el Page 1778 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Even Magic Johnson Has Given Up On The Lakers
It's come to this. Last one off the bandwagon has to root for the Celtics!...
NFL Net Anchor Says He Is Bad At Math, Then Makes Horrible Math Error
Today, draft day, is, we trust, a busy day at the NFL Network. No time for lots of things. But no time for math?...
Scouting Report: Roger Goodell
With the NFL draft now upon us, we feel it's only appropriate to present this scouting report on commissioner Roger Goodell. What follows are the assessments of various NFL players, plus one television executive, and one online dictionary. ...
Here's Steve Nash In A Wheelchair, So Good Luck With That, Lakers Fans
We knew Steve Nash was a wreck. Injuries made him look like an old man last night, so he's getting an epidural for his <strike>hamstring</strike> back today in the hopes of playing in Game 3. He also has a bad hamstring, and nerve damage in his hip, which probably aren't good things for a basketball...
This Hockey Brawl Featured Four Goalies Fighting Each Other
If a goalie fight is hockey's Holy Grail, this is drinking unicorn blood out of the Holy Grail while doing 90 in a Camaro Z28....
Coolest GIF Ever Shows Five Overlaid Yu Darvish Pitches
Two takeaways: Yu Darvish is really good (notice that his release point is the same on every pitch), and hitting a baseball is really hard....
The Brilliant, Crazy Sorority Girl Emailer Has Left Delta Gamma
You will recall the heady days of a week ago, when we first published an email from a Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. "I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU"? Ring a bell?...
The Hawks-Pacers Series Is Boring, But These Dunks Are Not
Don't give a shit about who wins the first-round playoff series between the Hawks and Pacers? Don't worry, neither does anyone else. But you should give a shit about what Roy Hibbert and Gerald Green did last night. Each threw down a dunk that was more than worthy of the playoff stage....
The Lakers Are Breaking Down
The Lakers lost, 102-91, to fall down 0-2 in their matchup with San Antonio. The game was unremarkable: the lead was eight at the half, 10 after the third; the Spurs were their usual, relentless, efficient selves. The Lakers were directionless, and with two more possibly significant injures, it migh...
This Is The Natural Evolution Of The Horseface
Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to [email protected]....
Michael Bay's Ode To Meatheads: <em>Pain & Gain</em>, Reviewed.
There are many movies that could have been made from the raw materials of Pain & Gain, which is based on a series of outrageous Miami New Times articles about three dimwit Florida bodybuilders who in 1994 kidnapped a rich local businessman and stripped him of all his assets. Some filmmakers, for exa...
Bayern Demolish Barcelona In A Changing Of The Guard
In the first leg of last night's Champions League semifinal, the world witnessed a coup that was anything but graceful. For Barcelona, it was painful, tragic, vaguely horrifying. It was violent. After five years of undisputed domination, Barça were not allowed to simply fade away, to retire back to ...
So, Where Can You Get Your NFL Draft Spoilers This Year?
One consequence of the NFL's ever-swelling influence over American sports fans has been the transformation of the NFL draft from a curiosity that was fun to watch on a lazy April weekend into a three-day spectacle that occupies primetime programming spots on ESPN and the NFL Network. But the draft's...
Harrison Barnes Is Still Very Good At Dunking
We haven't really heard much from Harrison Barnes ever since he opened the season with a vicious posterization of Nikola Pekovic. But last night Barnes played the game of his career, scoring 24 points and grabbing six rebounds while playing as an undersized power forward. He also threw down this sp...
Cop Posing As Hooker Tells Browns LB Anal Sex Would Be An Extra $20
Journeyman linebacker Quentin Groves only signed with the Browns—his fourth team in six NFL seasons—last month. Welcome to Cleveland!...
Scottish Soccer Player Admits To Booze-And-Hooker-Fueled Bender
It was about a month ago when Paul Slane, once a rising star in the Scottish Premier League and a member of Celtic, tweeted out some salacious photos of himself getting, uh, "friendly" with two women (NSFW picture after the jump). This came shortly after Slane suffered a series of debilitating injur...
A.J. "Fuckin' Shit" Clemente Gets Pep Talk From News Legend Tom Brokaw
A.J. Clemente, whose first day at the anchor desk of Bismarck NBC affiliate KFYR became his last after being fired for opening the show with "Fuckin' Shit," made the rounds at NBC this morning and even earned a pep talk from one one of the biggest figures in broadcast news: Tom Brokaw....
Luis Suárez Given Ten Match Ban In Order To Chew Over What He's Done
Liverpool striker Luis Suárez earned a ten-match ban for biting Chelsea's Branislav Ivanović during Sunday's match at Anfield....