da Page 562 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Even Crutches Can't Stop Gabriel Jesus From Getting Jiggy To Song About Himself
Gabriel Jesus is the best young striker Brazil has produced in a startlingly long time. Obviously, this makes him a big deal back home. Brazilian funk artist MC Nego Blue was so impressed by Jesus’s talents that he penned an entire song, “É Gol” (translation: “It’s a Goal”), about the Manchester Cit...
Ahman Green Arrested On Child Abuse Charges
Former Packers running back Ahman Green was arrested yesterday in Ledgeview, Wisc., on one count of physical abuse of a child and one count of disorderly conduct....
The "Progressive Liberal" Is Maybe The Perfect Wrestling Heel
Kentucky-based Appalachian Mountain Wrestling has graced the world with the presence of “Progressive Liberal” Dan Richards. He definitely isn’t a face....
Rockies Reliever Adam Ottavino Really Crapped It Up Yesterday
Rockies relief pitcher Adam Ottavino entered the seventh inning of Sunday’s game with two outs, two men on, and a two-run lead. He walked Dodgers second baseman Austin Barnes, and then everything fell apart....
Blight Sox: Chyron Edition
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Report: FIFA Is Investigating The Entire Russian World Cup Team For Doping
The Mail on Sunday today reported that FIFA is investigating the Russian 2014 World Cup soccer team for doping—literally every member of Russia’s 2014 World Cup team:...
White Sox Pitcher Gives Up First Career Dingers To Three A's Rookies
James Shields took the mound today for the sad-sack White Sox, and in the course of pitching three brutal innings gave up a two-run dinger to Matt Olson, another two-run dinger to Franklin Barreto, and a solo dong to Jaycob Brugman. Olson, Barreto, and Brugman are rookies. It’s wild enough to give u...
Magic Johnson Couldn't Resist Trashing Poor D'Angelo Russell
Here’s Lakers legend and president of basketball operations Magic Johnson, explaining the trade that sent D’Angelo Russell to the Nets and cleared the way for second overall pick Lonzo Ball to supplant him as the team’s point guard of the future:...
Danny Ainge Either Knows Something We Don't, Or He's A Horse's Ass
Celtics GM Danny Ainge has established a bit of a routine as he’s spent the past few years running the rich-getting-richer version of Sam Hinkie’s Process: The Celtics are rumored to be targeting this or that star or star-in-making in a potential trade, the gossip rises to a fever pitch, and then n...
Gronk And Dustin Pedroia Work Very, Very Blue At The David Ortiz Roast
Dustin Pedroia, Anthony Mackie, Bill Burr, and improvisational quarter keg Rob Gronkowski showed up at a roast for David Ortiz yesterday. Gronk’s material was clearly prewritten; Pedroia’s was supposedly not. One was clearly funnier than the other....
Rick Pitino's Campaign Against NCAA Sanctions Is A Shameless, Repetitive Mess
Kentucky Sports Radio published a two-page letter sent to Louisville fans and donors from Cardinals head coach Rick Pitino Wednesday, in which the embattled coach (yet again) invoked 9/11, Bernie Madoff, and his infamous Italian restaurant sexcapade in an attempt to convince Louisville donors and fa...
Cops Discover Meth Lab, Golf Cart Chop Shop In Retirement Community Garage<em></em>
The Villages, a hilariously-large retirement community in Florida, is the fastest-growing “city” in the country—with more than 117,000 people, 48 golf courses, geriatric sex (with a resulting high rate of STDs), and absolutely no children (they’re only permitted to visit for up to 30 days a year). R...
James Dolan Heckled At Draft Night Concert
Rather than pay attention to his team, barely heading off a meltdown and somehow ending up with a really good draft night, Knicks owner James Dolan played a set in lower Manhattan. He was interrupted about halfway through by two men in suits telling him he’s a bad singer....
Danny Ainge Still Sounds Pissed Josh Jackson Canceled His Workout
With Markelle Fultz and Lonzo Ball sure things at 1 and 2, the biggest drama on draft night was the Celtics’ pick at No. 3. Danny Ainge, president of basketball operations, said Boston was going to get the same player at 3 that they would have wanted at No. 1. That was undoubtedly a wing, who would ...
Panthers Recruit Chris Pronger To Help With Their Master Plan, Whatever That Is
A worst-case scenario for an existing team going through an expansion draft is losing one useful player. The Florida Panthers—already a bad team—lost two last night. Today, they hired Hall of Famer Chris Pronger to join their front office, prompting the question, what exactly did the Panthers sell t...
The Athletics' Latest Rebuild Claims Another Victim
At this point, there is no use becoming attached to any player on the Oakland Athletics. All of them will eventually be jettisoned, and often in a frustrating and unceremonious way. ...
Falcon McFalconface Will Keep A's Fans Safe From Seagulls
When not dealing with opponents’ dingers flying out of the ballpark, the Oakland A’s have another big problem in the skies: seagulls....
Atlanta Braves: Sure, Let's Move Freddie Freeman Over To Third, Why Not
A month after breaking his wrist, Freddie Freeman’s had his cast removed. His return from the disabled list is likely still weeks away, but it’s drawing closer—which means that it’s time to start talking about, uh, moving him to third base!...
Bill Belichick Finds Another Way To Stick It To The Jets
There’s a straight line to be drawn from the Patriots’ signing today of David Harris, a respected veteran inside linebacker who had been unceremoniously dumped two weeks ago as part of the Jets’ roster purge. That line takes you back. It runs you through tampering charges, Darrelle Revis’s Super Bow...
De'Aaron Fox's Dad Isn't Having Any Of LaVar Ball's Bullshit
De’Aaron Fox will almost certainly be a top-five pick in Thursday night’s NBA draft, although this draft is silly with point guards and he will likely be the third lead guard selected. It’s inevitable that Fox will be judged alongside Markelle Fultz, Lonzo Ball, and Frank Ntilikina as this class of ...