ew Page 3083 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Marlins Have Scheduled A Five-Minute Standing Ovation After The First Pitch Tonight
Tweets Jayson Stark: "Still no word on who's throwing out first pitch at Marlins Park. But MLB has scheduled a 5-minute standing O when he or she is announced." Hmm. Jeb Bush?...

10 Historical Events That Would've Been Completed In The Interval Between MLB's First And Last Opening Days This Year
1. Anglo-Zanzibar War (38 minutes) 2. Death and resurrection of Jesus (according to Bible) (36 hours) 3. October Revolution (2 days) 4. Bay of Pigs Invasion (3 days) 5. Operation Desert Fox (4 days) 6. The ground conflict of the Gulf War (4 days) 7. February Revolution (5 days) 8. Six-Day War (6 day...

Document Reveals What Joe Paterno Would Have Said About Jerry Sandusky If Given The Chance
Don Van Natta Jr.'s lengthy account of the Penn State scandal for an upcoming issue of ESPN The Magazine does not contain a whole lot of new information for anyone who's been following the story closely. It is, however, an excellent overall summary of the case—particularly Pennsylvania governor Tom ...

John Calipari Used To Make A Nets Intern Defend Him By Calling Into New York Talk Radio
Now that John Calipari has finally won an NCAA championship, Adrian Wojnarowski has written something over at Yahoo that posits the Knicks' job as Calipari's potential next step. Wojnarowski is a terrific reporter, so the rationale behind his suggestion—money, the spotlight, leverage, Calipari's bit...

Bernard Pollard Says The Saints' Bounty Punishment Is Just About The Dumbest Thing Ever
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Pollard has had it up to here with Roger Goodell....

Joey Votto's New Contract Is Like A Mortgage-Backed Security
Reds first baseman Joey Votto officially signed a big contract extension today. A big, honking deal: 10 years, $225 million, on top of the two years and $26 million the Reds already promised him for 2012 and 2013. There's an option year for 2024....

Kaká's Long-Range Finesse Strike Was A Work Of Art
While APOEL's Cinderella run through the Champions League was mostly over before today's return match at Real Madrid even started, Kaká helped slam the door by increasing the aggregate lead to 5-0 when he landed a shot from a position and with a curve more reminiscent of his teammate Cristiano Ro...

Better Know An Umpire: Jerry Meals
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. ...
![Howard University Suspends Entire Athletic Program [UPDATES]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17ikhptsxk8dgjpg.jpg)
Howard University Suspends Entire Athletic Program [UPDATES]
Washington City Paper reports that Howard University is temporarily suspending all sports teams and all upcoming games while they investigate...something. The school's terse statement:...

Why Did We Ever Like These Movies? <i>American Reunion</i>, Reviewed.
When you think of the big franchises of the last 10-15 years, you've got your Lord of the Rings and The Matrix and Harry Potter. But in its own special category has to be American Pie. For a four-year run starting in the late '90s, Jim and Stifler and the rest of their Michigan crew were Hollywood's...

Rain Delay Theater: An All-Mississippi Faceoff
Southern Miss and Ole Miss were to meet in a neutral field matchup at the Braves' minor league park in Pearl, Miss. last night, until the rains came. The delay lasted for more than 90 minutes before being called off, giving both teams plenty of time to entertain themselves and the crowd....

Nice Of Marlins Park To Include A Bobblehead Hall Of Nightmares
Lost in all the other wonderful features, like the fish and the home run sculpture and the fact that Marlins Park is actually really nice is something called the Bobblehead Museum. No need to come to Little Havana to see it—it'll come to you in your nightmares....

Baltimore Orioles Find A New Way To Lose To The Baltimore Orioles
Near the end of spring training, major league teams will sometimes schedule an exhibition match against a local minor league or college squad. It provides for some local buzz, the minor league team gets to say they played against major league talent, some money often goes to charity, and everyone go...

Better Know An Umpire: Bob Davidson
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. ...

Did Anyone Watch Jim Rome's New TV Show Yesterday?
Three months after details emerged about Jim Rome's move from ESPN to CBS Sports Network, his new program Rome premiered last night at 6 p.m. ET. Evidence of anyone having actually watched it, though, is scant....

Designated Shitters: Help Deadspin Plumb The Secrets Of MLB Restrooms
From Fenway to Camden Yards to Marlins Park, baseball is defined by the built environment. We've already surveyed the big picture. Now it's time to explore the depths. We're looking for photos and stories to build an online guide to the restrooms of Major League Baseball—the Yelp of plop, you might ...

Report: The Vikings Are Trying To Hire Bill Parcells
Oh, you thought Bill Parcells was going to babysit the Saints for a year? Not if Zygi Wilf gets his way, says the New York Post:...

Everyone Trying To Undermine Bobby Valentine
Beyond Lester, Beckett and Buchholz, the Red Sox rotation was up in the air. Would it be Daniel Bard, once the closer-in-waiting, now being stretched out to be a starter? Alfredo Aceves, the Yankees cast-off who can start, relieve or close? A guy named Felix Doubront? This being the Red Sox, and thi...

Lebanese Basketball Player Has Career Night, Scores 106 Points Above His Season Average
Mohammad El Akkari is a guard for Moutahed, Tripoli, in Lebanon's Division A League Final 8. He scored 113 points in Tuesday's 173-141 victory against Bejjeh, Jbeil—a slight improvement over his season average of 7.6 points per game. Akkari was 40 of 69 from the field, including 32 of 59 from 3-poin...

What The Astrodome Looks Like After Sitting Untouched And Rotting For A Decade
The Eighth Wonder of the World hasn't been used since the rodeo moved next door to Reliant Stadium in 2003. There are fanciful plans for the Astrodome, still preserved in time and set up for a football game of a team that doesn't exist—luxury hotel, movie studio, etc. But for now it's still just a s...