g Page 5047 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Bearkats! Regular Bears! Sam Houston State-Baylor Open Thread
Baylor has players named Tweety, Ekpe, Dragan and Givon. Clearly, they are going all the way. Dust off your David Koresh material and comment....

Angry Hue Seeks To Smother Feral Cats: North Texas-Kansas State Open Thread
Jacob Pullen tries to seriously mess up the Mean Green, who were not involved in this and who feature no players named Joe. Discussion of Frank Martin's theatrics should be as profanity-laden as possible....

One Guess As To Whom Lionel Richie's Rooting For: Murray State-Vanderbilt Open Thread (UPDATE With Video)
Vandy is on upset alert as they take on the Ohio Valley Conference champion Murray State Racers. Comments addressing the matter of which school has the superior psychology program are welcome....

Jesus, Adderall, Heavy Metal Sex, And Marshmallows
My wife went to pick up my kid from school yesterday. Beforehand, she told me they were going to stay a little extra long to hang out at the playground. I, of course, didn't hear any of that because I was too busy playing in front of 150,000 at Castle Donington in my brain. MASTER! MASTER! MASTER OF...

Wildcats Scratch At Colonials: Robert Morris-Villanova Open Thread (UPDATE With Video)
Villanova tries to return to the Final Four and you try to figure out where Robert Morris is. Comment, comment, comment....

Royalists Take On The Irish: Old Dominion-Notre Dame Open Thread
Can the Irish continue their recent strong play? Can the Monarchs kickstart a Sweet 16 run? Throw your comments down (be)low....

You Can Do It, Cougars: A Florida-BYU Open Thread
What can that shirt possibly refer to? Who do you think will advance to give K-State a scare in Round 2? Follow the action in the comments below....

Sexting Tiger Threatened To "Slap, Spank, Bite and Fuck Till Mercy"
Well these texts from Tiger Woods to porn star Joslyn James are predictably gross: "After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard" etc. See the full transcript after the jump....

Last Night's Winner: Cirrhosis Of The Liver
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like all you rummies out there who have merged St. Patrick's Day and March Madness into a sort of extended holiday—Hanukkah for drunks....

Fruitless Attempts At Ditching Final Exams To Watch The NCAA Tournament, Part I
Here's poor James, a University Of Washington Law student, who attempted to move his Taxation LL.M. final to March 22 so he could watch the tournament. He did not succeed....

"Here Are 10 Things To Expect After You Turn 30"
This Black Table article was published, shit, six years ago and I'm encouraged by the fact that it is still as painful now as it was on March 18, 2004. Getting older is not fun. Make it stop....

Tiger's Porn Star Lady To Reveal Filthy Text Messages Today
We apologize again for giving this awful woman a platform. Joslyn James AKA Veronica Siwik-Daniels will begin her own March Madness and unleash sextingjoslynjames.com at 11 a.m. to prove to the world that Tiger used to bone her. [NYPOST]...

Bills Entice Potential Ticket Buyers With "Punt From Own End Zone" Shining Moment
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Terps As Controversial In Congress As Health Care
The House debates, for far too long, a resolution congratulating Maryland "on an outstanding season." The vote was just as contentious, but at least spared us a Dick Vitale filibuster. [WaPo]...

Seton Hall Fires Bobby Gonzalez, Leader Of Cock-Punchers And Alleged Burglars
Bobby Gonzalez was doomed the moment reporters got his former secretary to bag on him, but if there's a proper day to get canned, it's probably the day after your erstwhile charges engage in some nutpunching and (alleged) burgling....

Mike Bibby Doesn't Appreciate Your Gentle Hands, Josh Smith
Mike Bibby and Josh Smith got into ... something during a recent timeout. Listen to science, Bibby! Your season may depend on it! [Ball Don't Lie, soundtrack provided by the Misfits]...

Ron Washington Tested Positive For Cocaine Last Year, Which, Let's Be Honest, Is Pretty Awesome
SI.com narc Jon Heyman reports that Ron Washington, the Rangers' 57-year-old manager and all-around swell guy, indulged in a popular but illicit recreational drug last year. "I did make a mistake," he tells SI.com, speaking very, very quickly. [SI.com]...

Searching For...The Random Asian Kid Of KU
We haven't had to call upon the Deadspin I-team for personal search and rescue missions in a while, but today's entry seems as worthy as any deadbeat Dominican baseball player or ample-bosomed fan. We'll let Pete Gaines have the floor:...

Crips And Bloods Shooting Baskets, Not Each Other (Temporarily) (UPDATE)
Kilpatrick, a juvenile detention center in Malibu, is making a run at a sectional hoops title, thanks to a theatrically plucky coach and an uneasy Bloods-Crips alliance. Where have I heard that one before?...

Crotch Punch Fulfills Every Crotch Punch's Destiny, Gets Immortalized On Videotape, Part II
And now here's the video of Jackson State's Phillip Williams nutpunching Mississippi State's Dee Bost. By the time the NIT's over, we'll have a whole new section of sopranos for the pope's choir. ...