futility - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Atlanta Cockatoos finally look like pro franchise against tax accountant disguised as Vikings QBSome occurrences in life are so rare that we all need to take a timeout and acknowledge them, for no other reason than to just simply admire the event for happening. ...

The Orioles Probably Didn't Even Notice They Were Eliminated From Playoff ContentionThe Orioles brought the inevitable to reality on Friday, officially getting eliminated from playoff contention with a 7-1 loss to the Rays. All things considered, the news probably isn’t hitting the clubhouse too hard. For one thing, the players will get a much-needed break away from this hellish se...

Chris Davis Is Now Officially Part Of Miserable Baseball History [Update]Chris Davis has done it, it being a thing he definitely didn’t want to do. The Baltimore Orioles’ slugger—uh, hitter—uh, statue—lined out to left in the bottom of the fifth in tonight’s game against the Oakland Athletics. In doing so, he reached an 0-for-47 mark which began Sept. 14 of last season, ...

Life Is Futile

Look to the children for inspiration... or don’t, as they tried to retrieve a football stuck in a tree, got another football stuck in the tree, and continue in a futile effort to get back what has probably been lost forever....

How To Soberly Hang With The Drunk

Recently I’ve gotten some practice in the art of hanging out with very drunk people while not imbibing anything myself. In the process, I developed two general strategies to make this scenario a little livelier....

How To Pick A Gift For A Baby

There are 4.3 babies born in the world every second. Maybe there’s 1.0 new baby in your world and you need to appease it with a gift. How?...

Harry Kane's Futile Free Kick Against Iceland Gets The Roasting It Deserves 

Straight up sports and pop culture mashups are usually bad. But occasionally, they are silly enough to work, like this one, in which Harry Kane’s wayward free kick in England’s pantsing by Iceland gets the Titanic-themed dramatization it deserves....

The Yankees Are The Worst Right-Handed Hitting Team Ever

Originally published on Baseball Prospectus...