ew Page 2936 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Roger Clemens Is Going To Play Professional Baseball Again
Roger Clemens hasn't pitched since 2007. Probably because he's old and fat and toxic. But just two months removed from a pointless perjury trial, Clemens thinks he still has enough in the tank to take the mound—and the Sugar Land Skeeters think he's enough of a draw to offer a contract....
The Marlins Are So Bad, Showtime Canceled <em>The Franchise</em> Early
The profanity-filled televised examination of a miserable baseball season that was The Franchise: Miami Marlins will come to a premature end Wednesday as Showtime airs its final episode of the series, one producers hoped might show the ins and outs of a pennant contender but ended up being organiza...
Richard Bachman Will Wear A Stephen King-Inspired Goalie Mask
It's got to suck to be the Dallas Stars' backup goalie. He'll never be the most famous person named Richard Bachman, even though the guy ahead of him isn't actually named Richard Bachman. But he's embracing it, with this new mask from David Gunnarsson, featuring art from The Shining....
Rich Old Cracker Says Incompetent Woman Can Play Golf At His Stupid Club
I am a man. I woke up feeling great about myself today, but I didn't know why. Now I totally do!...
Why Your Team Sucks 2012: Chicago Bears
Some people are fans of the Chicago Bears. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Chicago Bears. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read the other Why Your Team Sucks 2012 previews here....
Meet Joe Paterno. He Lives In Paterno, Italy.
PATERNÒ, Italy—Heading west from the Sicilian port city of Catania, I see two things—the volcano that has destroyed Catania seven times since the age of the Greeks and, a little farther down the road, an exit sign for a city whose name would remind any American of calamity: Paternò. ...
Phillies Prospect Makes Home-Run Robbing Catch
That's Derrick Mitchell of the Triple-A Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs reaching above the wall to take away a home run from Toledo Mud Hens catcher Brad Davis in the eighth inning last night. The Express-Times of Easton (Pa.) said it was one of two outstanding catches Mitchell made during the game. We're...
Indians Closer Chris Perez Confronts A's Fan: "Get Your Dick Out Of Your Mouth"
Oh, Chris Perez. Back in May, when the Indians really were in first place, Perez called out Cleveland fans for their lack of support at the gate. Oddly, he also tends to puke on the mound on occasion. And yesterday, in Oakland, a tipster named Mark says Perez was getting heckled by an A's fan duri...
There Are Closed Captioning Typos, And Then There's Calling Carlos Peña "Hitler"
Closed captioning transcriptionists have hard jobs, especially in sports. Fast action, foreign names, and occasionally-drunk announcers all throw stumbling blocks in the way of providing meaning for the hearing-impaired....
"Play Hard And Have Fun And Let The Chips Fall Where They May": Little League Manager Fires His Team Up
ESPN caught Indiana's manager Brett Mann firing his little leaguers up in between innings and it's not only awesome, but exactly what you want to see from little league sports. Yes, he wants to win and he's urging them on so they can win, but he's not talking about "glory" or being a "champion" or...
Here's Kobe Bryant Playing Electric Guitar, Scoring 68 Points in 15 Minutes
And both happened in China, which is the only way any of this makes sense. We were first alerted to this by Eye on Basketball and they have some details, culled from Kobe's facebook page....
Mark Martin Is Lucky He's Not Dead After Crash In Michigan Today
Mark Martin is 53 and only races part time these days. Today being one of those days, Martin was leading on lap 64 of the Pure Michigan 400 when things quickly turned south....
Man City Accidentally Put In Bid For Lionel Messi Literally Because Of The Telephone Game
According to former Manchester City chief executive, Gary Cook, the offer was made in 2008 while the club was in the process of being purchased by Sheikh Mansour. Cook copped to the mistake in the directly-named book "The Manchester City Years."...
Jason Pierre-Paul Dumps Prince Amukamara Into An Ice Bath, Sports Writer Loses His Ever-Loving Mind
I wish I could tell you this video, that ProFootballTalk posted during the Giants thrashing of the Jets is cause for "concern" in the New York Giants "locker room." Nothing would make me happier than to sit here and pound out a paragraph that suggests the Giants are on the verge of a team meltdown...
Counterpoint: Aw, Screw Ryan Lochte
Yesterday Sean headed off the typical pile-on after an athlete misstep by contextualizing Ryan Lochte as, rather than the preeminent dumb jock of our time, just the latest in a long line of tacky and oblivious athlete-mannequins that have always been around. Not a parable, not a lesson—just another ...
Barry Zito Sums Up His San Francisco Giants Career In One Pitch
There are expectations and then there is reality. The expectation, when the Giants signed Zito to a seven-year, $126 million contract, was that his time with the Giants would at least approximate his career to that point with the Athletics. Then, reality....
Andrew Luck Made A Shitty Doodle of Lucas Oil Stadium And It Sold For $1500 On Ebay
People often bemoan the grown men who go autograph hunting, and maybe rightly so, but that's a debate for another day because there is something far, far worse. It is the guy who spends $1500 on a fucking chicken scratch sketch of a stadium drawn and signed by some rookie NFL player who hasn't even...
My Night With The Fake Chuck Knoblauch
As soon as I walk in I try and spot the problem cases. I start my job as doorman in a Brooklyn bar around 9, and by that point on a Friday you've already got a handful of people turned way on. Friday night was kinda crowded, couple of SHOT! SHOT! chanters, one guy nodding off on his stool, but for ...
Red Sox Player Mutiny Now Kelly Shoppach's Fault Somehow
The New York Daily News features a screamer of a headline this morning: "Adrian Gonzalez off the hook as NY Mets' Kelly Shoppach takes fall for Boston's text mutiny." Oh, weird! I guess, contrary to the report from Yahoo, it was not "Adrian Gonzalez, texting on behalf of himself and some teammates,"...