fr Page 353 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Marietta, Georgia Books Teen Girl Larceny Squad
CHEERLEADER! SO AND SO! WHAT'S HER FACE! THE UNDERAGE ONE! They've all been charged with stealing $149 from two little girls....
Hopefully The Wilpons Have Extra Chairs
Mets fans are sick and tired of being sick and tired. The team is playing like balls. They're gonna do something about it ... bug the executives!...
A Reminder That College Hockey Players Can Be Dumb Jocks Too
An NHL prospect and a college teammate got together for a little reunion, and did what any old friends would do: they climbed a roof, and chucked everything not nailed down in the house into the street....
From The Desk Of Gary Belsky: Altruism Edition
Gary Belsky is the EIC of ESPN The Magazine, which you probably know as the strange, unwieldy object wedged into your mailbox every other week. Sometimes, funny things happen at Gary's magazine, and employees tell us about them....
Lance Not Livestrong Enough
Lance Armstrong moved to second place in the Tour de France this weekend, but fell almost two minutes behind his teammate, Alberto Contador. Oh, the indignity of the wingman, fighting for scraps as his "partner" reaps all the glory....
Now We'll Take You Seriously, Lady Soccer
With the top 3 goalies injured or away on national team duty, WPS's Washington Freedom taps coach to play goalie. They win by shutout, of course. [WaPo]...
Le Cycling Is A Contact Sport
One woman dies when she's hit by a police motorcycle, and two riders are injured by, um, air rifle projectiles. In other news, LiveStrong tweets about the injustice of George Hincapie not winning the yellow jersey. It's a cruel world....
Mutton Wins Again
Is there a bigger mismatch out there than little children vs. surly mutton? Seriously. They're like the Washington Generals on sheepback. Look, kids. Hang it up. You just aren't going to ride that mutton....
BB Assassins Take Pot Shots At Tour de France Riders
Two riders were hit by BBs during Stage 13 of the Tour, even though lunatic cycling fans can get close enough to club their victims with baguettes. Why not give your crazy violence a more personal touch? [VeloNews]...
Jeremy Mayfield Goes To War Against NASCAR And His "Whore" Stepmom
As noted last night, NASCAR says that Jeremy Mayfield failed another drug test, but he has fired back with even more outrageous countercharges—like implying NASCAR's chairman is on drugs and flat-out accusing his stepmother of murdering his father....
Nancy Boys Play Like ... Well, Nancy Boys
Look, when you play for a soccer team from a town named Nancy, headlines like this are inevitable. (What editor could resist?) Especially when you run away from swine flu like a team of little girls. [ESPN]...
The Rich Get Richer With ESPY Swag
One of the great ironies of life is that the more money you make, the more stuff you get for free. It's the only reason rich people leave the house. So what do they get for going to the ESPYs?...
Tour de France Riders Forced To Perform Without Mechanical Supplements
The Tour de France tried an "experiment" today—banning radios that allow coaches and team leaders to communicate with their riders during the race. It's almost like they expect these athletes to use their own brains!...
Robert Lunn Leaves Austria With His Dignity (Mostly) Intact
Robert Lunn is a former defensive tackle from UConn. He graduated in 2008 and was playing professional football in Pörtschach, Austria. Sadly, he's back in the U.S. now, so this is his final column....
Nice, But He Still Gets An Asterisk For Doing It Against The Padres
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Teammate Is Totally Undermining Lance Armstrong
Alberto Contador unexpectedly moved into second, and the Tour de France suddenly went all Brandy vs. Monica. Lance: "Things didn't really go according to the plan we mapped out before. I was a little surprised, but it doesn't matter." [AFP]...
Lenny Dykstra Would Still Like You To Trust Him With Your Money
Remarkably, Lenny Kyle Dykstra won't quit just because he filed for bankruptcy. No, teammates, it's just a bump in the road. He's still got the golden touch, so jump in while the water's freezing, etc....
Playing For Pittsburgh Makes Ian Snell Depressed
Add Ian Snell to the list of baseball players struggling with mental issues this season. The good news is that he seems to found a causal link between his crippling depression and playing baseball for the Pittsburgh Pirates....
All You Can Eat, With A Side Order Of Cardiac Disease
One $34 ticket to a Twins game gets you a bleacher seat and free food — everything but beer and ice cream sundaes —so fans are loading up for their sleep-induced hibernation until Brett Favre arrives. [AP]...
The Critic-Proofing Of Lance Armstrong
The ad you see here is the new Lance Armstrong spot for Nike, which would be merely standard-issue, inspiromatic marketing schlock if it didn't come so creepily close to suggesting that to criticize Lance now is to somehow enable cancer....