el Page 2045 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Minnesota Twins Disrespect Lesbian Love And God's Law
Kelsi Culpepper and Taylor Campione, a same-sex couple from Minneapolis, are filing a complaint with the Minnesota Department of Human Rights after a Target Field security guard rebuked them for kissing at a Twins-Angels game last month. City Pages reported:...

Deadspin Gives Back
If you're in the catering and/or bulk "grill chicken salad" business, here's your chance to get a jump on Bil Wilson's mother's birthday next year....

Brett Keisel's Neptunian Beard Will Be Forever Commemorated On This Idiot's Forearm
Johnny Menesini, a caterer from Pittsburgh, had Brett Keisel's bearded mug (which is no longer so bearded) tattooed on his forearm recently. We must say that it looks very nice — despite being a giant face on an elbow crease....

Now LeBron Is Insulting Your Intelligence, Too
LeBron James "clarified" his postgame comments about how people who rooted against him were losers with "personal problems"—that is, he shied away from his own quote as if it were a wide-open clutch-time three-point opportunity:...

NFL Is Surprisingly Uncool With Its Players Appearing In Uniform Advertising "Pornstar Exxxtravaganza"
To be fair, those five players are Brandon Flowers, Eric Berry, Kareem Jackson, Jacoby Ford, and Major Wright, and we're willing to bet most potential patrons of the Pornstar Exxxtravaganza wouldn't have identified them all. They needed their uniforms....

Stay Soft, Dirk Nowitzki
Even before Dirk Nowitzki lifted a championship trophy on Sunday night, he was being held up as a new man. Nowitzki had reinvented himself, we were told. He'd finally "shed" the Euro-soft label plastered to him throughout his career and, to much adulation, morphed into the sort of rugged warrior tha...

How The Hell Did This Car Get Inside This Van?
Police in Germany stopped this Kazakh-plated Sprinter van on the A1 Autobahn after noticing the rear door wasn't quite flush. Upon stopping the vehicle they realized why. A Mazda 626 stuffed inside. Here's the how — and the why. [Jalopnik]...

Brad Marchand Punching Daniel Sedin Like An Inflatable Clown, Set To An Adorable Child's Song
We came across this cute Canucks kid, doing his own version of a Twisted Sister classic. We spruced up the visuals....

Minor League Team Hands Out LeBron Championship Rings, And Yes, They're Non-Existent
You know you done goofed when they're making fun of you in Peoria. The Cubs single-A affiliate was planning on honoring the 1990s Chicago Bulls teams on Thursday night, but they decided on an additional giveaway....

Peyton And Eli Manning Are: <em>Football Cops</em>
Our tipster grabbed these photos and videos of the Brothers Manning filming in Greenpoint, Brooklyn last month. (He then promptly gave them to TMZ, which posted them much faster than we did.)...

Charles Barkley Trashes The Miami Heat, Part 372: "God Is A Dallas Mavericks Fan"
Sir Charles keeps trolling, this time on both the Mike Lupica Show on ESPN 1050 and then on WIP Philadelphia with Howard Eskin and Ike Reese. There is nothing new here, because we've been listening to Barkley lambaste the Heat and especially Two of their Big Three on a regular basis for the past f...

Doctors Raise False Hopes In Largest-Ever Study Of Beer's Benefits For Athletes
Here's some bittersweet news from the world of beer. In the largest-ever study of its kind, research scientists have shown that the consumption of wheat beer has a positive effect on athletes' health, with one caveat: the study was conducted using non-alcoholic beer as the test beverage — a not-so-m...

The One With A Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Selling Herself For Sex Parties On Craigslist
Welcome back to Deleted Scenes. This space is now reserved for those scuzz-money entrepreneurs who've unsuccessfully tried to sell us prurient information. This is also where we'll run notable emails we've received from some of our readers. All emails are [sic]'d. Enjoy. ...

Premature Jocularity At Home Plate Costs Would-Be Winners State
One young man thought he was coming home with the winning run in extra innings of a Connecticut State Championship. In his rush to celebrate, he missed touching home. His team would go on to lose....

Elaine's Was A Dump, Or The Grantland Fallacy
ESPN's Professional Southerner Wright Thompson used his space in Grantland to write a loving meditation on Elaine's, the now-defunct bad New York restaurant mainly known to people under 45 as a Billy Joel lyric. This made Thompson at least the third member of his little circle of sportswriting buddi...

Mark Cuban Says Dallas Punked The Shit Out Of Miami Fans, And He Says It Repeatedly
Yes, Mark Cuban dropped the s-bomb on SportsCenter. But he'd been practicing. This is what happens when a guy doesn't get to talk to the media for a week....

Michael Vick Delivered A Graduation Speech, But No One Paid Attention
Remember Dwight Eisenhower's famous farewell address, where he warned us of the military-industrial complex, but we didn't listen to him and wound up in lots of unnecessary (and unnecessarily costly) wars? Maybe this is the lowbrow version of that address....

What It's Like Being The Only Drunk One At The Frenzied Malaysian Soccer Cup
The 2011 Malaysia FA Cup played its championship game yesterday—Terengganu FA defeated Kelantan FA, 2-1, and Cyrus_the_Virus, who says he was the drunkest person out of 80,000 spectators (Malaysia is a Muslim nation), was on hand for the sights and sounds, a stranger in a strange land....

Watch Eric Hassli's MLS Goal Of The Year
One might wonder, the first time one sees hockey or soccer, why the players don't bank goals in off the post at all times—the goalies can never save them. Here's one of the prettiest examples you'll ever see, from Eric Hassli of the Vancouver Whitecaps. From outside the penalty box, on a quick rec...

Watch Man U's Gary Neville Throw A Truly Terrible First Pitch At A White Sox Game
Gary Neville, who played right back for England and Manchester United for perhaps forever, before retiring this year, was in Chicago on Thursday night to throw out the first pitch before the White Sox-A's game. Man U and the Chicago Fire will be playing a friendly shortly. He and his 400 caps are ...