e Page 9022 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Patriots First Round Draft Pick Gets Progressively Worse
Because that's pretty much all the 49ers have left to stay motivated at this point. Their record helps that pick they famously gave to New England continue to plummet. A silly little upset of Tampa Bay puts them at 5-10 and currently the Patriots pick 8th....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while perusing fake Craigslist ads... • 8:00 p.m. — Hawaii Bowl: East Carolina vs. Boise State. It's so inconvenient to have to bring your own blue paint on road trips, but it's worth it. [ESPN] • 8:15 p.m. — NFL: Redskins at Vikings. Or, a rematch of the colonization of Newfoundland. ...
He Who Wears This Jersey Shall Be Filled With Sudden Rage
By now it's probably too late to order any gifts online. That's why in case I forgot anybody, I bought The Simpsons Movie DVD and kept it unwrapped. "Oh, I knew you wanted this so badly, I forewent wrapping it. That's how much I care!" But if that special someone is a baseball fan, maybe they can wa...
When Canadians Visit Phoenix
• Roberto Luongo dances rather well to Elton John songs. [Orland Kurtenblog] • Pete Carroll fears nothing. Not even you. [Super Punch] • Perhaps Mike Lupica is the real host of "Sports Reporters." [The Big Lead] • UConn basketball, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she...
Bears Upset Packers, Their Quarterback Sort Of Helped
A cursory look at the 1 o'clock games led one to make a face comparable to sniffing a plate of expired deli meat. But sometimes expired meat is salvageable, which led to the creation of the hot dog. Similarly, this bundle of games gave us a couple of surprises....
It's December 23. Nobody's reading this. So let's take this time to congratulate Canadian curler Kevin Martin and his team on winning The National curling tournament this afternoon, giving him five straight curling Grand Slam titles. See what happens the weekend before Christmas? Curling updates fin...
West Virginians Should Get Out Of The Conspiracy Theory Business
There's been a wave of sympathy for Michigan in the past year, and I for one hoped they were going to find a good solid coach from the lower ranks to bring up, like Ohio State did with Jim Tressel. That didn't happen, and my sympathy swung to West Virginia for losing their fabled coach Rich Rodrigue...
Kevin Everett Picked The Wrong Game To Attend
For as much as he's been through this year, injured Bills tight end Kevin Everett has to be all confused why the Giants aren't exactly collapsing according to plan this late in the season....
Speeding Tennis Balls To The Nads Are Painful, Scientists Confirm
The now-swollen man named Jason Fields did this in the name of science, which was curious how the heart rate changes while anticipating a frozen rope to the sack. Suffice to say, we need to bump Fields to the absolute top of the national list of people who are in desperate need of being donated a bl...
NBC's Gift To Me Is Curling On Television
• 1:00 p.m. — Pool: Women's 9-Ball Championship, Lincoln City, Oregon. If you go on a date with a girl and she beats you in pool, it's probably a good idea to either never call her again. [ESPN] • 2:30 p.m. — Curling: Korbel Elite Challenge, Rockefeller Center Ice Rink. Why there's a televised curli...
Downsizing Impacts Everything, Even Closers
Due to budgetary setbacks, today's NHL Closer and ... um, whatever the hell we were calling the college basketball thing will share a post. We apologize for the inconvenience, and we fought this thing as far as we could before we thought a Photoshop of a basketball and a hockey puck would look reall...
Pretend It's A Playoff Game, And The Heat Are Suddenly Good Again
Let's see if I got this right. The Miami Heat are still supposed to be good because Shaquille O'Neal is still tall, Dwyane Wade is still making commercials, and Pat Riley's hair gel also doubles as a love potion, or so claimed the highly motivated salesman and his cardboard kiosk. But even after Wad...
Brigham Da Noise, Brigham Da Funk
We've been fortunate so far that most of the bowl games have given us actual watchable football. Sure, while many of the games are devoid of tradition ("New Mexico! It's ... culture!") but so what? The way the bowl system is set up, fans normally bludgeoned with story after story of Tim Tebow and Le...
Tony Romo Distracted By Watching Marion Barber Run Through Linebackers
I'm sure everyone involved in the Dallas Cowboys organization would love to get home to their families by Sol Invictus, but they all have some unfinished business even after beating the Carolina Panthers 20-13 last night....
About Last Night...
What you missed while publicly executing Santa Claus... • NFL: Matt Moore was disrupted by printouts of ... your mom. Cowboys escape Carolina with a 20-13 win. • NCAA Football: Best two out of three then? BYU avenges regular season loss to UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl. • NCAA Basketball: Oregon loses ...
Jessica Simpson Won't Be In Romo's Head, More Like Against It
It might seem a skosh ridiculous that Carolina Panthers fans are going balls out on this Jessica Simpson cutout distraction thingy tonight against Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys, considering that Terrell Owens has said repeatedly that Simpson really isn't a distraction to the team after all. So th...
No, we're not doing a Deadspin Quote of the Year (although I'd rather enjoy the acronym "DQUOTY"). The Word of the Year and Sportshuman of the Year have given us enough radio buttons already. Fortunately, others are picking up the slack. The QUOTY turned out to be: "Don't Tase Me, Bro." Also in the ...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while finding alternate uses for your excess candy canes... • 5:00 p.m. — New Mexico Bowl: Nevada vs. New Mexico; 8:00 p.m. — Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl: BYU vs. UCLA. Wait, no non-sports-related sponsorship tie-in to the New Mexico Bowl? Not Interested. [ESPN] • 4:30 p.m. — College Basket...