ff Page 279 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Gary Bettman Is A Hall Of Famer And He's Got Jokes

Six new members of the Hockey Hall of Fame were inducted in ceremonies Monday in Toronto, and it’s one of the deeper and more inclusive classes in memory. There are NHL legends Martin Brodeur and Martin St. Louis; Soviet superstar Alexander Yakushev, one of the greatest players in the world; Jayna H...

Nathan Peterman Has Been Released, Man

This evening, at exactly 8:00 p.m. EST, Buffalo Bills fans around the world read the five beautiful words they were beginning to think could never be uttered:...

Jared Goff Is Shooting His Shot With Halle Berry, I Guess

Jared Goff hoped she would hear it. On the Rams’ first offensive drive of their 36-31 win over the Seahawks, Goff called an audible, and knew the CBS mics would pick it up. “I was like, ‘It’s so quiet right now, this is going to get on TV,’” he said....

The Jets Defense Somehow Made Matt Barkley Look Competent

Before today, every Bills quarterback who had played in a game this season was either injured or deeply flummoxed by the game of football, so Buffalo’s had to dig deep into the scrap heap to find new guys to trot out. Fishing around with a rubber-gloved hand a few weeks back, they eventually grabbed...

Bills' Dion Dawkins Scores Wide-Open Fat Guy Touchdown

The Bills are currently dominating the Jets despite the fact that their fourth starting quarterback of the season, Matt Barkley, had not played a regular season game since Jan. 1, 2017. Buffalo clearly recognized that its opponent wasn’t going to stop anything today, so the oh-so-reliable fat guy to...

Bills Don't Rule Out Yet Another Outbreak Of Nathan Peterman

Nathan Peterman had the best game of his career last Sunday against the Bears. Yes, he threw for three interceptions and no touchdowns as he averaged a horrendous 3.84 yards per attempt on 41 passes, and yes, the Bills lost 41-9, but ... it appears there is no positive point on which to end this se...

Trump's New Attorney General Has A Wealth Of Sports Takes

Jeff Sessions resigned today as Attorney General of the United States at the request of Donald Trump. The Lilliputian bigot, a former Alabama Senator better known as The Keebler Elf But Racist, will be replaced for now by chief of staff at the Justice Department Matt Whitaker, a hulking bald Iowan w...

Lions Loss Leaves Kelly Stafford Defending Her Husband And Matt Patricia Struggling For Answers

The Detroit Lions are not the worst team in the NFL. Their 3-5 record has them out of the playoff picture but also out of the league’s subbasement. Their point differential, while not very good at -30, is a mere fifth-worst in the NFC, and it’s far more respectable than Buffalo’s -145 or Oakland’s -...

Someone Left A Poo At The Bills Game [Update]

The turd was there before the Bills game even started. “This sums up the season pretty well,” says Tim, the Buffalo fan who sent us this photo. Tim says he got to his seats about a half-hour before kickoff, only to discover a piece of shit in the row in front of him....

At Least Nathan Peterman Led The Bills In Rushing? 

You’d better be prepared for the Nathan Peterman Experience, because if you’re not he’s going to run your ass over. ...

The Vikings Defense Ate Matthew Stafford Alive

After starting the season with wins against Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers, the Lions have gone from a team that had dark horse potential to one that is definitively ass. This afternoon, the Vikings took advantage....

Nice?

It's Come To This For The Buffalo Bills

This quarterback update on the Bills is sadder and more revealing than it’s meant to be:...

DC United's Nick DeLeon Scores Clutch Game-Tying Goal, Then Chokes Away Decisive Penalty Kick

Well this was all very dramatic. DC United were down 2–1 in the 116th minute of Thursday night’s knockout round match against Columbus Crew, until Nick DeLeon ripped home a clutch equalizer from the edge of the box off a blown clearance....

Pro Boxer Loses After His Eye Puffs Up To The Size Of A Baseball <em></em>[Warning: Graphic]

Here is a lovely Halloween story for you: Swedish boxer Anthony Yigit suffered his first professional loss last weekend at the hands of Belarusian punisher Ivan Baranchyk. The fight was stopped by the doctor after the seventh round because Yigit’s left eye grew to the size of a grapefruit inside his...

Bills Fan Faces Stiff Punishment After Cops Pegged Him As Dildo-Thrower

Police were pretty hard on Florida man Michael Abdallah, 34, who was arrested for throwing a dildo on the field during the Patriots-Bills game on Monday. The cops reportedly used security camera footage and eyewitness accounts to grab Abdallah; then they squeezed him for $250 in cash or $1,000 in b...

You Can't Escape The Peterman

Gather round, if you dare, and enjoy this very scary story on Devil’s Night....

Mohamed Salah Is Smiling Again

There was a minor inquest into Mohamed Salah’s state of mind following Liverpool’s comprehensive victory against Red Star in the Champions League last week. Salah scored twice in the 4-0 ass-kicking, but both of his post-goal reactions were noticeably subdued. The same was true after his goal the we...

Ref Kicks Dildo At Bills Game

Bills fans tossing sex toys onto the field is a well-worn bit at this point, as evidenced by the fact that three separate dildos made their way onto the playing surface during last night’s game against the Patriots. It’s probably time for the dildo-tossers to get a new gag, but this one plays as lon...

Patriots Knocked Down A Solid Notch Or Two By Devastating Fan Sign

No recovering from this sort of burn, carefully printed out in landscape format across one half of a single 8.5" x 11" sheet of printer paper. Truly this must be the end of the Patriots dynasty as we know it....