food Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
So Your Spouse Wants To Bring Sushi Casserole To The Party
What do you do if your spouse, an amateur and not very skilled cook, makes a disgusting and possibly lethal “sushi casserole” and sets his or her heart on bringing it to and serving it at a large, fancy social event, where it almost certainly will meet with humiliating public rejection?...
Reconsider The Lobster
ROCKLAND, Maine—The New Hampshire/Maine split on I-95 in Portsmouth, N.H., is unpredictable. Sometimes you’re able to breeze through to your final destination—back to your shit hole of a dorm room in Durham, or off to the Kittery Trading Post to buy a crossbow and a bottle of deer piss—but other tim...
What Is The Best Midnight Snack?<em></em>
Technically, no one should eat midnight snacks because anything you eat right before bed will go right to your ass. But sometimes you’re drunk and there’s a pint of ice cream calling you, and nature must take its course. But what is the BEST dining option for when you are up late, and less than sobe...
Cumin Is Good
Many people are saying, “Huh. Cumin. I do not think I have any particularly strong good or bad feelings about that spice.” They can go to hell! Cumin is not a spice for mild opinions. It is a fuckin’ great spice....
You Are Cheesing Your Cheeseburgers All Wrong And I Can't Stand It Anymore
Here’s a dumb thing that grill chefs do: they flip the burgers on the grill, and then, while the burgers finish cooking, the chef lays slices of cheese on the top of the burgers, where presumably the heat of the grill will aid in the melting of the cheese....
Finish Your Food Before You Serve It
It’s the smallest thing, really. Maybe you already do it! But maybe you do not already do it, and you have wondered why the food you cook always seems underwhelming. Probably there are lots of reasons why the food you cook always seems underwhelming, not least among them your pathological inability ...
Look At This Fucked Up Strawberry I Bought
The berry is as big as my palm....
Let's Make Delicious Falafel, Or Else!
Here was a challenge: my wife had decided to host her staff of 14 in our home for some awful reason. Something to do with a training video and general good-vibe staff retreat benefits. They would need to eat food, of course, and herein lay the challenge: More than half of her staff members consider ...
Down With Chef Worship<em></em>
Last month, celebrated Danish chef René Redzepi opened up a pop-up restaurant in Tulum, Mexico. This restaurant will only be open for seven weeks. Dinner costs $600 and lasts well past midnight. You will not eat at this restaurant. You will not even come close to ever being able to eat at this resta...
Let's Fry Some Sweet Plantains, And Then Never Eat Green Bananas Ever Again
When the fabric of my family is someday finally rent, and generations of heirs and descendants wage decades of bitter war upon one another, and oaths become ancient curses until the family tree is left utterly in ruin, the issue won’t be money, or land, or politics, or even whether it is called “tun...
Watch Out For Bits Of Golf Ball In Your Hash Browns
In what would be the ideal alarmist story for a local news program to tease at the top of the show, McCain Foods announced a voluntary recall Friday for packages of frozen hash browns that “may be contaminated with extraneous golf ball materials.” A classic mixup....
Summer Is Here! Let's Grill Up A Tentacled Monster
It’s gonna be a bright 88 degrees fahrenheit in the nation’s capital next week. Whatever the hell the calendar says, summertime is upon us. There is no force in all the universe that can take it back, now that it has been freely given. No backsies on this one, nature....
Let's Make The Hottest Salsa And Send Our Pampered Asses Straight To Hell
When I was a kid, I once visited a small retail shop in South Carolina that was stocked with nothing but hot sauces. This was the most fascinating place on earth. All the labels on all the hot sauces offered various brags about their spiciness, as if what they had to sell was not the joy of eating o...
Let's Make A Whole Pile Of Warm, Buttery Apple Fritters
This is a true apple fritter story—the tale of one man’s tortured relationship with apple fritters and how they saved his life, ruined his diet, and in the end probably shortened his life. ...
Let's Fry Some Eggplant, Because It's Possible There Is Nothing Better
With all due respect to falafel, a ripe summer tomato, or one single slice of melted yellow American cheese, the very best non-animal-flesh sandwich filling in existence is fried eggplant. Don’t even think about saying otherwise down in the comments, heretofore an empty place practically crying out ...
Vital Cultural Activity Of Our Era Is Not Music But Rather Something I Still Participate In, Says Old Guy
“Food is the new music” is a good phrase to memorize for when you get too old to really go to a lot of concerts any more, because that shit happens very late at night....
Kettle Chips Flavors, Ranked
Kettle Chips are the finest chip (potato division) that one can find at almost any grocery or convenience store. What sets the mighty Kettle Chip apart from the standard potato chip is its heft and wide range of flavors on offer. Which flavors are the tastiest? Here is a semi-exhaustive guide to the...
In Defense Of Skyline Chili, The Good Kind Of Diarrhea Sludge<em></em>
“You really want the green noodles?” asked the seemingly amazed young man taking my order....
Let's Make Some Crab Dip, The Most Decadent And Delicious Way To Eat Canned Crab
Generally speaking, crab dishes get less reputable the more ingredients they include that are not crab meat. Crab imperial and deviled crab might still show up on the menu at a semi-serious seafood restaurant. Crab puffs make a fine, if indulgent, hors d’oeuvre. I have a crab cookbook in my home, fu...
One Braised Pork Belly Taco To Rule Them All
We’ve been down this road, the pork belly road, before. Actually, we’ve been down many roads. Many roads converged in these woods, is what I’m saying. Good roads. Listen. Shut up. We are going to make gooey braised pork belly tacos, and we are going to find our way there via dead reckoning. Strap in...