g Page 5243 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Hallelujah! Barkley's Jail Time Reduced
Charles Barkley will only have to serve three days in Scottsdale's Tent City Jail, not the five days he was originally sentenced to. It's like going camping, really! Except for the pink jumpsuit. [TMZ]...

Montana Does Not Appreciate Your Dunking Shenanigans
A warmup dunk that shattered the backboard — such a recurring problem with me when I played high school basketball — may have cost a Montana team a shot at the state championship....

Good Things About Houston: Geoff Geary (And His Fiancée) Probably Won't Get Assaulted
Geoff Geary was (briefly) a serviceable bullpen arm for the Phillies, but the poor guy's confidence just went to shit. Luckily, The Fightins traded him for Brad Lidge and the rest is World Fucking History....

You Win, Terrorists: Wisconsin Cracks Down On Unsportsmanlike Cheering
So at Ashland High basketball games this season, you can't even use the old "Fundamentals!" cheer when that opposing player gets called for traveling. Because that would be unsportsmanlike and wrong....

Even Alaska Wants Nothing To Do With T.O.
Terrell Owens' options grow more limited by the hour, as more teams go on record saying they don't want the controversial wide receiver. His agent, however, says all is good....

Well To Be Fair, It Was A Bad Call
Parent sets some kind of record after being ejected for swearing at the refs after only 30 seconds ... from a fifth grade girls basketball game. [Des Moines Register]...

Scott Olsen: The Nationals' Front-Line Smoker
Interesting story from Wednesday's Washington Post about hot-headed pitcher Scott Olsen, who the Nats acquired from the Marlins over the winter. It turns out Olsen's a pretty committed smoker. 12 cigarettes a day, actually....

When Lebron Throws A Party, Ladies Expose Their Upper Thighs
• "The Reject Bench": That's where these poor ladies were sitting during "A Night With Lebron James," according to one partygoer. [Black Sports Online]...

The New York Rangers Welcome Back Sean Avery After Lobotomy
"It felt good to be playing for this team again and getting the win. That's what I came here to do." [AP]...

No Rest For The Cysted
Poor A-Rod. He's just looking for some quiet time in Vail while getting his hip drained, or labrum re-attached, or toenail scraped, or whatever ailment he has, and then a nosy local snapped this photo....

The House That Pai Gow Poker Built?
How do you finance a new football stadium in these times of economic uncertainty? Casinos, of course. Minnesotans may not be able to pay their mortgages, but they've got gambling money!...

Dust Off Your Old Varsity Jacket And Put On Your Listening Helmets
Yes, it's the monthly Varsity Letters reading series again. This month's theme: Plato's Ethics and Epistemology.Nooooo. It's actually a fun line up of readers with college hoops cred. Go watch. [Gelf Magazine]...

Glen Davis Is Soaking In It
• Green polish matches his eyes: Big Baby likes to keep his nails soft and silky. Hey, it's either that or he scratches the eyes out of every center in the league. [MassHysteria]...

Nobody Knows Anything About A-Rod's Surgery
Here's a tip for everyone out there—when you need advice or information on any topic, don't listen to anyone related Alex Rodriguez....

What Wedding Is Complete Without Soccer Players And Owls?
So what's with the rash of Harry Potter-themed weddings among European soccer players? And where's my invitation, you stupid owl? [Deuce of Davenport]...

Do Sports Keep High Schools From Actually Being Schools?
A lawmaker in North Carolina wants a bill that would force public schools to shut down their athletic programs if the rest of the school is filled with clumsy idiots....

Young Steve Downie's Crazy Head
So here's a story that will interest only a handful of hockey geeks out there, but I'm going to talk about it anyway. It's about consummate shit-stirrer Steve Downie....

Pretty Young Actress Spends Free Time Stopping Pucks With Her Face
Hockey parents and stage parents probably have a lot in common, what with the driving their kids all over the country in pursuit of the fleeting hope of money and stardom....

Shopping Reminder: Get Your Chicago Pants Party Tickets Today!
If you're planning on joining AJ Daulerio, live blogger extraordinaire Matt Sussman, myself, and a cast of dozens at the May 23 Deadspin Pants Party in Chicago, you really should get your tickets soon. [Details/Payment]...

Goalie Uses Newfangled Gadget To Outfox Penalty Kickers
Manchester United won the Carling Cup last weekend in a dramatic(?) penalty shootout, but it turns out that goalie Ben Foster may have had some technological assistance....