el Page 2305 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Usain Bolt Is The Fastest Man Alive. Your Move, Lindsay Lohan
So is there room in the same Olympics for both the best swimmer and best sprinter of all time? Jamaica's Usain Bolt showed what he can do when he decides to run the entire distance, grabbing his his second world record and his second Olympic gold medal, winning the 200-meters in 19.30 seconds to bre...
Introducing The Smart Look For Back To School
Notice to any women who are hoping for hot multiple gold medal sex with a certain big-eared swimmer in the coming weeks; Michael Phelps' sperm are not to be trifled with. As this T-shirt by The Hotness Factory clearly illustrates, his boys can swim; they are pretty much the Navy Seals of spermatozoa...
Amanda Beard Does Not Want To See What's Inside Michael Phelps' Speedos
Just days after finding out Lindsay Lohan and apparently half the European runway model population would like to possibly make him their boyfriend, Michael Phelps earned a little lesson in humility this week thanks to oft-nude swimmer Amanda Beard. Beard, appearing on a radio show based in Phoneix, ...
There Is Access Right There In Front Of The Croissant Table
This morning I attended the "ESPN NFL Kickoff Breakfast and Session with George Bodenheimer" in New York at the Bryant Park Hotel where " executives, producers and on-air commentators " were made "available to discuss the upcoming season..." and I still don't know why. I phoned Leitch about coming ...
College Football Previews: #12 Wisconsin
Today we're bringing a bit of Big 10 cross-pollination for you as Iowa fan Adam Jacobi from Black Heart Gold Pants brings the Badger love. At least a little bit? He also blogs at Fanhouse. 1) Wisconsin's tight end is Travis Beckum, a 26-year-old taxi driver who's recently been discharged from Vietn...
It's Cheer Day In Philadelphia! (This Will Not End Well)
Ah Philadelphia, Land of 10,000 Losses; where they throw batteries at J.D. Drew and boo Santa Claus. Derision falls like rain here, and everyone gets soaked; especially the Phillies, who are in danger of slip slidin' away in the NL East. The reason? According to Jimmy Rollins, it's fan negativity. H...
Michael Phelps Getting Him Some Lindsay Lohan (OMG, LOL)
When it comes to Michael Phelps, Lindsay Lohan is apparently willing to postpone this whole lesbian thing. While interviewing Michael's mom Debbie on Monday, Hobbit-like Access Hollywood correspondent Billy Bush received a text message from Lohan, which he proceeded to show Debbie while on the air. ...
Stop Us If You've Heard This One Before
David Hirshey Michael Bertin writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer. If the season were to end today Stupid Fucking Bolton would be going to the Champions League. A corner of the universe just started to fold in on itself simply because that sentence was typed. If... If my aunt had a penis she'd...
College Football Previews: #14 Texas Tech
Today's Texas Tech preview of pirate head coach Mike Leach is brought to you by Stephen Hagen. He's a Texas Tech alum and he hates A&M with unmitigated fury. So with only ten days until kickoff, enjoy his preview. Also, again, I'd like to apologize to all the people who wrote in requesting to do a p...
CBS Accidentally Leaks College Football Television Schedule?
I've gotten this link from several people but am still working to confirm its accuracy. Typically CBS doesn't announce which game they're covering until about ten days before the game would kick off. Which always makes planning travel and hotels and the like difficult. But allegedly, due to a compu...
Removing Vowels Make Comments Appear to Be Written in Bulgarian
To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, Commenting Guru Rob Iracane will write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week. Mr. Iracane, co-proprietor of the brilliant Walkoff Walk , is also the guy who approves comments a...
Tom Barbero Was Only Trying To Cool Off
Nothing gets a suburban small town more in a tizzy than when a "noted sex offender" moves into the neighborhood. All the rehabilitation and prison time in the world can never convince overly- protective parents this monster will ever be available for car-pool or babysitting duties. Granted, regardle...
The Most Unimpressive Perfect Game Ever?
Does this pitcher look 13 to you? Mexico, once again I call shenanigans concerning your birth certificates. Anyway, Jesus Sauceda recorded the first perfect game in the Little League World Series in 29 years, although doing it in the least impressive way possible; in only four innings, and against I...
The Manny Wigs Are Here; Get 'Em While They Last
Now available at the Dodgers Pro Shop, finally; Manny Ramirez dreadlock wigs. The Dodgers were quite crafty with the release of this item; they're here just in time for back-to-school shopping. Backpack? Check. Binder? Check. Manny wig? Si! If the team wants to have any hope of outbidding the Yankee...
Welcome To The Post-Phelps Malaise
Late Saturday night Michael Phelps finally accomplished the impossible-turned-inevitable: 8 gold medals, setting hearts aflutter and cementing his legacy as an Olympic icon destined for corporate millions, milk mustaches, and being an overexposed special guest on NBC shows for the rest of his life. ...
Sunday Night Baseball: Padres-Phillies
Will Cole Hamels keep the Phillies in the NL East race? Will Cha Seung Baek prevent San Diego from being the worst team in baseball? Will you even be able to see this live blog? These queries and few others will be answered once you jump to the rhythm. (Jump jump to the rhythm.) * * * Okay, so nobod...
Pro Football Prospectus Dropped The Ball On Wes Welker
If you've ever read the FootballOutsiders annual tome, Pro Football Prospectus, then you know what they're all about. Their statistical, sabremetric-ish approach to a very complex game comes up with some interesting findings. But it's time to call a spade a spade, especially when it comes to America...
Kid Throws No-Hitter In Little League WS, But Loses Anyway
I'm wholly in favor of anything that humiliates children. Kids today need as much character as they can get in this bubble-wrapped nation of ours. And nothing builds character like getting one's prepubescent heart ripped out on national television. Just ask Jeffersonville, Indiana's Drew Ellis, who ...
A Dream Start For Chelsea, A Draw For Manchester
Big Phil Scolari's first Premier League match at the helm of Chelsea was pretty much perfect. The Blues began their campaign to reclaim the the league title with a 4-0 thrashing of Portsmouth at Stamford Bridge. Harry Redknapp's side was under constant pressure from Chelsea's reworked midfield, and...
Suggestions For Your One-Day Olympic Detox
Listed in order of start time: 12 PM Little League World Series: Pool play. I want this entire pool scrubbed, sterilized and disinfected! ESPN Classic, noon; ESPN2, 1 p.m., 6 p.m. and 8 p.m.; ABC, 3:30 p.m. 1 PM MLB: Chicago Cubs at Florida. Quick, what rhymes with Florida? WGN. 2 PM Golf: Nationwid...