deadcast Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bernie Should Get The Fuck Out
You won’t believe this, but Bernie Sanders won the state of Oregon last night. (Real fucking shocker there, I know.) Anyway, Bernie has no realistic mathematical shot at securing the delegates needed to win the Democratic nomination, AND some his supporters are now openly threatening people, because...
Barbecue Side Dishes, Ranked
It’s Friday afternoon and it’s rained for 900 consecutive days. Let’s fight about ranking barbecue side dishes. Are you ready? Here we go:...
What Is The Most Pretentious Musical Instrument?
If you’ve ever heard Jack White go through his marimba phase, or seen a dude waltz onto a subway car holding a djembe drum, you know there are some pretty goddamn pretentious instruments out there. But which one is the worst offender, and why is it always the bagpipes? That’s the subject of this wee...
What Is The Best Room For Holding An Orgy?
You may have heard that Tinder is testing out a new multi-person swipe function called Tinder Social that will, presumably, allow the nation’s swingers easier access to orgy participants and orgy planning. But how will YOU prepare for this erotic, utopian future where people are fucking in groups an...
Widehawks Look Terrible
We’re at the point now where the wide Mohawk haircut—clean-shaven on the sides, business at the back, party size of your choice up top—has become a staple hairstyle for athletes all over the world. But why? Why the fuck have so many athletes decided to rock extreme negburns and walk around looking l...
Let’s Talk About Proper Grammatical Usage Of The Word "Porn"
This week, a Deadcast listener sent in a question about using the word “porn” versus the word “porno.” And even though NO ONE uses the term “porno” anymore except old bros like me who pine for the porno-y days of the 1980s, I am of the firm belief that those two words do NOT mean the same thing, and...
And Now, A Dramatic Reading Of Sam Hinkie’s Batshit Resignation Letter
Sixers GM Sam Hinkie unexpectedly resigned yesterday and left behind a rambling, legitimately nutzoid 13-page letter that I hope will serve as a giant blinking warning sign to any future employer of his, be it an NBA team (fat chance) or an investment firm or the sales force at Lyft, which is where ...
What Chair Has Been Farted In The Most?
Chairs! They’re soft and comfortable and they provide the perfect acoustic backdrop for a good, solid round of farting. But what chair has been farted in the most over time? Can you even NAME a famous chair without cheating? Is an uninformed discussion about chair farts worth your time at all? THAT ...
The Hater’s Guide To March Madness 2016
It’s that time of year again … time to say rotten, hateful things about every team in the NCAA tournament bracket. And what a bunch of shitty, corrupt teams they are! I don’t think there’s ever been a tournament featuring so many schools that are in the middle of horrifying scandals: Yale, Cal, Oreg...
Did The Warriors Break LeBron James?
The Cleveland Cavaliers aren’t winning the NBA title this season. You know it, I know it, and somewhere deep down, Cavs forward and baldness cure test subject LeBron James has to know it, too. He has to know that he’s only got a few more years left in him, and those years are likely to be spent watc...
Should The U.S. Boycott The Rio Olympics?
Oh, hey, looks like Olympic organizers in Rio won’t be able to clear the water of raw sewage in time for this summer’s Olympics. How much danger does poop water present to our athletes, and should we consider, you know, NOT making them compete in poop water by boycotting the whole thing? That’s just...
Is Steph Curry Making Other NBA Players Worse?
Steph Curry is a bloodless assassin who could shoot your eyelashes off from a mile away and is destroying the rest of the NBA by nailing shots from near-mid-court on a regular basis. He’s a fucking freak of nature, but is his uncanny long-range ability rubbing off on lesser NBA players (****cough co...
Down With Cold Pizza
In case you missed it, we’ve decided to change up the old Deadcast here and spend 45 minutes every week doing nothing but answering your Funbag questions (Don’t worry, the regular, written version Funbag will stay where it always is). So if you got something on your mind, email the Funbag and we’ll ...
Do People Use Siri To Sext? It’s A Special Super Bowl Funbag!
I got good news, and I got bad news. The bad news is that this week’s Funbag is a special podcast edition, featuring me and Marchman addressing all of your most pressing questions. We had to do it this way because I’m in San Francisco covering the Super Bowl for GQ. (Don’t worry, there will still be...
It’s Your All-Star Super Bowl Deadcast!
The Super Bowl is here! KIND OF! Only… (looks at calendar, lets out heavy sigh) 10 more days until the game, and you need to plan! What horrifying-looking-yet-tasty dip will you inflict upon your houseguests? Should you REALLY root for Peyton Manning to win one last title? Does rooting for Cam make ...
Your Deadcast Divisional Round Preview
Whoa hey, it’s divisional playoff weekend! WOOHOO FUCK YEAH! Can Peyton Manning reanimate his own dead body? Will Antonio Brown play? Will the Panthers choke like I expect them to? And what did I just sit on? SO MANY QUESTIONS. But fear not, we’re here to answer them in a very special Deadcast....
Is The Hall Of Fame Screwing Over Curt Schilling For His Hot Facebook Memes?
Curt Schilling is many things—a bloviator, a dummy, a bad Facebook person, a hilariously incompetent businessman—but I think the one thing we can all agree on is that, whatever his faults, the man could pitch his ass off and deserves to be in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Ah, but at present he is NOT. ...
What Was The Shittiest Take Of The Year?
It was quite the year for shitty takes, my friends. Remember Bud Poliquin? And the Titans mom? And Jason Whitlock’s entire oeuvre? Oh, what a time we had with all those takes. But there were three shitty takes that sunk below all the others … takes that buried themselves deep into the mantle of the ...
Let’s Talk About What Constitutes Acceptable Tanking
The Philadelphia 76ers just stripped bizarro wunderkind and general manager Sam Hinkie of virtually all his authority. Hinkie, as you may recall, is the architect of a “Process” by which you suck as hard as possible in order to acquire as many assets as possible, and then you trade those assets away...
A Completely Dumb And Unnecessary Argument About Sex Scenes
Batman v Superman is coming out soon, and the man in charge of this fiasco was also the architect of arguably the worst sex scene in movie history. But what makes a sex scene terrible, apart from the tragic decision to include a Leonard Cohen song? And can a sex scene ever REALLY be bad so long as i...