el Page 2313 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Rafael Nadal's Girlfriend Is Rather Pleasant Looking
From the diligent folks at Guanabee comes this report: Rafael Nadal not only has the Wimbledon trophy, but also a now-not-so-secret super hot girlfriend, Maria Francisca "Xisca" Perello. Although previously a no-show at his matches, the college student was in attendance at Wimbledon, and I'm sure we...
Beachwood, Ohio Cancels Little League All-Star Game to Boost Self-Esteem of Players, Retroactively Surrender to Germans
Great, so now every single kid in Beachwood between the ages of 9-12 thinks they're going to play in the Major Leagues instead of the twenty-five kids who make the All-Star Game....
Jenn Sterger Fondly Remembers Erin Andrews When She Was Just An Attractive Nobody
Floridian Jenn Sterger, owner of the most popular cleavage in college football and budding something-or-other, appeared on"THE KILLER B's" ESPN 1470 (Tampa) Radio show and decided that her opinion about ESPN's sideline princess, Erin Andrews, was important and needed to be heard. Needless to say, St...
Aaron Rowand Is The Illusionist
Well, the All-Star rosters are complete, except for one spot on each team. Internet voting to determine those last two spots ends on Thursday at 2 p.m. PST, and Aaron Rowand of the San Francisco Giants would like your vote. Following the jump you will find his campaign video. The action is from Frid...
The Day After Wimbledon, Hyperbole Is At An All-Time High
After yesterday's exhilarating battle on the slippery grass at Wimbledon, most sports writers are flexing their purple muscles in the most amusing ways. Especially in Spain, a country that is probably on the verge of overdosing on sports euphoria after Nadal's victory came just a week after the Span...
C.C. Sabathia On His Way To Milwaukee
Or so says everyone from Cleveland, to Milwaukee, to Buster Olneyville. The Cleveland Indians, who at the beginning of the season thought they'd be able to compete, have officially moved white-flagged it by shuttling their number one starter with the crooked cap to the Milwaukee Brewers for power-ba...
John McEnroe: "The Greatest Match Ever I've Ever Seen..."
Rafael Nadal seemingly had won the 2008 Wiimbledon championship at three different moments during the epic nearly 5 hour match against Roger Federer. After two rain delays, two tiebreaker sets, and a final set sudden death where both he and Roger just sucked the life out of each other, it appeared a...
Faceless Spectators At Wimbledon Making Spectators With Faces Uncomfortable
Whatever kind of creepy counter-culture stunt this couple with the skin masks are performing, it's getting London a little worried....
Olympic Criminals Are No Match For The Chinese Scooter Police
You may think that you're a clever subversive, plotting to wreak mayhem at the Olympic Games. But you didn't count on the Glorious People's Scooter Police. Hands up, terrorist dogs! Hey, no fair fleeing over that slightly uneven terrain! Come back here!...
The Baron Of Clipperland
Baron Davis will do anything for love, but he won't do that. And by "that" I mean "be low-balled by the Golden State Warriors." Even if it means jumping ship and joining his hometown Clippers....
Let's Start Guessing Where LeBron Will Play In Two Years
The summer of 2010. That's when LeBron James will shun Northeast Ohio, get a plane ticket, head to New York City, play basketball, and win a championship with either the Knicks, the Nets, or an amalgamation of the relocated Memphis Grizzlies and Los Angeles Clippers, the Long Island Clizzers....
Pennsylvania's Lehigh Valley: Where Wife-Punching Pitchers Go To Die
Phillies opening day starter Brett Myers, has thrown his last high fastball up in the zone at the major league level for a little while. The Phillies, fed up with his putridity, have decided to send Myers down to the minors, in a last ditch effort to salvage his once formidable arm....
Jack Kent Cooke's Daughter Has Lots Of Moxie, Little Class
The daughter of former Redskins owner Jack Kent Cooke is a feisty little lassie named Jacqueline Kent Cooke and, like most millionaire heiresses, she seems to have a problem with authority and a staggering sense of entitlement. That would explain why she sued the executors of her beloved dead fat...
Viral Sports Videos Are Getting Less And Less Believable
This video has been circulating for a couple of days, supposedly showing Redskins kicker Shaun Suisham booting a 110-yard field goal in practice. As Martin Prince would say: "Highly dubious!" (is then pummeled by bullies). Is it a real kick? Video trickery? Gus, the Field Goal-Kicking Mule? Brett Ha...
Jelena Jankovic Not Doing Any Splits After Today's Performance
Not a good week for highly-ranked Serbian women, as third-ranked superstar Jelena Jankovic went down in the fourth round this morning at Wimbledon. Jankovic, known for her salty toughness and her love of Lita Ford's wardrobe, was bounced by the 60th ranked player in early morning action....
Steve Levy Is Most Comfortable When His Arms Are Full Of Young Vixens
(And...it's back! Kind of.)...
Apparently Someone Named Tyson Homosexual Is Very Fast
OutSports comes up with this bit of news this morning: Tyson Gay, who ran the fastest recorded time in history in the 100 meters on Sunday, was referred to as Tyson Homosexual in several headlines on the site OneNewsNow; which is run by the extreme right-wing American Family Association in Tupelo, M...
The World Is Clearly Not Ready For Justin Gimelstob
Jewish tennis fiend Justin Gimelstob caused a stir with his sexist, provocative, "hateful" comments about Anna Kournikova and other plump-chassis'd ladies of the WTA and has apologized. Gimelstob, who was first featured on this site a couple weeks ago after the Mighty Dan Steinberg interviewed the...
Rubes Falling For Fake Stone Cold Not Really A Stunner
A fellow masquerading as "Stone Cold" Steve Austin charged some dim bulbs at a Wal-Mart in Indiana for his autograph, then hightailed it through the crowd before a bunch of referees and backstage security could detain him. He then drank a couple beers and gave some people the finger....