cc Page 439 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
St. John's Also Excited About Ambiguous Weather-Based Mascot
Our college sports teams are rocketing into the 21st Century on a wave of aggressive, overcaffeinated, lightning-themed spirit creatures. Why is that bird looking at me like that? Is he smiling or mad? Get out of my soul, winged devil!...
It's Like Tim McCarver Talking, But To Music!
Don't wait until tomorrow morning to leave a voicemail for your boss saying you won't be coming in on Tuesday. That's the day Tim McCarver's new album drops....
Help!
Paul Shirley, hoops journeyman and dime-store Jim Bouton, thinks the Beatles are totally overrated and today's music is vastly superior. Moment I stopped reading: "Just as Dean Koontz came after Bram Stoker, Oasis came after The Beatles." [ESPN]...
Another Life Ruined By Soccer Antics
If a Nigerian soccer player promises you a roster spot in exchange for doing him "one small favor," it's probably a good idea to walk away—especially if that favor involves smuggling 500g of heroin into India. [Unprofessional Foul]...
Spanish Soccer Club Whipped Into Shape By Man-Eating Grizzly Bear
Spain's Real Valladolid teaching it's newest training partner the basics of soccer, including how to take a convincing dive when you're a 400 lb killing machine. [The Spoiler]...
ESPN Now Beset By Non-Plastic Vulpine Creatures
A Deadspin operative passes along an e-mail recently sent 'round the Bristol compound, warning ESPN employees about a fox seen prowling the campus, like some physical manifestation of lurking evil....
And You Thought Your Favorite Player Had A Bad Game
Seconds after scoring an own goal, a Czech soccer player suffered a fatal heart attack on the field. So cut your guys a little slack if they go 0-5 tonight. [AFP via Dirty Tackle]...
Chelsea Banned From Signing Players Until 2010 2011
The two-transfer-window ban is for illegally poaching a young midfielder from his Ligue 1 team. Which is funny, because messing around with a French teenager is exactly how Tony Parker got in trouble, too. [Guardian]...
Jeff Jagodzinski Has Not Had A Good Year
Tampa Bay has not even seen their new offense in real-time competition yet, but they have apparently seen enough to know that it stinks. They fired coordinator Jeff Jagodzinski today, just one week before Opening Day....
Rough Hit Destroys Belgian Soccer Player's Lower Leg
Speaking of horrible below-the-knee shots, our squeamish readers should avert their eyes from Axel Witsel's challenge on Marcin Wasilewski. And by "challenge" I mean "dividing his lower leg into two distinct pieces." Take a moment to compose yourself....
The Adventures Of Blazer Girl In Bristol
Blazer Girl recently toured ESPN's Bristol compound as part of the network's 30th anniversary celebration. She encountered several strange and frightening plastic creatures. She also encountered the decoy coyotes. Her photos and a full report....
Colt McCoy Sheds His Third Eyebrow
The grizzly folks at the AMI are none too tickled about the Texas quarterback's fumble, comparing it to a Greek tragedy. Imagine if Tim Tebow, in his corn-fed handsomeness, shaved a mustache. I have. It's called the apocalypse. [AMI]...
Blazer Girl In The Land Of The Plastic Coyote
These are the notorious decoy coyotes of ESPN, propped up by The Worldwide Leader In Bird Control to scare off nesting geese and captured here in terrifying synthetic predation, like Steve Phillips in those fake press conferences....
Player-Coach Leads Team To Championship While Pregnant
Sky Blue FC won the first Women's Professional Soccer League championship last weekend, but didn't find out until the champagne celebration that their coach-slash-captain, Christie Rampone, is three months pregnant. No, she didn't play barefoot....
You Keep Sending 'Em, I'll Keep Posting 'Em
These distracted young men are the Division II Colorado School of Mines Orediggers. Think your school can top this? Bring it on. After the jump, a very special bonus photo of some very "special" players....
And This Is When They Fell In Love
I spent part of this morning in Bristol, Connecticut trying to get young Blazer Girl acclimated to the surroundings so she wouldn't be overwhelmed, but she appears to be doing just fine on her own....
Slumping Team Tries New Motivational Tactic: Guns
When a reader sends you a tip with the subject line "More dysfunctional team than the Mets," you have to open it. So of course the story involves a soccer team's executives threatening the players with guns after a loss....
West Ham And Millwall Bringing Back Old School Hooliganism
If you're one of those people who thinks that soccer exists only to support bottle-throwing riots, you're not alone. Supporters of rival London clubs were apparently way more interested in stabbing each other than watching their last game....
What Soccer Needs Is More Kicks To The Face
Bolivian soccer has it figured out. When an opposing player elbows you during a fight for the ball, don't take a wailing, overdramatic dive. Just wait until halftime and then give him a flying boot to the head....