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Excerpt From <em>The Ask</em>: "... And I Pictured Titboning Vargina In A Rare Books Room"
Below is the first chapter of The Ask, by Sam Lipsyte, our funniest and foremost chronicler of fuck-up Americana. Read it and come back at 3 p.m. for a live chat with the author in a followup post....

Implosion Destructo-Porn: Texas Stadium Edition
Preceded by fireworks (and onlookers paying an admission fee), the 39-year-old Texas Stadium was reduced to rubble this morning. Jerry Jones is a secular Shiva: destroying, in order to re-create....

USA Swimming's Monstrous Coaches And The "Culture of Sexual Misconduct"
An investigative report on last night's 20/20 presented startling stories of young swimmers sexually abused, secretly videotaped, and even impregnated by monstrous coaches. Has USA Swimming created a unique "culture of sexual misconduct," as ABC News would have you believe?...

Did Tiki Barber Sleep In His Girlfriend's Dorm Room? (And Other Important Questions)
The New York Post did some more homework on Tiki Barber and his 23-year-old lady friend by interviewing everyone who has ever known, lived with or served the duo pasta. The question now is who you choose to believe?...

The Deadspin Field Guide To Tiki's And Tiger's Barely Legal Liaisons
Two superstars, both caught with (much) younger women. This looks bad, but it's possible for Tiki Barber and Tiger Woods to minimize the damage. We offer some helpful dos and don'ts for everyone on how to conduct their Nabokovian affairs....

Nike Unveils Weird New Tiger Ad, Starring Zombie Earl Woods
Nothing moves athletic apparel like bringing a dead man back to life to talk solemnly about his son's wandering schlong. [YouTube]...

Tiger's New Lady, Raychel Coudriet, In Photos. Maybe.
According to this website, these may be photos of Tiger's latest young lassie to come forward. Also, The Post has fun texts from Tiger to her: "Are you touching yourself? I want to fuck you."...

Tiki Barber Pulls A Tom Brady On His Pregnant Wife
Famous people don't just get divorced. They have scandals. Like Tiki Barber who is leaving his wife—who is eight months pregnant (with twins)—for a blonde intern half her age. Now that's a breakup....

The Steve Phillips Redemption Timeline
AOL Fanhouse hired Steve Philips as their new baseball analyst, just 161 days after the world learned he had an affair with an ESPN underling. Is that some kind of record for morphing from sexual disgrace to professional respectability?...

"Paris Hilton Was Taking It From Behind From Some Rock Star..."
Here are some fun recollections from one former MTV producer who worked on several of the network's debauchery-filled Spring Break broadcasts in the early 2000's. He wishes to remain anonymous....

Down And Out In Daytona, Part 3: A False-Titted Spring
This is the final installment of Pat Jordan's Spring Break adventure, in which our correspondent attends a wet t-shirt contest and finds America in a state of permanent adolescence and mild arousal. Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here....

Down And Out In Daytona, Part 2: Among The Fornicators
This is the second installment of Pat Jordan's dispatch from Spring Break. Jordan, the author of A False Spring, took his gun and his cigars to Daytona Beach and filed this report over the mojo wire. Part 1 is here....

Down And Out In Daytona, Part 1: A Postcard From Spring Break, Circa 1983
Earlier this month, we sent Pat Jordan, author of A False Spring and a lot of fine sports journalism, down to Daytona Beach for Spring Break. He took a pistol and a van and sent back this report, via fax....

Tiger Woods's First Porn Mistress, Joslyn James, Publishes Something New: Wingman's Email
Joslyn James, Tiger's tawdry porn star hump-buddy best known for publishing those awful text messages, has returned with a new batch of quasi-incriminating evidence: Uchitelian emails from Tiger wingman Bryon Bell. See below....

Soak Yourself In Deadspin's Spring Break Week (NSFW)
All week long Deadspin will be celebrating the phenomenon of American Spring Break. There's much to come, but for now, please watch this educational video put together by hairypalmed intern David Matthews, documenting the effects of water on cotton apparel....

Sexting Tiger Threatened To "Slap, Spank, Bite and Fuck Till Mercy"
Well these texts from Tiger Woods to porn star Joslyn James are predictably gross: "After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard" etc. See the full transcript after the jump....

Do You Dream of Wearing a Fedora while Rocking a Pro Basketball Jersey?
Then you're a closeted hoopster. Won't you please head over to the Dream Visualizer to see your dream turned into a personalized animation that you can then share with all of your Facebook friends?...

Big Ben Photographer Speaks; GCSU Says No Comment
On Thursday, Justin, a senior at GCSU, snapped a photo of Ben Roethlisberger with a young woman. As with a lot of things that night, that photo's now the subject of innuendo and insinuation, some of it, Justin says, misguided....

Big Ben's Night Out In "Millyvegas": What The Bartenders Saw
Questions swirl around the night that led to sexual assault charges against Ben Roethlisberger. Fellow bargoers and bartenders offer accounts of binge drinking in a sexually charged atmosphere, and their takes on what really went down....

My Roger Ebert Story
The first time I was ever published in a book was 1997. It was because I'd found Roger Ebert's email and asked him a question....