dead Page 293 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Justin Bieber Is More Valuable Than Scottie Pippen On The Basketball Court, Too
Your morning roundup for Feb. 19, the day Wisconsin edges closer to Cairo of the Heartland....

Adventures In Pant Stuffing!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Got one of your own? Share it with me. Off we go....

God Affected The Outcome Of A Co-Ed High-School Wrestling Match Yesterday
Your morning roundup for Feb. 18, the South's 9th annual remembrance day....

The Loneliness Of The American College Transfer Student
I remember being on the floor of my room in South Quad, bawling my eyes out on the phone. I couldn't stop crying. Real, hard crying. The kind where your jaw unhinges and long, cathartic wails just come pouring right out of you. My mom was on the other end of the line, and for a very long time, she d...

Now, Blake Griffin Is Posterizing Backboards With His Head
Your morning roundup for Feb. 17, the day local politics in at least one American city gets real (entertaining)....

James Earl Jones Does Justin Bieber
It's the karaoke precisely no one was waiting for, but now that it's here, we couldn't be more thrilled. Enjoy James Earl Jones's rendition of "Baby," in a proper context....

Don Mattingly Will Stop At Nothing To Find A World Series Ring
Your morning roundup for Feb. 16, a day after a guy from Texas retired from riding bicycles while wearing tights. Again....

Tonight's The Night HBO <em>Real Sports</em> Explores Deadspin's Septic Tank
So the news was broken a couple weeks ago but for those of you interested in what Bryant Gumbel's discerning pencil feels about our shady operation, tune into HBO (home of Treme) tonight at 10 p.m. EST, especially if you always wanted to hear Andrea Kremer say the word "penis" ad nauseum....

An Inside Look At The White House Pooper!
All my life I've wanted to know the details of where the President of the United States evacuates his bowels, and now an anonymous reader who is ON THE INSIDE has provided the crucial information....

These Men Are Not Laughing With You
Your morning roundup for February 15, the day Bob Cook's family ended his obituary with the words "GO PACK GO."...

Big Baby Davis Would Like To Have This Fast Break Back
Your morning roundup for Feb. 14, the day A.J. stole Philadelphia's heart forever....

Gilbert Arenas Talks About His "Bum" Of A Baby Mama And Dead Pet Sharks
In the wake of getting served with child-support papers at halftime of a Magic/Wizards game, Gilbert Arenas is rather perturbed about his baby mama Laura Govan's approach to public shaming. So says a source in the D.C. media, who was kind enough to share straight-from-the-mouth-of-Arenas thoughts o...

The NHL Doesn't Seem To Think The Islanders Can Control Their Players
Your morning roundup for Feb. 13, a day in which a Supreme Court justice prepares to celebrate five years of playing mum at work....

The Cleveland Cavaliers Are On A One-Game Winning Streak
Your morning roundup for Feb. 12, the day Mars-commute impregnating became a non-starter in the name of continuing the colony....

The Time Zito Gave Mulder A Handjob, And Other Tales From The World Of Baseball Slash Fiction
Some lucky folks have especially vivid imaginations. But the rest of us need the internet to find Jaret Wright tenderly licking Melky Cabrera, or Kyle Farnsworth and Vance Wilson in bed together with knives....

Cockblocked By The Hoff!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Tiger Woods Is Having A Great Time In Dubai
Your morning roundup for Feb. 11, the day the White House has to play whatever cards they have left…...

Zurich Soccer Fans Are Enthralled By Gene Simmons's Tongue
Your morning roundup for Feb. 10, the day we regretted the harm our actions have caused our family, our staff, and our constituents....

The Man In The Orange Suit Could Not Believe His Eyes
Your morning roundup for Feb. 9, the day we realized we'd developed a dangerous addiction to Hint Of Lime Tostito chips....
