ew Page 3551 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Charlie Weis Will Live to Fail Another Day
Even though his formal meeting with Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbick isn't scheduled until December 8, the leaked reports coming out of South Bend say that head coach Charlie Weis will miraculously return for 2009. Weis, 28-21 in his four years at Notre Dame, ended the 2008 season in predi...

Colbert: It's High Time The Government Stays Out Of Our Sweatpants
If you think you've considered all angles of the Plaxico Burress story, think again. Stephen Colbert provides food for thought in this segment from Tuesday's Colbert Report, in which he asks the perfectly reasonable question, why should a consensual act between a man and his semiautomatic Glock hand...

Plaxico Burress Suspended For The Rest Of The Season
The New York Giants waited until the very end of the day to announce that Plaxico Burress will in fact be placed on the "non-football injury list." This is effectively a suspension that removes him from the Giants roster for the remainder of the regular season and the playoffs, and (unlike injured r...

Jon Stewart Reports That Sweatpants Do Not Make A Good Holster
I'm a little surprised that The Daily Show didn't break in with weekend coverage of the Plaxico Burress story; the whole thing seems cobbled by comedy elves just for Jon Stewart. Finally on Monday he was able to jump on it, and while not as good as Dash's efforts on this story, Stewart did not disap...

Newspapers Are Revelant And Helpful, Particularly If You Like Ike
On Thanksgiving morning, I picked up a copy of the Columbus (Ga.) Ledger-Enquirer, the daily paper round those parts. I did it out of habit; I was eating an English muffin and needed something to do with my other hand. Whatever your thoughts about the newspaper industry, I think we can all agree tha...

Breaking!: Plaxico Burress May Have A Sore Leg
An urgent SportsCenter update has just informed the world that Plaxico Burress showed up to work today, less than 24 hours after facing the horrors of central booking at the One Seven. The notorious skel (hey, I've seen NYPD Blue) reported to the Giants training facility this morning, per team rules...

Drew Rosenhaus Is A Master At The Art of Circumlocution
The Deadspin Morning Video Wake Up Call will return through the holidays. If you have any suggested videos to fill this space, email us. Subject: Morning Video Wake Up Call....

No, This Is How You Wrap Your Hand Around Erin Andrews' Waist
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Lane Kiffin Hiring: A Volunteer Fan's Perspective
In a move that proves he has gigantic balls of steel, UT athletic director Mike Hamilton has replaced a national championship winning coach with an all-time record of 152-52 who graduated from and played for his university with a 33 year old who went 5-15 in 1.25 seasons as the coach of the Oakland...

Plaxico Burress Update: He Still Has A Hole In His Leg
Do you remember a couple of years ago when Dick Cheney shot that guy and the basic facts of story were so utterly ridiculous that all you had to do was say "The Vice President of the United States shot a man in the face" and that counted as both a joke and a serious analysis of the situation? That's...

Boom Goes The Dynamite, As They Say
The Deadspin Morning Video Wake Up Call will return for a brief period of time through the holidays. If you have any suggested videos to fill this space, email us. Subject: Morning Video Wake Up Call....

Erin Andrews Is Not Creeped Out by These Fine, Upstanding Tar Heels
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

NFL Preview: It's All About Timing
Last week, I was riding in an elevator with a friend of mine (let's call him General Tao). It was one of them fancy elevators with the t.v. screens constantly showing news updates, and it was packed. A story popped up on the screen about how People had named Hugh Jackman the Sexiest Man Alive. Sensi...

For Your Viewing Pleasure: How to Stuff a Wild Deadspin
• 3:00 — Movie: In the Valley of Elah [MAX] - Woman stands topless in front of you... "ma'am" could be taken as an insult. • 3:30 — Golf: LG Skins Game, Back Nine [ABC] - After nine holes, Not Tiger is leading Not Tiger while Not Tiger has yet to earn a skin yet. If you're a betting reader, we'd tak...

For Your Viewing Pleasure: It's a Hard-Knock Life for Us
• 12:00 — Movie: Annie [ABC Family] - If your team loses today, you just stick out your chin and grin and say... • 12:00 — Sport: College Football - Georgia Tech at Georgia [CBS] - Stone Mountain will be leveled by the sheer force of will emitted from this game. This will not be enough to convince s...

Week In Review: My Moustache Brings All The Boys To The Yard
This has been a nice short week, building up to the inevitable shitshow that will start next week. That's right — changes are afoot at Deadspin. But we'll work through them together and make every attempt to keep this place as lively as usual given the circumstances. It's not earth-shattering, but i...

Erin Andrews Even Looks Pretty When She Makes a Blowfish Face
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap. Friends of the Program found a pretty phenomenal screen shot of sideline princess Erin Andrews all puffed out while grilling the University of Texas' head coach Mack Brown with ins...

If This Is A Fling At Racial Profiling, They're Doing It Wrong
Community leaders are in an uproar over the situation at Danville (Ill.) High School, where the basketball coach, they say, used racial profiling when he cut eight members of the varsity team recently. Here's where they lost me, however: It's an all-black team. Racial profiling attempt in Danville, ...

After Abilene Christian's 93-Point Saturday Afternoon, Fans Ask What's Next?
Stuff you may not know about Div. 1-AA II Abilene Christian University: Their quarterback, Billy Don Madison Malone, was once the heir apparent to J.P. Losman at Tulane, and some says he's better. Wilbert Montgomery, who still holds the franchise rushing record for the Philadelphia Eagles, is a prou...

Anonymous Anti-Weis Source Hints That Ditching The Ineffective Coach Is Possible
$4.5 million. That's what the Chicago Tribune's Notre Dame source says it would take to get rid of Charlie Weis after four seasons. Even though there's been no indication from ND's athletic director that he'll be booted, it appears some of the influential alumni members are ready to move on. The Tri...