ew Page 3378 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Drunkenly Pissing On The 11-Year-Old Daughter Of A Cancer Patient Will Cost You A Shot At The Olympics
And we can all thank Robert Vietze for teaching us that valuable lesson. Vietze, 18, literally pissed away his spot on the U.S. Ski Team during a red-eye flight from Portland to New York this week. Shorty after takeoff, Vietze staggered five rows in front of him and just started whizzing on the leg...

Dennis Rodman's Gym Class Would Like Him To Hurry Up And Finish At The Hall Of Fame
Your morning roundup for Aug. 12, the day after a 15-year-old app developer would have been better off leaving well enough alone. Photo via AP. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

The Lady Whose Face Got Mauled By A Chimp Does Not Look Like A Lady Whose Face Got Mauled By A Chimp Anymore
The first post-face-transplant photograph of Charla Nash was released today. Nash is the woman who got "mauled by an out-of-control chimpanzee" named Travis, who was in a bunch of commercials and lived with a widow in Connecticut....

Let's Watch Cowboys In Police Cars Try To Lasso An Escaped Bull
"We've had wildlife in the city before, but I don't remember a bull being downtown and you're right ... we were concerned for the bull and for citizens' safety." — Mike Hirman, Auburn (WA) Police Department [WJBF]...

Yep, An "Olympics Ambassador" Is Now A "Riot Suspect"
Well, this one kind of wrote itself for the Daily Star in London:...

If You Want More Info About Brandon Marshall's Stabbing Or Non-Stabbing, Today's Your Lucky Day
The South Florida Times, a publication that prides itself on "Elevating the Dialogue," went ahead and got its hand on all sorts of paperwork about an April 23 incident at Dolphins WR and all-around good guy Brandon Marshall's house. You remember, the law said his lady stabbed him but he decided not...

Here's Video Of A Brawl On The Wildwood Boardwalk (NSFW)
It's not every day that you see a brawl on the Wildwood Boardwalk, which is located near the southern tip of the Jersey shore. That only happens on the days you go to the Wildwood Boardwalk....

Dodgers Spokesman: Our Usher Was Only Kidding When He Swiped A Foul Ball From A Kid
Remember last night's video of a Dodger Stadium usher swiping a foul ball from a giddy kid at a Dodgers/Phillies game? Yeah, the Dodgers said the usher only swiped a foul ball from a giddy kid temporarily. He was funning with him, you see. The official statement:...

Your NFL Preseason Games Open Thread
And so it begins, with the "games" for which ownership demands you pay full ticket price to ensure regular-season attendance, but they're not really games at all. They're practice sessions at which understudies replace the stars just after the performance begins. If not before that....

Science! Picks Your BCS Champion
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: The Predictalator is back, determining the participants and outcomes of every Bowl game....

Making And Remaking History In Olympics-Addled Beijing
Adapted from Tom Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Future, available at your favorite bookseller....

Okay Easton PR Guy, You Win
Perhaps you've seen "Ultimate Batting Practice" around this week; it's a full fledged viral video now. You'll recognize it by the egregious sodomy of physics, and the prominently-displayed dual Easton logos. It's a "dude" making magic with four pitchback rebounders, and that's all the info that come...

Here's Video Of A Soccer Ref Getting Pushed, Punched And Kicked Before Being Chased Off Into The Night
He also gets hit directly in the head with the ball. Almost forgot that. [BobsBlitz]...

Cubs Consider Getting Rid Of Wrigley's Most Iconic Feature
The ivy is safe. The troughs are endangered. ...

Brewers Pitcher Fiddles With Scissors, Loses
"Narveson was fiddling with his glove with a pair of scissors when the scissors somehow slipped and sliced his left thumb. That would be the thumb on his pitching hand. Eight stitches were needed to close the wound, Brewers manager Ron Roenicke said." [Sporting News]...

<em>Jersey Shore</em> Finally Finds Its Voice: Joe Buck
Your morning roundup for Aug. 11, the day it wasn't a good idea to let a six-year-old drive the car. Photo via @danpbell. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Ray Guy's Three Super Bowl Rings Ended Up Being Worth $96,216
Old Raiders punter Ray Guy went bankrupt. So, a judge told Ray Guy to sell off the hand jewels he received for participating in Super Bowl victories over the Vikings, Eagles and Redskins. No word on who made off with the rings via Nate D. Sanders Auctions — "Sorry, I can't disclose the winning bidd...

Bryce Harper Got Thrown Out Of A Minor League Baseball Game Tonight
Washington Nationals prospect/messiah Bryce Harper of the Harrisburg Senators didn't agree with the umpire's strike call in tonight's game against the Richmond Flying Squirrels. So, he slammed his helmet to the ground, got ejected and did some yelling. Good times were had by all....

It Sure Looks As If One Mexican Soccer Player Had Some Bowel Issues Tonight
Tonight's big winner in the US/Mexico friendly in Philadelphia? Well, nobody. The match ended in a draw. Tonight's big loser? No. 9 on the Mexican side, who is probably wishing that they'd gone with the white shirt/green shorts kit....

Here's What Ian Darke Referred To As "The First Goal Of The Klinsmann Era"
The USMNT evened their match against Mexico at one in the 73rd minute on this goal by Robbie Rogers. Rogers came into the match about a minute earlier, replacing Michael Bradley, son of the team's former coach....