d Page 5989 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
US Marines Serving In Afghanistan Warned Not To Fart So Audibly
Battle Rattle, a Military Times blog, has an important dispatch from the front lines, which they wanted us to share with you. So often we forget about the sacrifices our troops abroad make to protect this nation's freedom. Sacrifices like sphincter clenching....
Sally Jenkins's Pat Summitt Piece Will Break Your Heart
Jenkins, the longtime Washington Post writer, is one of Summitt's best friends. She discloses that in her piece, which you should read now....
Here Is Andy Samberg Playing Both 70s Bjorn Borg And John McEnroe On The Cover Of <em>NYT Magazine</em>
OK, this is kind of cool. Tennis and the New York Times being weirdly not-stodgy, everybody!...
Lil Wayne And Todd Haley Constitute Football's Newest And Maybe Worst Bromance
By and large, there's not a lot to like about Kansas City Chiefs head coach Todd Haley. He played golf, not football, in high school and college. His father was an NFL big shot. He's prone to tantrums. He rolled over some coordinators quickly. Whitlock hates him....
Canadian Television Says Blue Jays (Now Diamondbacks) Utility Infielder John McDonald Hit 96 HR This Year
Ed note: he has not. Two, the number of homers McDonald has hit, is 94 fewer than 96. Thanks to Coreywise for the photo....
Go Forth And Spread The Good Word That Tim Tebow Is Essentially The Broncos' Fourth-String QB
"[O]ne highly knowledgeable member of the organization told me Monday, 'If everything was totally equal, and this were a competition based only on performance at this camp, Tebow would probably be the fourth-string guy. Kyle [Orton] is far and away the best, and Tebow's way behind [Brady] Quinn, too...
Please Send Us Your Fantasy Football Correspondence With The Biggest Dickheads In Your League
Some of you may be familiar with our "Life Lessons" series, featuring rec-league amateur athletes who take their weekly kickball/softball/frisbee golf games waaay too seriously and, in turn, suck all the joy out of these activities for their teammates. These submissions were phenomenal, but I have a...
This Evening: Who Farted In The Tigers' Dugout?
Your p.m. roundup for Aug. 23, the day food hoarding made us change the channel. Photo via SportsGrid. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Maryland Football Players Will Dress In Whatever Clown Suit Under Armour Tells Them To
These new uniforms are the work of Under Armour. In their combinatoric ugliness, they are seemingly modeled on Nike's gear for Oregon, which is to say the uniforms are there to turn a bunch of under-compensated college kids into dress-up dollies modeling whatever hideous new breathable wear the comp...
John Starks Was A Gifted Grocery Store Employee, And Other Stories From Slate's <em>Hang Up And Listen</em> Podcast
Our friends at Slate do a fine weekly sports podcast called Hang Up and Listen, which is a thing that callers to WFAN often tell Mike Francesa they will do. But Josh Levin is more insightful than Mike Francesa!...
The Law Took Kyle Busch's License Away For Doing 128 In A 45 Zone
We know, it is awfully hard to believe that some guy who drives expensive cars around at 150 mph for a living would get caught driving an expensive car at 128 mph. Where could he have learned to do something horrible like that?...
Watch LeBron James Hesitate For Three Minutes Before Jumping Off A Diving Board
To be fair, that board is pretty damn high, and probably looks much worse when you're looking down from it. To be unfair, this screengrab:...
Cops, 49ers Will Work To Make Fans Less Drunk After Especially Drunken Raiders-49ers Game
The annual drunk brawl between 49ers and Raiders fans took place this past weekend, and it was, historically speaking, more drunk and brawl-y than usual. In what essentially amounts to a timeout for grown-ups, both teams have requested that the NFL "indefinitely suspend" the annual preseason "Battle...
The Winner Of Iowa-Iowa State Will Not Get This Awful Trophy
No one's ever said corn doesn't have ears. After universal derision of the new Cy-Hawk Trophy, it has been decided that the silver-gilt monstrosity shall never again see the light of day. At a press conference this afternoon, the Iowa Corn Growers Association expressed their regrets, and announced t...
Farting At Urinals: An Exploration In Etiquette
The Postmortal drops a week from today, and to celebrate the release, next week's edition of the Deadspin Funbag will be a LIVE FUNBAG. We'll throw the post up around noon, then you can send in questions for the next three hours (via email or the comments) and I'll answer them in real time. All you ...
Pat Summitt Diagnosed With Dementia, Will Still Coach This Season (Updated With Summitt's Taped Statement)
Sad news out of Knoxville: CBS's Gregg Doyel reports that Pat Summitt—head coach of Tennessee's women's basketball team and the most successful coach in NCAA history—has been diagnosed with dementia. She's just 59 years old. ...
Albert Haynesworth Has Two Words For Washington
It's not "fuck you." It might as well be....
Angel Pagan Was Busy Taking A Shit When He Was Due Up To Bat
"Apparently Pagan 'felt a rumble at the end of the fourth' and ended up spending a significant portion of the fifth shitting, while his coach screamed his name from the dugout in vain." [NYDN, via Gawker]...
The Newark Bears Will Celebrate Jim Leyritz Night With A $2,000 M.A.D.D. Donation And A Beer Pong Tournament
Even without mixed drinks, it sends mixed signals. A year ago, Leyritz was found innocent of felony manslaughter, but guilty of DUI in a 2007 crash....
You Can't Fight A DMV-Nominated Samurai Champion In Lieu Of A Trial Anymore
A tipster has sent us a story nine years old but timeless. You might not know that in England, drivers must fill out a specific form in order to avoid paying taxes on an unused vehicle. You also might not know that in Medieval England, trials were often settled by the two parties engaging in single ...