ea Page 2194 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Gilbert Arenas Wants To Help Your Love Life
During a moment of boredom last week, we caught an episode of that "Tell Me That You Love Me" show on HBO On Demand. We think it might be the most annoying television show we've ever seen. Basically, it's just a bunch of rich white people complaining about How We Just Don't Communicate The Way We Us...
It's Time for Sunday Night Football in U.S. America (This Time on Sunday!)
After getting through Thursday night's season kick-off with John Madden only drawing one penis on the screen, Eli Manning is hoping he'll pick up the slack for this evening's tilt, as Manning's Giants travel to Texas Stadium to wage battle in a manner most NFC East with the Cowboys....
More Late Game Bukkake
San Diego 14, Chicago 3 LaDainian Tomlinson made up for a fallow first half with a flush fantasy second, throwing for one touchdown and rushing for another, but still managing only 25 yards on 17 carries. Tommy Harris can jump offsides all he damn pleases, it's still not making up for a parlous Bear...
Tomlinson Rushes Not Exactly Like Nike Zoom Commercial
All possessors of the first pick in their fantasy football leagues would like to have a word with LDT at the moment, as the reigning NFL MVP (though Pacman Jones is the raining NFL MVP) has 12 yards on 11 carries in the first half against the Bears....
Legislating From The Luxury Box
Before the 1978 season, the NFL's owners passed a shit-ton of rules that were designed to scale back the role of physical contact in the game. Under the new rules packages, wide receivers could not be bumped more than five yards from the line of scrimmage. Offensive lineman were allowed to use your...
We're Just Getting Started, If By "Started," You Mean "Halfway Done"
It was TheStarterWife who said things were totally different on this side of the wall, and all I can add to that is "ain't that the fucking truth." But we've learned a few things that we'll be sure to apply toward tomorrow's festivities. First of all, we realize that Nibbles really is a delicate fl...
With Your Boys, Talkin' S***. But You're Going Home Alone, Aren't'cha?
If there's a theme to Saturday nights, it's saying and doing things you regret on Sunday. Therefore, here follows a round-up of the various mealy-mouthed guarantees and guarded boasting that amounts to this week's "bulletin board material." You said you're confident in your team's chances of victory...
A Quick Thought On Fantasy Football (Take 2)
I am in four fantasy leagues this year. Last year I was in eight. I'm also the proud owner of two keeper leagues, in both of which I am commissioner. When someone asked me why I would willingly serve as such a glutton for punishment, I replied simply, "I would rather be the guy in charge."...
Kill Kill Kill Comes to Deadspin
Of course they had to go and suspend the righteous mallard for next week's home game against Fresno State. Damn, I really would have liked to see the duck in action against Lloyd Carr....
We Keep Our Wanka Kits In The Nightstand Drawer
Good news for those of you who haven't been able to track down a replica jersey of the Jacksonville Jerkoffs of the old ABA: the hot new jersey in the U.K. is that of Peruvian soccer club D. Wanka:...
Parlay O' the Week
Amateur athletics and gambling go together like bacon and hot fudge. Each weekend I will share some of my valuable college football gambling wisdom with you, the reader. Just remember, most of said "wisdom" comes from years of losing ridiculously speculative bets; when you lose all your money don't ...
College Games You'd Wade Through A Pile Of $#!+ To See
Only two games this weekend feature ranked opponents going head-to-head. But there are still plenty of intriguing non-conference matchups on the schedule. And you never know when a highly ranked team will shit the bed against an unworthy foe. Could Florida lose to Troy? Anything's possible now....
The Gay Mafia Invade The Mothership
Oh, hello there. We, the fine gentleman from Kissing Suzy Kolber, have been charged with guiding you folks through this, the very first weekend of the NFL season. And we could not be more excited. Not only do we get to watch football, we also get to rush to the computer every five minutes to do HTM...
Thank Heavens For The NFL
• Another reason never to get excited about anything. • Mark Mangino will kill you. • Scott Van Pelt had had it up to here with your Internet garbage. • The NFL actually started its season. • Jeff Reed! • Shush, Barber. • Boy, oh boy, Michigan. • Rugby players make great dads. • Enjoy your Sunday! •...
He Should Have Armed Himself If He's Going To Decorate His Saloon With Our Friend
Look son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shooti...
Colts Fans Are Staying Hungry
Not the best of seats for this family, but it's closer to the snack bar. Plus, right after the game, I hear that he found the third Willie Wonka Golden Ticket!...
Man, The Colts Are Pretty Good
In case you had any question about it, the man in the white jersey is Jason David, former cornerback for the Indianapolis Colts, now corner for the Saints. He went against his old team last night. That shot of him, chasing somebody who has streaked past him? There are a lot of those....
No More Waiting Around; The NFL Is Back
You want to know how long it's been since there was some damned NFL football? The last time a game counted, we glogged it. It seems like decades ago. And now, with your last chance for sign up for the Pick 'Em Pool, we welcome an actual live season....
NFL Season Preview: Dallas Cowboys
Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that it's today. That's close....