f Page 1017 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Vote In The Name Of The Year Sweet Sixteen
With plenty of real estate remaining in 2019, it’s masochistic to imagine what next year could look like. Emperor Trump? World Series champion Mariners? The mind reels! But whatever horrors might unfold in 2020, we have at least one pop culture stalwart to soothe ourselves in the post-Game of Throne...
Nikola Jokic Showed Gary Harris How To Soothe His Bashed Testicles
While Jamal Murray was catching fire late in the fourth quarter and leading the Nuggets to a dramatic playoff win over the Spurs, his teammates, Nikola Jokic and Gary Harris, were dealing with a separate problem....
Nothing Could Have Shaken Mike Malone's Faith In Jamal Murray
It’s hard to overstate just how bad Jamal Murray was through the first three quarters of Game 2 against the Spurs. The numbers are as plain and grim as numbers get: 0-of-8 from the field, two assists, and a plus-minus of -18 in 24 minutes. But even those numbers don’t quite capture the depths to whi...
What The Hell Happened To The Lightning?
Six days in April can change a lot....
Damian Lillard Boils Old Ham
Damian Lillard absolutely torched the Oklahoma City Thunder on Tuesday night with 26 points, six assists, five rebounds and three steals. It was a performance that came in a convincing 114-94 win that gave the Blazers an important 2-0 lead in the first-round series....
Jamal Murray Washed Away The Sins Of His Horrendous Start With A Near-Perfect Fourth Quarter
Late in the third quarter, the Nuggets were close to overcoming the 19-point deficit the Spurs had put them in just a few minutes earlier. Thanks to the efforts of Malik Beasley, Denver had whittled the lead down to six with about 1:30 remaining in the quarter, and San Antonio was forced to call tim...
The Lightning Should Spend The Entire Summer With Paper Bags On Their Heads
Never has an NHL team had more reason to be embarrassed. First period of Game 1 aside, the Tampa Bay Lightning who won 62 games in the regular season failed to show up in their first-round series against the tremendously underestimated Columbus Blue Jackets, and they paid the price. As the Lightning...
Jacob Wohl And Jack Burkman Wasted My Time, But On The Bright Side, They Wasted Theirs Too
Jack Burkman and Jacob Wohl have put their heads together and made an ass of themselves yet again. The Goofus and Goofus of right-wing outrage added to their overstuffed portfolio of unnecessary and unwanted press conferences with a soft-hitting expose on corruption in the college recruiting realm....
Who Farted On <i>First Take</i>?
Here it is, the only reason to ever discuss First Take in a serious manner. During a characteristically loud discussion about Kevin Durant in Monday’s episode, it very much sounded like someone coughed as a maneuver to cover up a fart. But who was the culprit?...
A Good Idea For Multiplayer Video Games
Drew wrote in this week’s Funbag about getting waxed by his own dang kid in FIFA 19. In our staff chatroom, I mentioned that the one time my own young son succeeded in beating me in Street Fighter II on the SNES Classic (after roughly 200 tries), I had to ruthlessly blank him in two straight rematch...
What Is The Best Plate Shape?
Today, we’re talking about Game of Thrones, pizza pilgrimages, movie knowers, bad candy bars, and more....
Montrezl Harrell Is Very Finicky About His Free Throw Routine
Clippers center Montrezl Harrell is a giant dude who will try to dunk on anyone and scrap for every rebound. He’s spent the first two games of the playoffs succeeding in both areas, going 20-for-24 from the field and causing trouble for the Warriors. He’s also rather fussy about how he is presented ...
Goddammit, DeMarcus Cousins Is Probably Done For The Playoffs With A Torn Quad
DeMarcus Cousins might be the unluckiest player in the NBA. After eight seasons on two of the NBA’s most cursed franchises, Boogie’s first-ever playoff run is almost certainly over after 25 minutes and 11 points, as the Warriors announced Tuesday that Cousins has a torn left quadriceps. ...
Someone Has To Clean Up After Broadway's Creative Destruction
If you are familiar with the still boyishly handsome but extremely serious actor Ethan Hawke, you know that when stage directions state that a character he’s portraying onstage wields a golf club and then is “seen smashing typewriter methodically,” Hawke will absolutely be smashing the shit out of a...
F.A. Panel Says Wayne Hennessey Is Too Stupid To Have Done Nazi Salute
No one could have been more delighted to hear that Crystal Palace goalkeeper Wayne Hennessey is apparently a huge idiot than Wayne Hennessey himself. That’s because the F.A. panel tasked with investigating a photo in which the Welsh keeper appeared to have been making a Nazi salute gesture cited tha...
Russell Wilson Is Getting <i>Paid</i>
Russell Wilson is now the highest-paid player in NFL history. Just before the midnight (PDT) negotiating deadline Wilson’s camp had set with the Seahawks, the two sides agreed to an extension with a max length of four years and a max value of $140 million. Wilson had indeed tried to use his extraord...
The Warriors Deserved That
Tiger Woods sat back and said, “Well, what I did was pretty damned impressive, but that? Did you see THAT?” “That,” of course, was the most spectacular pipe job in NBA postseason history....
Cale Makar Has Arrived And His Parents Are Just Barely Holding It Together
It’s been a busy few days for Cale Makar. On Friday, he was named the Hobey Baker Award winner for top college player. On Saturday, he and UMass played in and lost the NCAA Championship game. On Sunday, he signed an entry-level contract with the Avalanche, who had drafted him fourth overall in 2017....
Robert Kraft Is Challenging The Florida Constitution To Keep You From Seeing Video Of His Hand Job
Can billions of dollars buy permission not to abide by a state constitution? Robert Kraft—owner of the New England Patriots, overseer of one of the greatest dynasties in modern NFL history, and self-styled humanitarian (if you ignore the coziness with Donald Trump) is betting yes. He hired some of t...
Put Lou Williams In The Hall Of Fame For What He Just Did To The Warriors
The L.A. Clippers pulled off an absurd comeback victory against the Golden State Warriors on Monday night, tying the first-round series at one-all by winning 135-131 after being down 94-63 in the third quarter. They were aided by a DeMarcus Cousins injury and a late Kevin Durant foul out, but the Cl...