e Page 7789 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Tony Kornheiser Finally, Frustratingly Weighs In On Dan Snyder
Kornheiser is the most visible members of the Washington DC sports media scene. He's also employed by Dan Snyder's radio broadcasting company, and ESPN. Because of the latter, he's been silent on the matter, and because of the former, that silence speaks volumes....

Everything You Wanted To Know About Fantasy Mutant Sperm But Were Afraid To Ask
Before we get to your letters, I must break down, in great detail, this fantastic question that was posted to Reddit over the weekend, from Reddit user Maddawg579:...

Manny Ramirez Hit A One-Handed Homer At 18, And Other Revelations
Sara Rimer, a former reporter for the New York Times, returned to the paper's pages yesterday with a lovely, nostalgic piece about following the George Washington High School baseball team during its 1991 season. Manny Ramirez, then an 18-year-old on his way to signing with the Cleveland Indians, qu...

Did Everyone Notice That Jered Weaver Is The Best Pitcher In Baseball Right Now?
The younger Weaver, who has been sneakily good out for the better part of five seasons out in Anaheim, seems to finally be putting it into overdrive. His shutout last night moves him to 6-0 on the season, rarefied air for April....

Here's What Confused NFL Players Are Doing This Morning
Showing up to work out, some of them. Except not really working out. And the ones that arrived are either union guys checking the lay of the land, or players openly concerned about their workout bonuses. Mostly, players walked in, hung around for a couple of minutes then went home. Everyone's pretty...

Somebody Poisoned The Family Of NC State's Adorable Wolfpack Mascot
Today in animal cruelty and terrible affronts to school pride: someone allegedly poisoned four Tamaskan dogs with familial ties to the N.C. State mascot, Tuffy, in Elizabeth City, N.C. From the News & Observer:...

Dan Snyder Explains Why He's Being A Prick
Dan Snyder explains himself and his newly refiled lawsuit this morning over at Fred Hiatt's bullshit emporium. The piece contains all the spoon-banging you've come to expect from Snyder — "I am not thin-skinned" is probably the most ridiculous assertion on that op-ed page since whatever George Will ...

Keep Your Domestic Squabbles Out Of The Pepsi Center, People
Deadspin body language experts, get to decipherin'. [Mocksession, via Hot Clicks]...

Tony Allen Shaved A Glittery Grizzly Into His Hair Last Night
For a brief time yesterday, Memphis guard Tony Allen had this haircut, featuring a barber's rendition of the Grizzlies mascot and highlighted by the staples of any middle school girl's make-up routine: glitter and white eyeliner. Allen trimmed it before the game started (he had 12 points in the win)...

Caps Fans Skip Parody Videos, Move Straight To Priceless Masterpieces
Your morning roundup for April 26, the day we called a truce with the jellyfish kingdom....

Dumbest Fish Alive Deserve To Be Dead
This is four-and-a-half minutes of silver carp leaping, unprovoked, into a boat. It serves as a fascinating video treatise on natural selection, and possible sport fishing....

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXX
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan "Daniel" Snyder's dumbass libel suit goes to that great tort docket in the sky....

Sideline Reporter Looks Accustomed To Getting Pummeled In The Head With Soccer Balls
We're just as impressed with the aim of the player on the field as we are with this fellow's easy return to reporting....

The NFL Lockout Is Over, At Least For A Few More Minutes
A federal judge has granted the players an injunction against the league, effectively ending the lockout. As soon as the decision is made public, the owners plan to request a stay of the injunction, effectively re-starting the lockout. [ESPN]...

Luke Scott Is Still A Gun-Humping Birther Survivalist Lunatic, Chickenshit ESPN Story Won't Say
Luke Scott is a gun-humping birther survivalist lunatic who keeps a pistol in his sofa cushion and throws plantain chips at a black teammate when he acts "like a savage." Sounds like an asshole, right? But things aren't so simple, ESPN's Amy K. Nelson tells us in her recent profile of Scott, and she...

Today In Great Ledes
"Perhaps fittingly, you can't spell insurmountable without mountain." [Denver Post]...

DeAngelo Hall Says Jason Kidd's Son Still Has An Enormous Head
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the outspoken Hall talks football and other more important matters....

Chris Paul's Shake-Up Of Andrew Bynum Is Pretty Close To A Point Guard's Masterpiece
In a big-to-little defensive switch in basketball, the advantage usually goes to the taller forward who can easily back down a misplaced guard for an easy basket in the paint. It's a simple, dependable play off of a switched screen or miscommunication on the defenders' side....

Sportswriters Struggle With Turns Of Phrase For Franklin Gutierrez's Spastic Pooping
At least Franklin Gutierrez now knows what caused all of his stomach problems for nearly a full year. Gutierrez visited the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota earlier this week, where he was diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome as the cause of his stomach issues that first popped up last summer....

Lakers Player Arrested For Allegedly Assaulting Pregnant IHOP Waitress (Pregnancy Update)
But don't worry, it's not a Laker that you've heard of, or matters....