da Page 662 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?
Ah, the penis. That most comical and vulnerable of body parts. It was a bad year for all of us, but for the approximately 1.2 billionth year in a row since the emergence of sexual differentiation, it was a particularly rough year for groins. This selection of real, horrible injuries proves that Murp...
Add Dan Uggla To The List Of Hoverboard-Related Injuries
Free agent Dan Uggla and his kids got some hoverboards for Christmas. Like many others who found the death machines under their trees yesterday, Uggla busted his ass on it:...
Alex DeBrincat Earns Game Misconduct For Spearing
The U.S. is currently taking on Canada at the IIHF world juniors in Finland, and the Yanks will have to play the final two periods without potential NHL first-rounder Alex DeBrincat after the Michigan native delivered his stick blade straight into Flyers prospect Travis Konecny’s gut. Go USA!...
Happy Birthday, Rickey Henderson!
Today is a day to celebrate, among other things, the birthday of Rickey Henderson, a man who embodies baseball at its best so completely that it’s hard to do him any justice. Here’s to you, Rickey....
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
It’s Christmas Day, and you know what that means: time to plumb the depths of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. We’re looking for the weirdest, least explicable, and most awkward objects that America has shoved inside its various holes. God bless us, ev...
Enjoy Some Of The Most Ridiculous Christmas Wish Lists Ever Written
If you got what you wanted for Christmas, that’s probably in part because you didn’t ask for, say, “A little thing that can turn into anything at anytime.” This would set you apart from the authors of the lists below, some of whom got some of what they wanted, some of whom just couldn’t possibly hav...
It's A Little Surprising Cody Wallace Was Only Fined For This Brutal, Late Helmet-To-Helmet Hit
While everyone was paying attention to the fallout from Odell Beckham’s assault on Josh Norman (with good reason), another late, dangerous hit targeting a player’s head flew a little under the radar. The NFL noticed, but decided Steelers center Cody Wallace launching himself head-first at Broncos sa...
Adam Wainwright Doesn't Think Jason Heyward Wanted To Be "The One"
The Cardinals are, for some reason, still saying things about Jason Heyward, who signed with the Chicago Cubs this offseason after playing just one season in St. Louis. Manager Mike Matheny got snippy when Heyward told reporters that one of the reasons he left St. Louis is that the Cubs have a young...
Nets Fans Made Wanted Posters For Deron Williams
Deron Williams’s tenure as the point guard of the Brooklyn Nets was one of the saddest disasters in recent NBA history. Williams, who signed a max deal with the Nets in 2012 and went on to stink up the joint on a nightly basis, recently told Yahoo Sports that those years in a Nets uniform made him w...
Illinois Attorney General Declares Daily Fantasy Is Illegal Gambling
Illinois became the eighth state to prohibit daily fantasy behemoths DraftKings and FanDuel from operating in their state, as attorney general Lisa Madigan declared that daily fantasy constitutes gambling under state law. Madigan based her interpretation on the following sections of the Illinois Cri...
Soccer Teen's Dad Tries To Sabotage Son's Move To Liverpool By Hiding His Passport
Despite the old adage “father knows best,” there comes a time in every child’s life when they are old enough to make their own decisions. At that point, father’s wisdom and guidance becomes less a mandate from your boss and more a word of advice to be weighed as lightly or heavily as the budding adu...
Bismack Biyombo's Terrible Post Move Was Just Too Much For JaVale McGee
Raptors center Bismack Biyombo, as we’ve previously noted, is not the most gifted offensive player. His, uh, skills were on full display last night against the Mavericks:...
Mexican Soccer Team Holds Strange, <i>Star Wars</i>-Themed Press Conference
U.S. international Omar Gonzalez was officially transferred from MLS to Liga MX club Pachuca today. He made a, uh, strange appearance at his unveiling:...
<i>Bone Crunchers</i>, <i>Crunch Course</i>, And How The NFL Hitched Its Brand To Brain Damage Snuff Films
On Christmas Day, Sony Pictures Entertainment will release Concussion, a film that will almost certainly be very bad. As we’ve already noted, the film—starring Will Smith as CTE researcher Dr. Bennet Omalu—suffers from significant issues, both in theory and practice. (When the film studio’s lawyers ...
What Is The Best Birthday Month?
PROGRAMMING NOTE: I’m outta here next week to go do Christmas things. You’re not getting a Funbag. You’ll have to go mud-sledding or something. Deadspin founder and artificial Georgian Will Leitch will be your Jamboroo guest host. ...
Bad Soccer Man Savagely Kicks Opponent Straight In The Face
This disgusting act of wanton violence is brought to you by Mehmet Değirmenci, a Turkish amateur soccer player. As you can see in the video below, moments before Değirmenci so cruelly smashed this poor guy’s head like a teed-up football, he became upset when the ref showed him a red card for the rec...
Dalton Prout Given Double-Minor, So One Minute For Each Cross-Check
Columbus Blue Jackets defenseman Dalton Prout let loose this vicious series of cross-checks late in the third period of a 5-2 loss to the Penguins. This is no inadvertent penalty or being a bit overzealous; it’s straight-up assault on Sergei Plotnikov....
Great Gift Ideas For Children You Despise
I bet you know some bad kids. Not your kids. Your kids are lovely, imaginative, super-athletic, and smart as a whip. I’m talking about your step-sister’s kids and your boss’s kids and the kids on your son’s soccer team and those kids who always end up hurting someone at the neighborhood block partie...
How Sepp Blatter Lost Control Of His Monster
If Sepp Blatter could take a step back and look at the bigger picture, forgetting for a moment that today’s eight-year ban from all soccer activities likely means his long career as the world’s favorite sport’s most powerful figure has ended in disgrace and infamy, he might actually be proud of what...
The Pelicans Are A Goddamn Mess
Remember when Anthony Davis was a sexy MVP pick, everyone was praising the Alvin Gentry hire, and the Pelicans looked like a lock to make the playoffs and maybe even do something once they got there? That looks foolishly optimistic now, as the team is 7-19, closer to the Lakers than anyone else in t...