g Page 5424 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Media Approval Ratings: Michael Wilbon
Watching the NBA Playoffs the last week or so, it's clear Michael Wilbon has appropriately recovered from his mild heart attack last January. And did you know that his wife gave birth just two months later? Nice work, Wilbon!...
Reviewing The NFL Draft, As If Anybody Knows Anything
Some "experts" — you know, the people who decide who did a great job in a draft mere hours after it was completed and before, uh, anyone so much as puts on more than a hat — were up on the New England Patriots' selections at the NFL Draft this weekend. We couldn't tell you, but we did love any and a...
Roger Clemens, 15-Year-Old Country Singers, OxyContin, Stolen Trucks And You
You might have thought Roger Clemens would have done just about everything he could possibly do to destroy his reputation over the last few months. Showing up in the Mitchell Reporter, crashing and burning in his last start as a Yankee, looking like a fool in front of Congress. What could be worse t...
About Last Night
What you missed while ordering Chinese food and being put on hold ... • NHL: Apparently there's diving in hockey. Who knew? Penguins 2, Rangers 0. • NBA: Mavericks about to make first-round playoff exit for the second straight year. It's sad, really. • MLB: Hey, who woke up Carlos Delgado? Mets 6, B...
Momma Werth Just Don't Know
The Slanch Report caught Orestes Destrade getting a little distracted during the replay of the Phillies-Brewers contest on Thursday's Baseball Tonight. The objet du distraction: Jayson Werth's mother,....
"Big Dick Bandit" Now A Raven
In case you thought the departure of Brian Billick would bring a new age of sterling character to the Baltimore Ravens, you are most definitely wrong. Among the more interesting second day picks came with two of the Baltimore Ravens' three 3rd round picks. With the 7th pick of the third round, they ...
Roger Federer Will Silence Your Family
During the semi-final match of the Monte Carlo Masters yesterday between Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic, Djokovic's family disputed a call, whereupon the top ranked player in the world told them to shut their fucking yaps, except he was a little more polite about it. Djokovic later pulled out of t...
A Kiper-McShay Draft Day Hair Trade
The shocking Mel Kiper-Todd McShay follicle swap [The Sports Hernia]...
Bron-Shawn Basketball Beef Gets Hip-Hop Glaze
With Game 4 of the Wizards-Cavs series about to tip off in the Verizon Center comes the news via The Washington Post's (Boooooooo!) Wizards Insider blog that the overcooked rivalry between LeBron James and DeShawn Stevenson has extended into the hip-hop arena. It all started with Queen James waving ...
The Chiefs Drafted...Well?
We've been cautioned and chastened by many a pundit over the years that it takes years to properly assess the success of any given draft. That may be true, but with the Chiefs unloading Jared Allen to the Vikings for picks, it was important for them to make a splash. Everything seemed to go their wa...
About Last Night...
What you missed while buying Pierre the penguin a new sports car......
Message To This Kid's Future Defense Attorney: Blame Name or Haircut
This unfortunate youngster, other than being forced by parental duress to sport the bowl cut, was born unto a couple of deranged Spurs fans. How unhinged, exactly? Instead of buying a team photo or something to encapsulate their love for the team, they decided to put the whole roster into their kid'...
1st Round, Eighteenth Overall: Ravens Select Joe Flacco
Joe Flacco came from a bad neighborhood. Audubon, New Jersey, is rougher than the Little Rock with East St. Louis piled on top of it. Flacco graduated from Audubon High School, which is so rough that there are medal detectors in the faculty lounge, where even the math teachers are pumped up muscle m...
K-Mart Pokes The Mamba
With the not-at-all close Lakers-Nuggets series coming to Denver for Game 3 this afternoon, Kenyon Martin has seen fit to provoke Kobe, who dropped 49 and 10 on the Nuggets in Game 2. Martin says it's "better to be pissed off than pissed on." That's the voice of experience talking....
1st Round, Sixteenth Overall: Buzzsaw Selects Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie
You better adjust the tracking on your VCR if you want to watch game tape of Rodgers-Cromartie. Tennessee State games are taped using the surveillance cameras at the Stop & Rob across the street. "The tape is not real clear. You have to find him. This reminds me of an older time in scouting," accor...
1st Round, Fifteenth Overall: Chiefs Select Branden Albert
Oh God. The Lions made a trade. Carl Peterson dangled a shiny object in front of Matt Millen, and now we all have to adjust. This Brandon Albert blog entry will be written in four styles: dense football scouting jargon, lyrically idiotic Jamie Dukes banter, Thomas the Tank Engine narration, and fin...
1st Round, Fourteenth Overall: Bears Select Chris Williams
There are worse things to watch than the Bears offense. For example, there's: 1) Put up Your Dukes 2) Your maiden aunt shaving her legs, etc. 3) Fake-reality YouTube videos of a teenage emo-girl whispering her breathy secrets ("my parents hate me") into a webcam 2.3 millimeters away from her chin....
1st Round, Tenth Overall: Patriots Select Jerod Mayo
The Patriots finally picked up a linebacker under 35! And of course, they caught a few people off guard (guilty) by grabbing a guy who was low on many draft boards. Mayo started his Tennessee career at outside linebacker, but moved to the middle in 2007, and while he made a lot of plays (140 tackle...
1st Round, Ninth Overall: Bengals Select Keith Rivers
Keep standing pat, ye mighty Bengals! The Jags and Pats leapt over you to take defenders you so badly needed, guys you targeted so heavily that you sent your line coach to molest them at their pro days. Your star wide receiver plans to toilet paper team headquarters. Your other receiver, whose name...
1st Round, Eighth Overall: Ravens Jaguars Select Derrick Harvey
We used to call guys like Harvey "tweeners." Now they're called "hybrids." Scouting gibberish has gone green...