f Page 1096 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Coach Who Always Looks Like A Pile Of Dirty Laundry Scolds Reporter For Slouching
Lions head coach Matt Patricia got testy with a reporter in today’s presser after being asked a question about how trading Golden Tate made the franchise better. The inquiry apparently didn’t bug him so much as the posture of the person asking it....
Life Must Go On During A Military Occupation
This piece is part of a recurring series that aims to be a complete guide to the laws of war. You can read previous entries here....
How Long Can The Sixers Experiment With Markelle Fultz?
The Philadelphia 76ers are now 4-4 after last night’s 129-112 loss to the Toronto Raptors, which counts as something of a disappointing start for a team that roared through the second half of last season to finish 52-30. Last year’s Sixers finished the season with the fourth-best net rating in the l...
The Browns Are Being The Browns
Happy Halloween from Emergency Football Show Weekly! This week Dom and I discuss the Browns’ coaching changes, why morning NFL games are so great (Dom—and West Coasters—may disagree), Michael Dickson’s fourth-down run and Todd Gurley’s decision to go down before scoring a touchdown. Enjoy!...
Oh Look, Russell Westbrook And Patrick Beverley Still Hate Each Other
The sun rises and sets, people die and are born, and a grudge grudges between Russell Westbrook and Patrick Beverley. The years-long feud flared up again last night during the Thunders’ 128-110 win over the Clippers, with Westbrook whipping out the “rocking a baby” celebration after scoring on Beve...
Bills Fan Faces Stiff Punishment After Cops Pegged Him As Dildo-Thrower
Police were pretty hard on Florida man Michael Abdallah, 34, who was arrested for throwing a dildo on the field during the Patriots-Bills game on Monday. The cops reportedly used security camera footage and eyewitness accounts to grab Abdallah; then they squeezed him for $250 in cash or $1,000 in b...
Maryland Is Big-Time College Football
DJ Durkin is back. The Maryland head football coach, who in the very best-case scenario, was so incompetent at overseeing a program that he allowed it to turn into one so toxic and so physically dangerous to players that it killed one, but who was so competent at instilling a culture of “fear” that ...
What More Details Do Rafael Nadal And Novak Djokovic Need To Cancel Their Saudi Arabia Exhibition?
As of now, world No. 1 Rafael Nadal and No. 2 Novak Djokovic are still slated to play in a December exhibition in Saudi Arabia, and have yet to decline the invitation even as details about the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi continue to emerge. Nadal and Djokovic cited the duration of their com...
You Can't Escape The Peterman
Gather round, if you dare, and enjoy this very scary story on Devil’s Night....
Red Sox Fans Worship Tom Brady Shirt To Celebrate World Series Win
These people make me sick....
Whoa, Hey, Some Football Players Got Traded
The NFL stove is notoriously ice fucking cold throughout the regular season, but teams have been feisty over the last few days, and some big-name players have been traded for significant draft picks. The league trade deadline passed at 4:00 p.m. EDT today, and would you believe it, some more guys go...
Mohamed Salah Is Smiling Again
There was a minor inquest into Mohamed Salah’s state of mind following Liverpool’s comprehensive victory against Red Star in the Champions League last week. Salah scored twice in the 4-0 ass-kicking, but both of his post-goal reactions were noticeably subdued. The same was true after his goal the we...
The Booger Mobile Has Been Taken Down A Notch
For Monday Night Football games, analyst Booger McFarland is placed in a large contraption that strafes the field so he can get a view of the action that he could more or less get from a sideline camera. The Booger Mobile’s value to the TV viewer is debatable, but what’s clear is that it really aggr...
Dumbest Man In MMA Cuts Extremely Racist Promo Video
UFC welterweight Mike Perry—a walking, talking Florida Man caricature—is at it again. Perry is scheduled to fight Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone in a few weeks, and in a supremely misguided effort to promote the fight, Perry made a minute-long Twitter promo video so full of idiotic racist tropes that it wo...
Report: Board Of Regents Forces Maryland President To Keep DJ Durkin As Coach
Maryland football coach and alleged tyrant DJ Durkin will return to the sidelines this weekend for the Terrapins’ game against Michigan State, as first reported by 24/7 Sports. The University System of Maryland Board of Regents reportedly recommended that the school retain Durkin and athletic direct...
The U.S. Women Are So Good, They Can Afford To Experiment
For a brief moment during today’s women’s team finals at the 2018 world gymnastics championships in Doha, it seemed like a country outside of the traditional three—the U.S., Russia, and China—would grab a team medal. These were the standings at the end of the third rotation, with one to go. While th...
Help! My Boss Just Followed Me On Twitter
Today, we’re talking about T-shirts, gorilla suits, flowers, peeing, and more....
Ass Team Of The Week: Eli Manning And The New York Giants Will Break You
The New York Giants have transformed into a tremendous keister this season, the size and proportions of which have been amply documented on this very website. If you’re a regular reader you already know what the deal is: Eli Manning is old and shitty now and the offensive line can’t protect him and ...
Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie Retires Rather Than Keep Playing For The Raiders<em></em>
Former Giants and Cardinals defensive back Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie has announced his retirement today. He doesn’t appear to have suffered a season-ending injury, so perhaps his midseason departure has to do with the wear and tear, physical and emotional, of playing for the 1-6 Oakland Raiders....
Ref Kicks Dildo At Bills Game
Bills fans tossing sex toys onto the field is a well-worn bit at this point, as evidenced by the fact that three separate dildos made their way onto the playing surface during last night’s game against the Patriots. It’s probably time for the dildo-tossers to get a new gag, but this one plays as lon...