Chelsea Page 17 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

On Future Bicycle Kicks, Do Not Aim For Your Face
Chelsea midfielder Yossi Benayoun is probably a very good football player, and it undoubtedly takes a great deal of athleticism to put oneself in position to kick the ball into one's own face. But still. He kicked the ball into his face! When he coulda kicked it into the goal! What a loser!...

Chelsea's Yossi Benayoun Shows Off A "Cheeky Finish" In A "Behind-Closed-Doors" Friendly Match
EPL powerhouse Chelsea played its first preseason match of the year yesterday. They did so against a woefully overmatched foe, the Wycombe Wanderers. Four minutes in, Yossi Benayoun fancied the ball into the net in a fashion that would stand out even at the end of the season. Good for Yossi. (H/T ...

Phil Jackson Agrees That His Career Has Been The "Bee's Knees"
Your morning roundup for May 9, the day we learned of the Village tree thief....

Tinfoil Hatters Have Something To Talk About For Man U-Chelsea
That's referee Howard Webb over there. A photoshop of him actually, because he doesn't really wear a Manchester United kit while refereeing. He wears a referee's shirt. After a controversial FA Cup match in January, with some controversial decisions going United's way, Liverpool player Ryan Babel po...

Here's Your Champions League Open Thread
Two games on this afternoon: Shakhtar Donetsk takes on Barcelona at Donbass Arena, and Manchester United hosts Chelsea at Old Trafford Stadium. They both start at 2:45, and with Chelsea down a goal on aggregate, they must win to advance. But Wayne Rooney, threat to already-cursing children everywher...

Didier Drogba's Boobsy Birthday Cake (NSFW)
The Chelsea striker celebrated his 33rd birthday over the weekend at Il Bottacio in London, a big-name affair featuring appearances by Ashley Cole, Florent Malouda, William Gallas, Michael Essien and more. But the real star was Drogba's birthday cake, featuring him riding dirty with a trio of naked ...

Caltech Basketball Win Raises Record To 1-310 In Last 311 Conference Games
Your morning roundup for Feb. 23, the day Rahm Emanuel starts cursing at the phrase "staggering unfunded pension liabilities."...

At Least Liverpool Still Has One Fernando Torres
With Torres headed to Chelsea for a record $80 million, you know who's got to be steamed? The Liverpool fan who legally changed his name to "Fernando Torres" last month....

Drogba Kicks The Ball Hard And Does A Goal
The Spoiler loves a cheeky little chip or an intricate Tiki-taka goal, but sometimes you just can't beat someone kicking the ball proper hard....

Let Salomon Kalou's Glistening Rump Take You Into The Weekend
The Chelsea forward took a tumble during this week's Champions League match, and seemed in no hurry to hike his shorts back up. Or perhaps, like Gary Lineker, he had some quick business to take care of....

Robert Green Will Never Be Allowed To Forget His World Cup Gaffe
The poor bastard made one little mistake in his Premier League match that was slightly similar to his cock-up against the US, and immediately, everywhere, it's "Robert Green will never recover from the World Cup."...

Chelsea Rumoured To Be Ridding Themselves Of John Terry
Once again, The Spoiler has received some very interesting information from the various squirrels that roam the country, listening in on football boardroom meetings, and spending the evenings alone in bars drinking to forget, before getting free sex from a sympathetic prostitute....

Chelsea Get Really Quite Greedy Against Stoke
Above are highlights from the Chelsea match — Man United fans might be wise to squeal and look away....

Chelsea! Man U! Dental Hygiene!
A thrilling 1-0 game between the clubs atop the table is no reason for this Chelsea supporter to forget to brush his teeth mid-match. [Off The Post]...

The Deadspin Pub Opens For Chelsea and Liverpool
Chelsea and Liverpool are set to kick off the weekend's spotlight match at Stamford Bridge. Elsewhere Real Madrid faces their toughest test to date in La Liga against Sevilla....

Chelsea Banned From Signing Players Until 2010 2011
The two-transfer-window ban is for illegally poaching a young midfielder from his Ligue 1 team. Which is funny, because messing around with a French teenager is exactly how Tony Parker got in trouble, too. [Guardian]...

Today In Soccer Or: Deadspin Pub Gets A Special-Use Liquor License
It's been quite some time since someone not named KOGOD or Tuffy discussed the soccer-related events of the day, but the fans of the beautiful game have spoken. Here's what's happening this weekend....

British Soccer: Like A Sunny, Fun Day At Disneyland
So which is more distasteful, sports fans?: Mocking plane crash victims, or wishing someone dead from a car wreck? Don't worry, it's British soccer. You can have both!...

The Deadspin Pub: Help Yourself (Because I Sure Can't)
By request: Soccer hooligans may commiserate in here. I'm told Chelsea and Manchester United are playing right now, which sounds important, but what do I know?...

Shouldn't Winning Be More Enjoyable?
Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin....