ff Page 549 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Top Story This Morning: Holy Crap, The Umps Got One Right
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Clippering Of Blake Griffin's Career Has Begun
Clippers forward Blake Griffin, the No. 1 overall pick, has fractured his kneecap and could miss up to six weeks. There are easier ways to pay tribute to Danny Manning. [LAT, Midwest Sports Fans]...

Do You Believe In Omens?
If you do, I hope you're not a Yankee fan like me. Because the cracks are starting to show....

Yankees' Loss Inspires Frantic Search For New Small-Sample-Size Scapegoat
The Yankees lost 7-6 yesterday, and if it wasn't Girardi's fault, it was Burnett's fault or Hughes' fault or Swisher's fault, three men demonstrating an unmanly lack of clutch, unlike the New York media's new darling of clutch, Alex Rodriguez....

Cranky Old Man Goes Mike Tyson On Neighbors
When the local kids' football landed in his yard, a Michigan man reacted as any of us would: he bit one of their dads on the face. [Sports Rubbish]...

A Season Of Failure, Cont'd
Good news: This now looks to be a touch overstated. Mets owners actually made about $48 million in dealings with Ponzi schemer Bernard Madoff. Bad news: They're probably going to have to return the money. [Bloomberg]...

Awful Umpiring: The Human Element, They Said
Is this the worst postseason umpiring we've seen since Eric Gregg and Livan Hernandez?...

Jeff Fisher Mental Breakdown Watch, Day 1
The "leader" of the 0-6 Titans showed up to speak at a Nashville luncheon today wearing a Peyton Manning jersey. Said he "just wanted to feel like a winner." See, it's hilarious because he's a failure! [MusicCityMiracles/RecklessLove]...

Paranoid Angels Fans Accuse Mariano Rivera Of Throwing Spitballs
Angels fans have lost their freaking minds over the video below, which allegedly catches Yankees closer Mariano Rivera in the act of spitting on a baseball, right there in front of God and Joe Buck and 45,000 fans....

Jeff Reed: Defender Of Public Urination
Now we know the real truth behind Jeff Reed's cop trouble last night, and I owe him an apology. Reed was merely trying to defend his teammate—tight end Matt Spaeth—from police intimidation....after Spaeth was caught peeing in public....

Jeff Reed Still Has The Magic Touch
The Liquor Kicker got cited for public intoxication and disorderly conduct after stumbling from Heinz Field down to McFadden's Bar after the game yesterday. Fortunately, he got pinched by 9 p.m. so he could still get his sleep. [WPXI]...

Alex Rodriguez Wins The Weekend
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Alex Rodriguez, who won the weekend by making everyone forget how much they hate him. Take his hand and he'll lead you there.......

These Announcers Aren’t Drunk Enough. Jamboroo, Week 6
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

Phillies, Angels Team Up To Stop Yankees
A simple error by the MLB web team or wishful thinking by our Buddy Bud? Or is C.C. Sabathia so intimidating it takes the Angels lineup and all four Philly starters to bring him down?...

Terror Alert Level Lowered: The Thurman Thomas Tree Has Been Recovered
A wood carving of everyone's favorite Tecmo Bowl player (Bo Jackson is for noobs) went missing from outside Ralph Wilson Stadium yesterday. But no worries, as it's turned up across the border....

News From Lake Wobegon Mattoon (UPDATE)
It's been an uneventful week in Mattoon, Ill., where the women are robust, the men are pink-cheeked, and the girls start powder puff football brawls that spill over into the crowd....

Baseball's Robot Revolution Is Coming
The umpires managed to not screw up the Phillies-Rockies game last night (I think), but that hasn't stopped people from continuing to talk about how horrible they are. Today's solution? Let's turn baseball into tennis!...

Why Your Stadium Sucks: Kauffman Stadium
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: The Kansas City Royals' Kauffman Stadium....

The Bitter Tears Of The Best Fans In Baseball
In the wake of Matt Holliday's fateful decision to play James Loney's soft liner off his testicles, Cardinals Nation expressed several sentiments unbecoming the best fans in baseball but at least cleared all five stages of grief....

Some People Had A Better Night Than Others
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....