cc Page 176 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Hope Solo Is Running For President Of U.S. Soccer
Former USWNT star keeper Hope Solo has thrown her hat into the ring and announced that she’ll be running for president of the U.S. Soccer Federation, for some reason....
Ugly Soccer Match Becomes Much Better After Dog Invades The Pitch
Macedonian club Vardar hosted Norway’s Rosenborg in blah blah blah oh wow, look at this cute doggy that interrupted the game!...
Soccer Coach Suffers Brutal, Non-Existent Agony After A "Headbutt"
FourFourTwo published this wonderful video of Defensor Sporting’s Alejandro Acevedo pretend-crashing to the ground in pretend anguish over a pretend headbutt from a linesman. Acevedo’s cronies swarmed to drag him back to his feet....
Liverpool's Attack Is Absolutely Terrifying
Spartak Moscow’s Aleksandr Selikhov isn’t the only keeper who, in the midst of a match against Liverpool, after seeing the ball fly past him for the first or third or fifth time of the day, has found himself sitting there on his haunches in dejection, praying that it had all been some terrible dream...
Cristiano Ronaldo May Be Butt In La Liga, But He's Still Good In The Champions League
Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo ranks second in La Liga in shots taken per 90 minutes. Ahead of him is some dude named Andrew Hjulsager, who has made two substitute appearances for Celta Vigo. In that time Hjulsager has amassed 12 minutes and fired off a single shot, giving him a 7.5 shots-p...
Crazy Russian Lady Slaps Carles Puyol In Face With Big Ol' Dildo
Retired Barcelona legend Carles Puyol expected to fiddle around with an assortment of (plastic) balls when he participated in last week’s World Cup group draw in host country Russia. But what he could not have expected was being accosted by a lady telling him “I want to fuck you, I have so big dick,...
IOC Bans Russia From The 2018 Winter Olympics For Absurdly Intricate Doping Scheme
The International Olympic Committee announced today that it has banned Russia—but not all Russian athletes—from the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea, as an unprecedented punishment for systemic doping, including at the 2014 Games in Sochi. ...
Norwegian Cup Winner Fucks Trophy
Lillestrøm won the Norwegian Football Cup yesterday, with a 3-2 victory over Sarpsborg, and defender Aleksander Melgalvis celebrated very enthusiastically—by taking all his clothes off onstage and then placing his dick inside the trophy, so as to keep things modest. ...
Praise Soccer Jesus: Sunil Gulati Will Not Run For Re-Election As U.S. Soccer President
Sunil Gulati, the U.S. Soccer Federation’s president for the last 12 years and the man who presided over the worst debacle in American soccer history, has told ESPN that he will not seek to retain his position in February’s election. This is good news!...
David de Gea Beat Arsenal All By Himself
Manchester United beat Arsenal this weekend by a 3-1 scoreline that totally belied the action on the field. United didn’t really deserve to win, in the sense people mean when they say teams that impose their will on their opponent by doing lots of good things while preventing the opposition from doi...
Stoppage Time Winner Sends Chapecoense To Copa Libertadores One Year After Plane Crash
One year after losing 19 of its players in a plane crash that killed 71 people, Brazilian club Chapecoense clinched qualification to the Copa Libertadores—the South American Champions League—with a last-second stoppage time winner scored by Túlio de Melo....
Joe Flacco Ate The W
Joe Flacco, last week’s Bad Quarterback of the Week, was actually quite good in yesterday’s 44-20 stomping of the Detroit Lions. Flacco threw for 269 yards and two touchdowns, and was feeling so good after the game that he opened his press conference by clowning Jameis Winston....
Miami And Clemson Fans Body Slam Each Other To Hell In Gory Brawl
Clemson demolished Miami yesterday in the ACC Championship, in Charlotte. You can imagine, a blowout like that generally leads to unhappy fans of one side or another. This being football we’re talking about, there is a very great chance that unhappy fans will wind up punching and kicking each other ...
Serie A Keeper Scores Ridiculous Stoppage Time Goal On Flying Header
AC Milan had a 2-1 lead on last place Benevento in the 95th minute today, with Benevento setting up for a free kick deep in Milan territory. You know what that means: the underdogs pulled keeper Alberto Brignoli forward to load up the box. And is there any way I would be showing you this video if Br...
The Hashmarks For Vikings-Falcons Are In The Wrong Spot
The Atlanta Falcons’ stadium hosted the SEC championship game Saturday night. A crew spent all night repainting the field in order to have it ready for today’s Vikings-Falcons game. They did a nice job, with one exception: The hashmarks were in the wrong spot....
Seattle Sounders Fans Are Hopping Mad At Beer
I have, myself, been mad at beer. One time I drank several too many Smithwick’s at a pub quiz, and the following morning had the worst beer shits in the history of mankind. Fuckin’ beer! This is not like that: Seattle Sounders fans are mad at beer for, like, appropriation, or whatever....
Here Are The Groups For The 2018 World Cup
It’s been three and a half years since the last World Cup, and after a long wait we’re tantalizingly close. Now we have something real to look at until the summer after the teams that made the tournament were drawn into their groups today:...
Wayne Rooney Scored From Half Field And Maybe Saved Everton
Everton came into today’s game in 17th place in the league and only two points ahead of their opponents, West Ham. A loss would have sunk them into the relegation zone and extended their run of trash performances. They won 4-0, thanks to a goal from Ashley Williams (who is still butt) and a hat tric...
Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week: Joe Flacco Is Bad Football
Welcome to Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week, a recurring feature in which we celebrate the worst quarterback play the NFL has to offer....
Report: Tennessee Football Gives Up Completely, Hauls Greg Schiano Out Of The Dumpster<em></em>
The Tennessee Volunteers just finished their worst season—at least by total wins—since 1977, going 4-8 with zero victories in SEC play. Naturally, this meant that head coach Butch Jones was out on his ass before the season even ended, replaced by interim coach and Michigan failure Brady Hoke. But wi...