dp Page 112 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
<em>Newsday</em> Sports Section Adopts Strict Policy Of Blowing Sunshine Up Your Ass
Newsday, a collection of tire ads that old people leave lying around diners in Farmingdale, is cracking down on any use of sarcasm or name-calling or "negative characterization" in its corpse of a sports section. To which I say: Brilliant idea, assholes!...
Color Me Fucking Shocked: Dick Vitale Loves Tim Tebow
You had to know Vitale would have a chubby for Tebow, the embodiment of heart. It was inevitable. The college basketball sportscaster chimes in today with an unbearable column about why Tebow should be taken high in the draft....
A New Big Ben Exposure Story: “He Had A Gray Penis"
Plenty of ladies these days have a story about unwanted exposure to Ben Roethlisberger's penis. Here's an account we received from reader Running Man Territory Dan. It's unverified and possibly totally fabricated. Still, A GRAY PENIS?!...
Jim Nantz, You Suck! Goddammit!
Nantz pronounces himself appalled at Tiger's naughty language. "How about the father and son who are standing right there by the tee? How about the hundreds of people who are around that tee who hear that?" How about you fuck yourself? [Chron.com]...
Ehhhh...Fuck Off, Dale Hansen
"That story we had earlier tonight about Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, if that's what it is (and our news director thinks it is), is yet another example of the decline of journalism as we once knew it." [WFAA]...
Video Catches Cops Brutally Beating Maryland Student After Duke Game
After a Maryland student was seriously injured during the melee that followed the Terps big win over Duke last month, cops claimed he had attacked mounted policemen and was kicked by their horses. This videotape says they're dirty liars....
Tebow Draft Rationalization Watch: The Patriots Are Capable Of Anything
As the NFL Draft approaches, many team fanbases will attempt complex logical gymnastics to talk themselves into using a first-round pick on Florida quarterback Tim Tebow. Today: What does Bill Belichick know that we don't?...
David Mamet's All-Caps Memo To TV Writers Is Delightful: "The Scene Is A Crock Of Shit"
Slashfilm got a hold of a David Mamet memo (say that three times fast and cuss profusely) to the writing staff of The Unit, a show he created. Simply put, he isn't pleased with their work. FUCK THE MACHINE! [Slashfilm]...
Baby (Joe) Mauer Gets No Trade Clause From Seattle Family
In the grand tradition of parents naming their kids after sports heroes they can't possibly live up to—and then dressing them up in silly costumes—we proudly present Baby Joe Mauer....
Ari Fleischer Tapped By Tiger Woods To Do Job He's Not Very Good At
So Tiger has reportedly hired the former Bush spokesman to repair his image and help plot his return to golf, which could come March 25 at the Arnold Palmer Invitational. This isn't about the quality of Fleischer's work, we're told....
Last Night's Winner: People Who Enjoy Watching Yankee Stadium Blow Up
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the folks who get a perverse thrill from watching that pompous old Bronx ornament get gutted and torn apart, piece by self-important piece....
Porn, Pancakes, Jon Kitna And Jesus: Go Ahead, Rank Them. You Can't.
Some lucky parishioners got a visit from Jon Kitna at a very special breakfast yesterday, called "Porn And Pancakes: NFL Style." It's precisely nothing like you're imagining....
Randy Hustle, Giving It His All
Randy Moss, already vaguely unhappy in New England, took part in an NFL charity softball game. He hit what looked like an easy infield fly...want to guess whether he ran it out or not?...
And The Crowd Goes <em>Meh</em>: A Gallery Of Bored People At The Slam Dunk Contest
Gawker.TV's David Matthews watched Saturday's dunk contest and collected all the indifferent reaction shots of a crowd that seemed to think it was watching the Bob Hope Classic. Here's Dwyane Wade, dislocating his own jaw out of sheer boredom. [Gawker.TV]...
Here Lie The New England Patriots: 2001-2010
After their humiliating beatdown on Sunday, you might be tempted to look back on Sunday as the day the New England Patriots' dynasty died. You are definitely not alone....
AFC Wild Card Open Thread: Ravens-Patriots
Ravens fans are all getting inked up. Patriots fans are feeling kinda "meh." Team that plays in the suburbs vs. team whose fans live in the suburbs - who ya got? Talk amongst yourselves in the comments....
Pats Owner Just Wants To Watch The World Burn
Tough week for Robert Kraft. First his truckload of illegal immigrants gets pulled over on its way to shovel the stadium. Now his driver gets ticketed for refusing to move Kraft's ride when a fire truck needed to get through....
Patriots Workers Stopped In Immigration Sting
Gillette Stadium hired dozens of workers to shovel snow from the field, and apparently had them sent in from Guatemala, by way of Rhode Island....
Last Night's Winner: The Kansas City Patriots
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Patriots fans who love everything about New England's recent dynasty, except Bill Belichick and Tom Brady. Pack your bags, you're moving to K.C.!...
I Was There: Even The Losers Get Lucky Sometimes
There are plenty of decade retrospectives happening everywhere right now, but we'd also like you to participate. Tell us about the best game you've seen in person this decade with the tag #iwasthere. Mine: Patriots at Giants, Week 17!...