cc Page 493 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Soccer Players Shouldn't Date Hot Topless Women
Our mystery soccer correspondent files this report of Chelsea soccer star Joe Cole being beaten to a pulp over a Page 3 girl (Link NSFW)....
NFL Playoff Roundup: Riiiiipppppp!
• Honestly, we know this was covered all weekend, but man, that Carson Palmer thing was the worst playoff moment we can remember. We think Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals have it tough; Bengals fans finally get in the playoffs, and two plays in, their Pro Bowl QB tears an ACL and MCL. (Quest...
Redskins vs. Bucs - 4th quarter
• Mike Patrick just said the words, "An exciting muff."...
Redskins vs. Bucs - 3rd quarter
• That's how you get back into a game. First, the Bucs force a 3-and-out with a sack on third down, then a nice punt return, then a very slick offensive drive capped by a Simms TD on a bootleg. That's quality work you did at halftime, Jon Gruden. 17-10 Redskins....
Redskins vs. Bucs - 2nd quarter
• The Redskins front 7 is playing very well, keeping Cadillac Williams in check. In essence, they're putting the game into the hands of Chris Simms. • Tampa Bay gets on the board with a Matt Bryant FG, making the score 14-3 Redskins. This leads to the positively infuriating "Score, Commercial, Kic...
Redskins vs. Bucs - 1st quarter
• Anthony Becht and LaVar Arrington seem to have different levels of respect for the recent accomplishments of their alma maters. Becht announced himself as being from "The 2006 Sugar Bowl Champion West Virginia Mountaineers," while Arrington said he was from "North Hills High." • Chris Hovan has ...
Today In The FA Cup...
What's The FA Cup, you ask? Well, here's what I can gather, combining knowledge from my buddy Danks and a very thoughtful e-mail from a guy named Pete. The FA is the governing body of soccer in England, which covers the Premier League and all the leagues below it, which are kinda like minor league...
How To Get A Yellow Card
We tried to remain silent about this, but let's face it, we're weak. In a story that's a couple of days old by now, a youth soccer team in Orlando for a tournament got a big surprise at their hotel when they checked in and found themselves in the midst of a raunchy swingers convention. "We though...
Playoff Pants Party: Redskins Vs. Buccaneers
The NFL playoffs start this weekend, and we can't wait. We'll be previewing all four games throughout the day today....
Hey, Saints, We Put Together A Little Dance For You
We don't want to imply that you should have another reason to root for the Redskins this weekend other than Clinton Portis' weekly exploits, but in case you need one, try this: Last week, in the Bucs' win over the Saints, the Raymond James Stadium loudspeakers played The Scorpions' "Rock Me Like A...
Soccer Is More Exciting Than You Knew
We're always wary of studies put together by bored grad student types, but we feel obliged to comment on this, since pretty much everyone's sending it to us: A group of "researchers" for Los Alamos National Laboratory did a "scientific" study of the five major sports (they included soccer, for som...
The Year in Futbol
Our favorite soccer story of the year comes from Croatia, where Goran Granic, a defender for HNK Hajduk Split, announced that he would not be playing very hard this season because of his conversion to Roman Catholicism. "I'm so devoted to God now that I have started to avoid committing fouls durin...
The Story Of The Lucky Garbageman
We know we're getting a little soccer-heavy on you today, but bear with us: This is a good story....
Soccer Coaches And Their Holiday Etiquette
Our soccer correspondent informs us that the coaches of Chelsea and Arsenal are fighting again. And this is for the best reason of all. Here's his report:...
Today In The Premiership...
I don't know a whole lot about soccer, but I'm trying to learn... and I'm dragging you along with me, kicking and screaming....
Someone At Fox Loves The Damn Sleigh Bells
Every ten seconds or so in the Patriots/Bucs game, someone at Fox is hitting the button to play some goddamn sleigh bell noise. It's like the producer put his ADD child in charge of the audio for today's broadcast, and the little bastard is pounding the sleigh bell button like he's playing Ten Yar...
Roy Keane Does The Celtic Jig
Famed Manchester United Hero-In-Exile Roy Keane has signed with Celtic until 2007, a move that could further signify the end of the Manchester United era. Our soccer expert chimes in with a report:...
Those Charming Italian Soccer Fans
Over the weekend, Italian soccer player Paolo Di Canio, upon being taken out of a game for his team Lazio, raised his right arm in an apparent Fascist salute. "I will always salute as I did yesterday because it gives me a sense of belonging to my people," Di Canio said. But that's the least of it....
Clearing The 1 o'clock Table...
• Chicago 9, Pittsburgh 21. Remarkably, Minnesota's going to be one game back in the division. They play the Bears in Week 17, too. • Cincinnati 23, Cleveland 20. Shayne Graham hits a field goal at the buzzer to avoid the major upset. Again, Chad Johnson is held out of the endzone. Again, Sunday is ...
Americans Excited About Handsless Event
OK, the seeds for next year's World Cup are out, and since we're one of the presumed four countries in the draw with Internet access, we're on top of the story....