e Page 8035 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Weekend Winner: John Daly's Pants
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like John Daly's technicolor pants party explosion which added some needed zing to an otherwise boring British Open....
Win The Game, Carl Pavano's Gonna Fist Your Anus. That's Just The Way Life Goes.
Delmon Young's single capped a four-run ninth, and set off a celebration the likes of which his colon had never seen. Also, this is pretty much the perfect metaphor for what Carl Pavano did to the Yankees for four years....
David Huff Avenges Alleged Twitter-Induced Indians Snub By Pitching Shutout
Huff claimed his Twitter was hijacked by some phantom, who informed his followers last Friday he would start for the Indians yesterday. Cleveland management, unimpressed by his presumptions, didn't call him up. Angered by the snub, Huff went on topitch masterfully yesterday....
Zab Judah Meets The Polish Posse: Everybody Needs An Entourage
NEWARK — Upon arriving at the Prudential Center here last Friday night for a boxing match, I was greeted by an unboxinglike sight: dozens of fans clad in identical t-shirts and matching red and white scarves, pouring off a white chartered bus....
This Cubs Shirt Got These Kids Laid
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Vows: Tonya Harding and Joe Price
Tonya Harding, a 39-year-old disgraced former figure skater who still has horny fans, and Joseph Jens Price, 42-year-old "real nice, blue-collar-type guy," were married June 26 by Pastor Lloyd Ward of the Community Church of God in Vancouver, Wash....
With No Further Ado, Buzz Bissinger Challenges Andy Reid as a Coach and Father (But Mostly as a Father)
When Buzz Bissinger smells blood, Buzz Bissinger attacks. You know this already. I just dig how it makes for quality after-school-rumble 140-character entertainment like it did today, when his old/new paper (the Philadelphia Inquirer) ran an above-the-A1-fold piece on how difficult having a couple ...
Larry Fitzgerald: Inspiration to Amputees Everywhere
The healing process works like this: 1. Lose a leg. 2. Visually dedicate the replacement prosthetic to a great wide receiver. 3. Somehow meet that great wide receiver; get him to autograph and photograph your prosthetic (possibly at the Paradise Valley, Az. mall). 4. Said wide receiver will then pos...
A.J. Burnett is a Liar. He'll Tear Your Heart Up. He'll Burn Your Soul.
Let me tell you a little bit about what A.J. Burnett did on the day Tim McCarver did the right thing by outting the Yankees organization as Nazi Communist airbrush artists....
The King and His $49.5 Million Castle
This probably can't be stated as fact until He says it's so during ESPN's upcoming "Real-Estate Decision" extravaganza. However, word from LeBron subjects in the Coral Gables dominion is that His Eminence has taken a liking to a castle along Biscayne Bay. What better way to support Your PR talking ...
Tim McCarver: Yankees Front Office Takes After Nazi, Communist Propagandists
Tim McCarver apparently thinks there's a Yankees campaign to remove Joe Torre's Bronx contributions from the annals of history. So, in the fourth inning of Saturday's game against the Rays on Fox, he went all Tim Kampf on viewers....
Sheppard, Steinbrenner, (not) Berra
Woe was the New York Yankees website associate tasked with with writing the "Berra misses Old-Timer's Day after fall" release today after a week of franchise death notices....
Painting of Tiger Woods Vomiting
If you're a puke-play enthusiast/fetishist, you've probably already started panhandling for the $80 necessary to purchase this gem out of West Oakland....
When Notre Dame Football Players Get Arrested, Touchdown Jesus Weeps
Ain't no party like a South Bend party, cause by the time a South Bend house party gets stopped by police, someone's hand is going to get lacerated and some police officer's camera is going to take a mugshot of Joe Montana's son Nate....
Buy Anna Kournikova For 15 Minutes
Add the Philadelphia Freedoms professional tennis team to the "Needs to Re-learn How Liam Neeson Reacts to Human Trafficking" list....
Larry Johnson Prefers Arts to Sports (and Wilding to Arts)
Even athletes have to pay for shoving and spitting on women in da club, whether there's a bottle full of bub involved or not. Those offenses earned Larry Johnson 40 hours of community service at the Kansas City Police Athletic League where it was judicially presumed the Chief-turned-Redskin would h...
Mayweather/Pacquiao Deadline Passes, Mayweather/Pacquiao Deadline Doesn't Really Pass
As far as media conference calls go, the 3 a.m. ones are the best....
Looking Back On It, ESPN Editor Was Very Impressed With ESPN Event
If you're curious what a lame, easily starstruck ESPN shill sounds like after he's been put in close proximity to Very Famous People, please read this wet fart of a column by Page 2 factotum and pizza critic Lynn Hoppes....
Hot New Trend Sweeping Through Suburban Chicago: Beating The Crap Out Of Mascots
Have you heard? Anybody who's anybody knows that the coolest thing to do now—at least in the lawless cesspool of the northwest suburbs of Chicago—is to beat up a mascot at an amusement park. Random assault fever—catch it!...
In Which We Try To Class Up That Burger King Parking Lot Fight Video
Yesterday's fight video was so operatic in scale and intensity of emotion that we figured we'd give it the soundtrack it deserves....