duan Page 187 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Your Regional Tournament DUAN
So much for mighty North Carolina. And the Scheyer Face movement failed to topple Duke. Michigan State got Buckeye'd. And, hey, look — Binghamton is going dancing. Hide the women and children. And condoms....

Pat Burrell Says Thank You From The Bottom Of His Dong
Just like Trevor Hoffman did after leaving San Diego, Pat Burrell took out an ad to say goodbye to the fans who booed the crap out of him for most of his career....

ESPN Will Not Tolerate Reckless Boob Promotions On Affiliate Stations
ESPN apparently has no problem putting a pregnant woman on the cover of its magazine, but when it comes to their radio affiliates promoting pornyish websites for a March Madness tournament, they're not as liberal....

The United Football League Is What We Thought It Was!
Denny Green and Jim Fassel are back coaching pro football, and there may be a spot for Michael Vick as well. Welcome to the wonderful world of the UFL!...

This Boy Will Grow Up To Jeopardize His Job Security Due To Substance Abuse
Something tells me that this little boy won't be allowed to wear that jersey out in public anymore if Matt Jones continues his current career trajectory....

This Here's What You Call A "Danwich"
I love this photo. The expression on Dan Patrick's face, with an Andrews sister on each arm, just seems to scream, "Hey, E.A. Fanboys — SUCK ON THIS ACTION."...

Bob Ryan's Face Refuses To Grow Old Gracefully
Legendary columnist and occasional ESPN talking head Bob Ryan was, at 63, as pruney as most people his age. But he appears to be going through an alarming transformation....

Enjoy The Rest Of Your Weekend In Jail
Charles Barkley gave a press conference today from inside the Maricopa County jail, as he began his three-day sentence for drunk driving. Now that's how you enjoy a day off....

Tony Mandarich Fesses Up; Invented First Whizzinator
Former beefy lineman Tony Mandarich has recently admitted to the world that, yes, the incredibleness of his bulk was actually acquired not just by G'N'R and caffeine, but steroids....

No Rest For The Cysted
Poor A-Rod. He's just looking for some quiet time in Vail while getting his hip drained, or labrum re-attached, or toenail scraped, or whatever ailment he has, and then a nosy local snapped this photo....

Britney Jordan: Great With The Rock... And Working The Pole
There are plenty of stories about athletes who came from humble beginnings, who stare down adversity, cliche, etc. Here's another one: Meet Britney Jordan, one of the NCAA's leading scorers and former Philadelphia exotic dancer....

I Call This One "Monster Truck Ecstasy"
So much depressing news. That's why we'll end today with some pure, unbridled joy. The joy of seeing a monster truck with enormous tires topple over on a chilly Baltimore Saturday night....

Book Excerpts That Might Suck: Alyssa Milano's 'Safe At Home'
Here are some excerpts from Alyssa Milano's book, Safe at Home, Confessions of a Baseball Fanatic, which hits shelves on March 24 (and you don't even have your Alyssa Milano book party planned yet)....

Jay Mariotti Calls Shenanigans On Matt Cassel Trade
Gentleman Jay Mariotti knows a raw deal when he sees one and something about that Matt Cassel to Kansas City trade does not smell right to him....

Bill Simmons: Unleashed, Uncensored, and Uncompromising
Most of Bill Simmons' complaints the last year were about ESPN's strict podcast content guidelines and that he's not allowed to rip on other ESPN personalities. At least, not on his podcast....

Farewell, Brian Dawkins?
This is a sad day for Philadelphia Eagles fans. Brian Dawkins, long-time safety and recent perfecter of legalized helmet-to-helmet knockout hits, is heading to Bronco country next season, according to one report....

The De-Cleavaging Of Hannah Storm Is Upon Us
Not A Sports Blog does some inspired creepy-detective work into the recent wardrobe changes to SportsCenter morning host Hannah Storm. Sadly, it appears the days of shiny thigh-high boots and low-cut tops are behind her....

Tiger's Return Causes ESPN Writer To Bring Out The Blue Blogging
Admittedly, I didn't read Jason Sobel's live blog of The Blasian One's' long-awaited return to the PGA, but I'm a little sorry I didn't, since it seems he threw in a haphazard boner joke....

Sorry, Guys. Marko Jaric Is Officially Off The Market
News of the nuptials between Memphis Grizzlies guard Marko Jaric and his Brazilian model-chick, Adriana Lima, spread like herpes from a beer pong tournament this morning. Never underestimate the power of a poorly groomed mustache....

Mickey Mantle Was A Lovable, Profane Scamp When It Came To Autographs
There's something both amusing and sad about this autographed Mickey Mantle baseball, which is now being sold at a collector's auction....