fifa Page 23 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Friday Afternoon Fun With Asian People, With Special Guest Stars Neymar And Chien-Ming Wang
Set to jolly CONMEBOL rhythms, this is a local TV spot on Brazilian team Santos' new ad hyping their Club World Cup trip to Japan. Yep, those are Santos players making the slant-eyed gesture. We'd expect this kind of thing from one half of the Treaty of Tordesillas, but not both....
FIFA Whistleblower Chuck Blazer Is Too Fat To Fit In Town Cars, Has "Trousered" Millions From International Soccer
Remember Chuck Blazer? He's the American FIFA executive who posts pictures of himself wearing boring Halloween costumes and posing with his pet parrot Max, as if cutesy snapshots might convince us that a Santa Claus imposter isn't as scummy as everyone else attached to FIFA....
FIFA Opted Out Of Denouncing Homophobia Because They Couldn't Get Beyoncé To Perform
There was an awkward double-booking in Berlin two weeks ago: the host city for the 2011 Women's World Cup had promised use of Brandenburg Gate — located in the city center — on Saturday, June 25, to both FIFA organizers and to the annual gay pride parade. If you know anything about FIFA's tolerance ...
Here's A Photo Of A Prominent Public Figure Glad-Handing A Brutal Despot
This image is cause only for despair. Can you believe Robert Mugabe would shake this man's hand? For shame. We've witnessed this kind of debasement before, when Russian crime figures, vile dictators and Michel Platini have lowered themselves to drinks and smirks with Sepp Blatter. On Monday, Blatter...
Why These Four Countries Are The Only Ones Not Trying To Qualify For The World Cup
Yesterday, the road to the 2014 World Cup kicked off with the first AFC qualifying round. (Technically, Montserrat and Belize played their first match two weeks ago, in Trinidad and Tobago because Montserrat doesn't have an acceptable stadium. The game drew 100 spectators.)...
Jack Warner Still Finds A Way To Get Paid By A Pathetic FIFA
The former FIFA VP always maintained his innocence in an election bribery scandal, swearing he was the target of an American witch hunt and "would be fully exonerated by any objective arbiter." So then why quit?...
This Is The Lone American That Stands Between Soccer And Total Corruption
A lone wolf. An avenging angel. A force for good and justice in FIFA. Chuck Blazer, American hero....
FIFA Does Not Care For You Or Your Religion
FIFA has a lot of problems right now, and given that Sepp Blatter has enlisted Placido Domingo and Henry Kissinger to solve them, they're not gonna get solved....
Sepp Blatter's "Council of Wisdom" May Include...Placido Domingo?
Previously in our Sepp Blatter is a loathsome historical figure series, we likened the Swiss dictator of FIFA to a wicked American president and a murderous Chilean general. But where does one go with the news that Blatter now wants a Spanish opera star to help him clean up corruption in FIFA? This ...
Chile To Investigate Pablo Neruda's Death; FIFA-Adviser Henry Kissinger To Investigate His Navel
A judge in Chile just ordered an investigation into the mysterious death of poet Pablo Neruda, who supposedly succumbed to prostate cancer 12 days after a Henry Kissinger-backed right wing coup installed a hideous dictator who brutalized and slaughtered his own people for years. The circumstances su...
War Criminal To Advise FIFA On Compliance
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, newly re-installed FIFA dictator Sepp Blatter has announced that that avatar of moral probity, Henry Kissinger, will advise FIFA's new corporate governance and compliance body from his seat on a "committee of wise persons."...
FIFA's Version Of Democracy Captured In A Single Photo
I'm sure all of you will be clustered around the internet wire today as the exciting results of FIFA's hotly contested presidential race trickle in. Early exit polls reveal that voters are evenly split between Sepp Blatter and Sepp Blatter, but you never know which way the suburbs of Prague will go....
Breaking: FIFA Member Not Suspected Of Corruption
Fans and executives around the world today were shocked to learn that Senes Erzik, a member of FIFA's Executive Committee , has not been mentioned in conjunction with any bribery allegations regarding the upcoming vote for FIFA President....
More Bad Madness On The Sepp Blatter Campaign Trail
A week before FIFA's presidential elections, another evil-smelling troll has escaped from the basement of Sepp Blatter's Swiss chalet. The current source of horror: Mohamed bin Hammam, Blatter's rival in the elections, was charged yesterday with offering bribes to members of the Caribbean Football U...
Cash-Filled Envelopes And Other Peculiars From Sepp Blatter's Reelection Campaign
It's hard to keep track of the political gyrations at FIFA these days, especially with president and Swiss money-eel Sepp Blatter running for reelection. Corruption charges have been flying since former FA head and England's 2018 World Cup campaign chairman Lord Triesman told the British Parliament ...
Sepp Blatter Says FIFA Will "Be Sucked Into A Black Hole" If Sepp Blatter Is Not Reelected FIFA President
Sepp Blatter, the international dictator disguised as FIFA president, wrote a letter to Italy's La Gazzetta dello Sport this week to warn the world that a failure to reelect him to a fourth term on the June 1 vote "could cause a tectonic movement with irreversible damage." Let's defer to him to set ...
Try To Look Surprised: England Says World Cup Voters Asked For Bribes
Ever since the good, godfearing Anglo nations were shut out of the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, rumors have flown that Russia and Qatar bribed their way to the top. No one would be surprised because it's FIFA, but it was also sour grapes. And maybe it still is, but this time England is naming names....
What Real Salt Lake's Draw Last Night Says About American Soccer
Real Salt Lake squeaked out a crucial draw last night on a Monterrey pitch lined with football hash marks. (Don't forget that the Borregos Salvages or "Wild Rams" play here, too.) Argentine Javier Morales evened the score at 2-2 for the American side with an 89th-minute goal, giving RSL a fair cha...
FIFA Gets It Wrong On Getting It Right
Goal-line technology could be getting its first major test in the Premier League next season, and be on its way to FIFA-wide use. It's long overdue, and yet they're even screwing this step up....
A Message From Sepp Blatter On International Women's Day
I suppose we should have expected Sepp Blatter to hoist himself onto a soapbox this morning. It is, after all, the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, which means it's also a perfect opportunity for Blatter to bleat some of the shameless agitprop for which he's beloved:...