fr Page 354 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Lenny Kyle Dykstra Slides Headfirst Into Rock Bottom
The legend of Financial Wizard Lenny Kyle Dykstra, last seen "flying higher", has finally shriveled up and died: The Dude officially filed for bankruptcy today. I hope you didn't hurt yourself when you fell out of your chair....
How Leagues Learned To Stop Loving And Worry About Steroids
The peril of steroids, like the Internet, wasn't apparent 40 years ago when Sports Illustrated published a prescient story about PEDs. In retrospect now, with steroids as dangerous as the Internet is real, professional sports appear more oblivious than ever....
The Laws Of Patriotism Will Require You To Root For Coach K In 2012
So, we learned yesterday, Mike Krzyzewski is expected to supplement his day job with a Team USA summer gig for the next three years. "All leads point to Coach K coming back," Jerry Colangelo said. And isn't that joyous!...
From The Desk Of Gary Belsky: Hygiene Edition
Gary Belsky is the EIC of ESPN The Magazine, which you probably know as the strange, unwieldy object wedged into your mailbox every other week. Sometimes, funny things happen at Gary's magazine, and employees tell us about them....
Lance Armstrong Can't Not Be The Top Dog
Lance Armstrong said he just wanted to get some exercise and maybe promote his wristbands, because after four years off, expecting him to win the Tour de France would just be silly. What's that? He's in first place now? Lovely....
What Is Wrong With Our Fragile Baseball Players? (MRI Edition)
As anyone who plays fantasy baseball can tell you, injuries are killing your team. Baseball players spend more time on the DL than ever before, which probably says something about the times we live in. (It means you're weak.)...
Let's Get This Over With Early: Joakim Noah Smokes Weed, Anonymous, Possibly Fake Text Messager Says
"smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands" [Texts From Last Night] (PHOTO: Not From Last Night)...
Off The Wall, Indeed: Ron Artest Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson
"Michael, Michael, Michael, you my nigga. I know a thug would cry for you, my dude. Aint no R&B singer really ever makes me cry. Makes me wanna meet you, touch your hand. Ya know?" [YouTube]...
Stephen A. Smith Seeking New Horizons For Mouthiness, Realness
Here's Stephen A. doing his best Stephen A. impersonation by violently enunciating on MSNBC this morning. Maybe next time he'll get a proper introduction. [MSNBC]...
In Other Former NFL Quarterback News...
Quincy Carter has been released by the Abilene Ruff Riders after he flaked out again.The team said he simply didn't show up and had no idea of his whereabouts. And he seemed so re-focused. [LewP]...
The Tour De France is, How You Say, "Underway"
Lance Armstrong began his quest for eight with a solid start in the first-stage time trial. And that's the only mention of France we'll have on this July 4th, I can promise you that! East Coast Bias has you covered....
Jim Leyritz Busted On Domestic Battery Charges
Leyritz, awaiting his DUI manslaughter trial, was arrested today on charges that he dragged his ex-wife out of bed and shoved her, allegedly because she wrote a check without his permission. As you might guess, this one's a little weird....
A Nutty Theory About Lance Armstrong
A couple of scientists argue that Lance Armstrong did indeed employ certain exotic performance-enhancing procedures before his run of seven consecutive Tour De France victories: namely, getting his diseased testicle lopped off....
Chicago Blackhawks To Lose The Next 12 Stanley Cup Finals
Marian Hossa (who is 30) just signed a 12-year contract with the Chicago Blackhawks, after allegedly turning down a 10-year deal from the Red Wings. This guy really knows how not to pick 'em. [NHL.com]...
Khalil Greene Not Over Anxiety Problems
Greene—0 for his last 16 AB—is back on the DL with his "social anxiety disorder." Maybe he just needs time to grow a better mullet. [MLB.com]...
Coach K Defies The Reckless Rumormongering
Despite the claims of a Racine Journal Times reporter's well-placed source, Mike Krzyzewski said he won't be Phil Jackson's "heir apparent." But if Kobe wants to come be Duke's third scholarship guard — well, that might be acceptable. [ACC Now]...
Anna Kournikova Reportedly Gets Shovey With Other Woman At Vegas Bar, Anonymous Bar Patron Says
The New York Post is reporting that former tennis person Anna Kournikova had a drink tossed on her at a Vegas nightclub which resulted in a mild lady-on-lady altercation....
Tim Lincecum's Haircut Is Now Self-Aware
Randy Johnson has had a tremendous impact on the San Francisco Giants' pitching staff, but not because of his experience and wisdom. It's because he has youngsters like Tim Lincecum believing in the power of the mullet....
Stephen Curry Had Don Nelson's Attention When These Haircuts Were En Vogue
Good news: Stephen Curry's journey from high school nobody to NBA lottery pick is no longer just a feel-good rise to superstardom. With this latest point to plot, Curry's case is now a parabola of fame and fortune!...
The Answer Is None. None More Black
Athletes want to be musicians. Maybe they're not getting enough groupies on their day job, but the urge for a player to also be a troubadour seems overwhelming. Oftentimes Every time, it's a failure (I'm looking at you, Deion)....