ew Page 2698 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Alabama Is At The Center Of A Photograph As Horrifying As It Is Puzzling
We received this picture of a reveling goblin-man delighting in fire and emptiness under the subject "ROLL TIDE!" No further information was provided. Aside from the Nightmare at sea level to the right, we are unsure what we are looking at....

UNC Academic Scandal Continues, Reportedly Tolerated Cheating
While the actual "student-athlete" may have died a long time ago, the conceit somehow lives on. As college athletics has grown in popularity and profitability, the NCAA quietly killed the student-athlete and replaced him with an evil twin brother. It used to be a ringer was a guy who had no connecti...

Why Does Everyone Care Which Exit Lane Kiffin Used When He Left The Visitor's Locker Room Last Night?
Yesterday afternoon's much-hyped grudge match between USC and UCLA went in the Bruins' favor immediately, and for good; the score was 24-0 midway through the second quarter, and, despite a spirited comeback to bring the Trojans within three, UCLA won by 10. The Bruins have the better record in the P...

Losses By Oregon, Kansas State Ensure All-SEC Title Game
Welp, it happened. Kansas State, once thought unbeatable†, loosed the SI-cover-jinx-aided mother of all bedshits Saturday. Call it the revenge of the Southwest* Conference: Texas A&M downs the No. 1 Crimson Tide last week, Baylor (editor's note: LOL) conks the Wildcats this week. This is agonizingly...

Report: Andrew Bynum Hurt Himself While Bowling
Andrew Bynum will finally play for the 76ers when ... oh, who fucking knows? Bynum hasn't played or practiced this season because he and his haircut were traded to Philly this summer with chronic knee problems. The injury that had kept him sidelined was a bone bruise in his right knee, and Bynum has...

Kansas State Gets Blown Out By Baylor And Oregon Falls To Stanford At Home As The Top Two BCS Teams Get Their First Losses On The Same Night
A week from college football's end-of-season reckoning and Kansas State and Oregon, ranked first and second respectively in the BCS standings going into today's games, have taken their first losses of the season. The defeats likely pave the way for a new BCS leader in (gulp) Notre Dame, a 38-0 win...

Adrien Broner Beats Antonio DeMarco, Takes WBC Title, Says "No Homo" In His Post-Fight Interview
The above was how Adrien Broner commemorated his TKO victory over Antonio DeMarco tonight. He also plugged his Instagram and Twitter. Meet boxing's new big thing: the annoying, unfunny guy on your Facebook feed. [HBO]...

The University Of Maryland's Twitter Account Was Hacked, Kept It Pretty Real For About Twenty Minutes
Along with Rutgers, the University of Maryland looks likely to flee its current conference for the Big Ten, and some people—notably, the person who hacked Maryland's official Twitter account tonight—are pretty happy about it. At first it seems conceivable that the person who manages UM's social med...

Beer Of The Week: Stella Artois, Belgium's Allegedly French Beer
Apparently Stella Artois used to be advertised in the U.K. under the slogan "reassuringly expensive." Without knowing the relative merits of price and quality across the pond, I can only rejoice that such a snotty tagline has gone the way of doctors prescribing cigarettes. There is nothing reassurin...

The Marlins Specifically Promised Not To Trade Jose Reyes And Mark Buehrle, Traded Jose Reyes And Mark Buehrle
Need another reason to hate the Marlins? Let's add this to the list (there's seriously a list): not only did the Miami Marlins and their awful ownership trade away half the team—they did so despite promising at least two stars, who signed with the Marlins this summer hoping to stay in Miami for some...

Odell Beckham, Jr.'s 89-Yard Punt Return Tied Things Up For LSU Against Ole Miss
In a run that reminded old-timers of Billy Cannon's feat against the Rebels in 1959, LSU's Odell Beckham, Jr. sprinted 89 yards on a punt return to tie things up between the Tigers and Ole Miss this afternoon and lending life to a seventh-ranked team that had up to that point left a usually "Deaf"...

The Mismanaged, Crazy Jets Might Be Keeping Tebow On The Bench Because They Can't Afford The Incentives In His Contract
One of the great things about the Jets this year—the only great thing, perhaps—is that by dealing for Tim Tebow, emphasizing the extent to which they'd use him (they said it would 25% of snaps), and not using him nearly that much (it was 10.1% before week ten and inched slightly higher after), they'...

Rick Majerus Is Retiring Due To Heart Problems, So Let's Remember His Career The Way He'd Want It Remembered
Rick Majerus will no longer be lumbering up and down the sidelines at St. Louis University: He's been forced into retirement by a heart condition. The nature of Majerus's exit has led to a bunch of staid and somber reflections on his life and career, with passsages like this, from USA Today:...

The Ballad Of The Other J.R. Smith, Web Designer And Recipient Of Much Of The Praise And Scorn Meant For The Knicks' J.R. Smith
Via Trey Kerby, the above mournful tweet, from J.R. Smith, the web designer (and, as his Twitter bio puts it, "NOT A BASKETBALL PLAYER"). If you're wondering how the other J.R. Smith can tell basketball season has started up, well, social media really has a way of putting people in touch with their ...

Fingers Are Not Supposed To Look Like Georgia Southern's Valdon Cooper's Finger Looks
FCS squad Georgia Southern has already got their work cut out for them, facing the Georgia Bulldogs in one of today's many "guarantee" games. Their disadvantage got even worse when defensive back Valdon Cooper suffered a really, really gross finger injury, which we've accented with the usual Deads...

This Week's Signs Of The Apocalypse
For nearly two decades, Sports Illustrated has stirred the tea leaves to discern a weekly Sign of the Apocalypse. Deadspin salutes the magazine's ongoing effort to cover the end of times but declines to cede the scoop on the biggest event in world history....

University Of Florida Marketing Dept. Outlaws The Acrobatic Parts Of Cheerleading In Response To An Orlando Magic Cheerleader Injury, UF Cheerleaders Righteously Pissed
On Tuesday, Jamie Woode, a member of the Orlando Magic cheerleading squad and "stunt team"—that's where they throw you around—fell during a between-quarter routine and landed on her head and neck, fracturing three vertebrae and breaking a rib. It was scary and uncomfortable to see her on the groun...
!["Kiffen [Sic] Has Soft Balls": Your Roundup Of The Best Signs Behind The College Gameday Crew](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/185lpdilrfblnjpg.jpg)
"Kiffen [Sic] Has Soft Balls": Your Roundup Of The Best Signs Behind The College Gameday Crew
It was very, very dark in Oregon at the beginning of this Gameday installment, so big shout-out to University of Oregon students for not only being awake, but for having made their signs the night before....

Lee Corso Almost Killed A Duck On College Gameday
At this point, we have no grounds for saying whether or not the duck is dead. The duck could be alive, it could be in the final, painful throes of death, it could be totally OK—maybe ducks are more resilient than they look. Maybe. We're not veterinarians. All we know is that the duck was not happy...

How To Make A Thanksgiving Side Dish: A Guide For Slackers And Overgrown Children
So Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and if you're lucky, somebody the hell else is hosting it. Lost amid all the talk in recent years of various turkey-cooking methods—the relative merits of roasting versus deep-frying; whether to brine the bird or cook it upside down or baste it every few f...