gi Page 507 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Terrible Defensive Shortstop Miguel Tejada Is Angry At San Francisco Media For Writing About His Terrible Defense
So the Giants acquired Proven October Shortstop™ Orlando Cabrera from Cleveland yesterday, because their GM, Brian Sabean, is a veteran-loving fool who doesn't have eyes, apparently....

Plaxico Burress Will Resume His Career In The City That Incarcerated Him
Former Steelers and Giants WR Plaxico Burress has signed a one-year deal with the Jets. Burress did 21 months in prison after he shot himself in the leg at a club, but he wasn't wearing sweatpants. ...

Chris Kluwe Conditionally Surrenders No. 5 To New Vikings QB Donovan McNabb
Your morning roundup for July 30, the day we're provided with living proof that 32-year-old women are, in fact, into 83-year-old men. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

All Too Good, And Not Good Enough: What Carlos Beltran Meant To The Mets
Carlos Beltran was not a New York Met. I don't mean this literally — Beltran's Mets career spanned six and a half seasons, from 2005 until yesterday. He was with the Mets almost exactly as long as Keith Hernandez was, and longer than Reggie Jackson was with the Yankees....

In The War Between An Angry Ginger And Aspiring Ultimate Fighter, The Ginger Won With A Kill-Shot
The St. Petersburg Times's "Man accused of beating to death aspiring 'ultimate fighter' at Zephyrhills party" headline comes nowhere near telling the whole story of Samuel Smith's death (allegedly) at the ruddy hands of Richard Starks Jr....

Gilbert Arenas Has A Special BlackBerry Messenger Category For "Best At Fellatio"
"My new avi is how my bbm is set up so to all my ladies. Figure out where u are!! haha" He's changed his avatar since, but we really, sincerely hope that the one person listed under "Girls I respect" is his mother. [via TBJ, @agentzeroshow]...

The First Rounder Who'd Rather Play For The Long Island Ducks Than Sign With The Astros
The Astros are high on UConn outfielder George Springer, who they took last month with the 11th overall pick. How high? He's got some wondering if Hunter Pence isn't now expendable. But the deadline to agree to terms is August 15th, and Springer spent his weekend on Long Island, meeting with the GM ...

Nixon's Nightmare Was Brought To Life At The White House Today
The world champion San Francisco Giants, accompanied by Willie Mays, visited the White House today, in all their scraggly, bearded glory. President Obama made jokes about Brian Wilson's beard ("I do fear it"), his attire ("Now underneath Brian's beard, and the spandex tuxedo, and the sea captain cos...

MMA Sexpot Gina Carano Is Starring In A Soderbergh Movie With A Bunch Of Real Actors
A lot of female MMA fighters don't like Gina Carano because they don't look like Gina Carano. Well, shoot. The world ain't fair. Carano hasn't fought in over two years, when she got the bejeezus beat out of her by Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos. Yet Carano has leveraged her pretty face into a pretty sw...

UFC Ring Girl Arianny Celeste Spotted Making Out With A Giant Banana Penis
These UFC ring girls have tough lives, let me tell you. They prance about in bikinis, get schtupped by fighters and create art that would make Michelangelo weep. None of them appears to have more than a lone synapse firing upstairs. This one is Arianny Celeste. She's the queen of the ring girls. Acc...

Here's A Picture Of A Baseball Commentator Sweating Profusely While Flanked By Ladies In Eighties Gear
Last night was Retro Night at the Phillies/Padres game. This is the type of thing a team does to keep a sell-out streak alive when a) the Padres are in town, b) on a Friday night in summer, c) when the temperature at first pitch is 98 °F....

Kim Kardashian Files $20M Lawsuit Over Ad Featuring Ex-Boyfriend Reggie Bush's Kardashian-Lookalike Current Girlfriend
Yesterday, a woman who built a "reality star" career from a sex tape that turned her ass into a household name filed suit against a clothing store for featuring a woman who built an "Old Navy commercial star" career from looking like the woman with the sex-tape ass. Fun fact: reality star is New O...

If You're Going To Break Your Nose, You Might As Well Break It Like This
This is Ryan McGillivray, a mixed martial artist who was on the last season of The Ultimate Fighter. To be more precise, this is Ryan McGillivray after taking a knee to his face in training. His new nose looks to be an inch off-kilter. The picture has been making the rounds on MMA blogs after McGill...

K-Rod Is Here To Salute You
Your morning roundup for July 21, the day a shark jumped right into our boat. H/Ts to Jon and Eric. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Mike Quade Supports A Heliocentric Universe
The moon orbits the earth. The earth orbits the sun. As for what the sun orbits....nobody knows. But on this sunny afternoon at Wrigley Field, a place they tend to play a lot of day baseball, the sun got in Starlin Castro's eyes....

Hey, Kids: If You Sulk On TV, The Giants PR Team Will Reward You
In San Francisco, they make sure the kids develop a sense of entitlement at an early age....

Lute Olson, Billy Gillispie (And Other College Coaches You Probably Hate) Appear To Have Lost Lots In Ponzi Scheme
College coaches are probably paid too much, especially when you consider how much—nothing—players make. John Calipari just got a deal for $36.5 million. Jim Calhoun resents being asked about why he's the highest-paid state employee of Connecticut....

The Say Hey Id: Willie Mays Was A Reluctant Letter-Writer, But He Longed For Love
Here's one of Willie Mays's charming love letters to his then-girlfriend, former beauty queen Gladys Cofield. This would've been in the first half of the 1950s, though the exact date isn't clear. At the time, Mays was smitten with the former Jet covergirl and fawned over the pretty photographs she s...

Zubazpalooza > MC Hammer Bobblehead Night
The long-awaited MC Hammer bobblehead night finally arrived in Oakland yesterday, and it was rather exciting for everyone involved....

Dwight Howard Tweeted About His Dump To Some Young Lady
I assume this is the kind of true romance—for which NBA players, Dwight especially—are known, the Harlequin stuff that necessitated Basketball Wives. Having never watched the program, I assume it's all about the refined courtship techniques of professional basketball players. Such as this....