eve Page 290 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Ozzie Guillen Has No Sympathy For Clevelanders
Guillen was nice enough to autograph a ball for an Indians fan before last night's game. He also put a personalized message on there. (Other side, just as knife-twisting, after the jump.)...

LeBron Watch, Day 5: Conspiracy! LeBron James Wants John Calipari To Be His Next Coach
Mike Brown is gone. So, what does LeBron James really want in his heart-of-hearts, that unknowable place the media have never seen? It couldn't be John Calipari, could it?...

"First Question: Where Are Your Pants?"
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Best News Lede Ever? Best News Lede Ever
"The Brevard County doctor who was arrested for groping a woman while dressed as Captain America with a burrito in his pants will not go to jail." [WFTV, via FilmDrunk]...

LeBron Watch, Day 4: Did LeBron James Get His Head Coach Fired?
Maybe not directly, but by refusing to take Mike Brown seriously, laughing at him after tough losses, and quitting on him in Games 5 & 6 against the Celtics ... close enough....

Steve Nash's And Craig Sager's Forbidden Love
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

LeBron Watch, Day 2: No, Seriously, Mo Williams Runs A Pit Bull Business
A comment in Friday's LeBron Watch about Mo Williams sparks conversation on the Internets, serving as a reminder that every joke's got a bit of truth to it....

LeBron Watch, Day 1: The Secret Reason LeBron James Might Stay Put In Cleveland
In the first installment of his occasional LeBron Watch, Esquire's Scott Raab, a native Clevelander, reveals the secret link between LeBron's mom and his free agency — and it doesn't involve Delonte West....

What A PR Guy Sounds Like When He's Returning Calls About Delonte West Banging LeBron's Mom
Remember all those absurd rumors about LeBron's mother Gloria and oft-benched teammate Delonte West knockin' boots? Well, I called the Cavs and left a fairly detailed message, asking for comment. And the Cavs called back....

One-Eyed Funnyman Steve Nash Responds to Phil Jackson's "Nash Carries the Ball" Dig
"I've never heard anyone accuse me of carrying it...I mean, the best coach in the league, Gregg Popovich, didn't have a problem with it last week." Bam! Man, I can't wait until this series actually starts, sometime in mid-June....

Cleveland Luminaries Join Forces To Win LeBron's Heart Through Terrible Song (CARL MONDAY UPDATE)
UPDATE: Yeah, that's Carl Monday at the 1:57 mark....

Can The Celtics Get Any Love?
Apparently the Magic have a third round bye, because to hear people tell it, LeBron was all alone out there last night....

Last Night's Winner: Everyone Who Doesn't Live In Cleveland
In sports everyone's a winner, some just win better than others — like every fan of professional sports franchises not located in Cleveland, Ohio. Bless yourselves today....

Cavaliers Go Out With A Whimper
LeBron James had a triple-double, Mo Williams answered the bell, but when push came to shove the Cleveland Cavaliers laid down and took what the Celtics gave them. That was that. And now the basketball world....EXPLODES!...

Cavs-Celtics: Your NBA Playoff Open Thread
Watch LeBron James disappoint every single sportswriter in the universe again. Or watch him take one step closer to earning their forgiveness. [Yahoo!]...

Last Night's Winner: LeBron James Bearishness
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like every writer who's had a nuclear "Fuck LBJ" column rattling around in their brain. After James's performance last night, most of them pushed the red button....

LeBron Plays Basketball Poorly; City of Cleveland Placed On Suicide Watch
The Cleveland Cavaliers were absolutely pasted tonight, at home, by the old and previously-thought-to-be-decrepit Celtics. LeBron James was not much help. It's big "Uh Oh" time in Northeastern Ohio....

Steve Nash Beamed Into Conference Finals
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Indians Announcer Goes On Epic Indians Rant On The Indians' Network
Bruce Drennan has had it up to here with the Indians' poor play this season. Yesterday, he decided to go through his scoresheet and give each player an equal-opportunity ripping, looking like a Don Rickles-Gilbert Gottfried hybrid in the process. [WFNY]...

And Now, The Taser Video You've All Been Waiting For
Ah, baseball. The crack of the bat. The feel of the grass. The smell of burning hair, as 1200 volts of electricity course through a 17-year-old's nervous system....