ew Page 2613 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

There Was A Bat Delay During The Providence-Marquette Game
And now, some Shameful Moments In Bat-Killing History, courtesy of the bat in the Bradley Center during the Providence-Marquette Game:...

Expensive Cable Sports Are Always Expensiver Than Ever
Today the New York Times's Brian Stelter crunches the (preposterous) numbers and finds runaway sports-programming costs weighing down the cable bill of everyone in America, whether or not they give Shit One about sports. The phrase "impending $7 billion deal with the Dodgers" should give you an idea...

Tom Brady's New House Literally Has A Moat
Above, Tom Brady's new $20 million California home, which, besides being sunken into what looks like an un-traversable valley, also has a moat—literally, a moat. You can't really see it from the above angle because the massive house is blocking our view, but here's another view, where you can the m...

Georgetown Beats Louisville In Game That Was 24 Seconds Longer Than Regulation And Came Down To The Final Possession
Fifth-ranked Louisville dropped its third consecutive game today to Georgetown in what was a one-possession struggle for the final six minutes of action. Those final six minutes, strangely, were actually a bit more than that; the clock inexplicably stopped at 6:07 and stayed that way for 24.37 sec...

Terrifyingly Mean Ravens Safety Bernard Pollard Refuses To Wear Pants
That's according to the New York Times, which today published a brief profile of Bernard Pollard that may have been the result of an unpleasant encounter between Bernard Pollard and the author of the profile. Though the piece is at pains to point out that Pollard is "confident" and, according to a f...
![Rejoice: The New Mascot In The Washington Nationals' Presidents Race Is William Taft, Our Fattest And Sleepiest President [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18cp6zbk5fvosjpg.jpg)
Rejoice: The New Mascot In The Washington Nationals' Presidents Race Is William Taft, Our Fattest And Sleepiest President [Update]
At a fan fest today, the Nationals will announce the addition of a new American president to their much-beloved mascot race, which already saw a shake-up late in the Nationals' season when Teddy Roosevelt won for the first time ever. Crowd-pleasers that the Nationals are, they understood that fans ...

Villanova Upsets Third-Ranked Syracuse Because Syracuse Was Stupid
A Ryan Arcidiacono three-pointer with seconds remaining in regulation forced overtime in Philadelphia, an opportunity of which the Villanova Wildcats took advantage in shocking Syracuse with a 75-71 victory....

How To Cook Lobster Tails: A Guide For People Who Don't Have Butlers To Do All The Work
Somewhere along the way, lobster became the symbol of gustatory luxury. You picture your stereotypical Person Of Means sitting down to a feast—me, I always picture olde-tymey plutocrats in top hats and tails, monocled, even the women and babies, because my experience of society's upper class begins ...

Lance Armstrong Lied To Oprah, Is Being Sued By People Who Bought His Book, And Refuses To Talk To The USADA
Lance Armstrong was motivated to do the Oprah Winfrey interview that made everyone hate him in part because he thought "coming clean" would be the first step toward reducing his lifetime competitive sports ban. Unfortunately, Travis Tygart, the head of the USADA and the person who could adjudicate ...

Former Duke Center Brian Zoubek Owns And Operates A Cream Puff Store Called "Dream Puffz"
I think the headline is pretty self-explanatory, but here you go:...

The Most Recent Fainting Spell Over Shabazz Muhammad Distills NCAA Compliance To Its Idiotic Essence
Shabazz Muhammad spent the first three games of UCLA's season—and his college career—sitting on the bench while the NCAA deliberated on whether he'd committed a minor infraction that he'd specifically been advised not to worry about when he committed it. When he was finally reinstated, he got back ...

Alleged High School Hockey Team Sex Tape Leads To No Consequences, One <em>Jersey Shore</em> Reference
Last Saturday, Minneapolis/St. Paul's City Pages reported that Maple Grove high school, in a suburb of Minneapolis, had suspended much of its hockey team and its head coach for reasons that have gone undisclosed in the intervening week. A source told City Pages the rumor that Maple Grove hockey pla...

Redskins OL Trent Williams Will Miss The Pro Bowl Because A Nightclub Patron Tasered Him And Cracked A Bottle On His Head
Yesterday, the Vikings announced that Matt Kalil would be taking over for Redskins offensive lineman Trent Williams in this Sunday's Pro Bowl. The Vikings couldn't supply any details and, as the Pro Bowl is an especially inessential exhibition, some speculated that Williams was merely resting from i...

This Fan Getting Hugtackled By LeBron James After Hitting A Half-Court Hook Shot Is The Greatest Thing Ever
During tonight's Pistons-Heat game, one lucky fan got the opportunity to shoot a half-court hook shot for $75,000. By some miracle, the shot went in, and nobody found themselves more excited about that fact than LeBron James, who rushed onto the court and leaped onto our cargo-shorted hero in a di...
![Here's A Photo Of Dick Vitale And The Schwab Out Clubbing In South Beach [UPDATED]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18cmoy5hhtmyjjpg.jpg)
Here's A Photo Of Dick Vitale And The Schwab Out Clubbing In South Beach [UPDATED]
The reader who sent this to us (click to enlarge) said it was taken at the Fontainebleau in Miami, sometime Wednesday night, sometime after Dickie V.'s Dookies got thumped by the Hurricanes. We haven't been able to verify any of that, but we think the image speaks for itself. [Update (7:10 p.m.): Th...

A Curious List Of Things That Floyd Landis Is Not Allowed To Say About Pat McQuaid
Pat McQuaid, former president of the Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI), has long been at odds with disgraced cyclist Floyd Landis. Recently, McQuaid filed a proceeding against Landis in a low-level Swiss court. The court ruled in McQuaid's favor, and Landis was given a list of things that he, acc...

It Now Only Takes One Third As Much Marijuana—Or "Street Drugs"—To Fail An NCAA Drug Test
Maybe you thought the NCAA would be busy covering its ass for illegally paying Nevin Shapiro's attorney to help it gather information to incriminate Miami. But the NCAA is big enough that it can break its own rules while stupidly making other stupid rules even stupider. To that end, it's cracking do...

Jerome Lane's Backboard-Smashing Dunk Was 25 Years Ago Today
Like any other 12-year-old in Western Pennsylvania whose favorite television program was any game involving any teams from The Old Big East, I was captivated by Pitt basketball in 1988. But the biggest memory—and biggest regret—I have of Jerome Lane’s dunk is that I missed watching it live....

The Lawyer For Fred Smoot, Who Double-Donged Two Hookers, Would Like You To Know Smoot Did Not Pee Himself After His DUI Arrest
Yesterday we passed along the news that Fred Smoot, the former cornerback best known for inserting a double-ended dildo into two prostitutes on a Vikings sex cruise, was arrested last month in Washington for a DUI. Among the information in the police affidavit: Smoot urinated down his pants leg whil...

A Lip Reader Deciphers The Umpire-Manager Arguments Of 2012
Originally published in Baseball Prospectus....