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Las Vegas Police Union Releases Insane, Flag-Humping Statement About Michael Bennett
This is exactly what Roger Goodell created for his NFL: the belief that NFL investigations can solve everything. That’s why today the Las Vegas police union sent him the whiniest letter asking the commissioner to investigate Seahawks player Michael Bennett, who said he was profiled, wrongly handcuff...

Roger Goodell When Asked About Colin Kaepernick: "I'm Not A Football Expert"
Roger Goodell, commissioner of the National Football League for 11 years as of this week, was asked on FS1's First Things First if he believes Colin Kaepernick should have a place on an NFL roster. ...

What's Going On With The Ezekiel Elliott Case, And What Happens Next?
If you’ve been following the Ezekiel Elliott saga—strap in, as this case has by now crossed the “saga” threshold—you might be a bit confused as to what the flying fuck is going on....

Look At These Goddamn Blighted Dogs
The Chicago White Sox are the worst team in the American League, and so the best part of September is going to be Dog Day. At the GarField tonight, fans got to see a bunch of good boys who unfortunately support a very bad team....

Ian Happ's Bat Rebels And Humiliates Him
Sick of being swung through the air at high speeds and getting smashed against rushing white orbs, Ian Happ’s bat finally got a bit of revenge tonight, tripping up its owner as he tried to run out a grounder....

The NFL Is Eating Itself
Here’s a good joke that’s becoming more accurate every day:...

Costa Rica And Mexico Draw After Gorgeous Marco Ureña Golazo
Costa Rica got their only goal of the night in tonight’s World Cup qualifying match against Mexico from Marco Ureña, who tied things up with this laser into the corner of the net:...

Padres Pitcher Travis Wood Crushes Second-Deck Home Run
Travis Wood’s night, for the most part, was bad. He was pulled after pitching to four batters but recording zero outs in the third inning, ultimately tagged with six earned runs off seven hits. Bad night for him! Just not an unusual one, at least not this season, as his 5.47 ERA and career-worst str...

Uruguay Probably Through To The World Cup On Two Goofy Goals
Fede Valverde, the 19-year-old Real Madrid prospect who is not racist, just made an enormous impact with what Ray Hudson dubbed a “wicked deflection” in his debut match for Uruguay. The young midfielder got lucky in the 76th minute, scoring a long-range goal that bounced through the defense and beca...
![Willson Contreras Slides Into Mia Khalifa's DMs, Refuses To Leave [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/meqm87ivmrokbc8p4yq9.jpg)
Willson Contreras Slides Into Mia Khalifa's DMs, Refuses To Leave [Update]
Cubs catcher Willson Contreras has been on the disabled list with a strained hamstring since August 9. He has apparently spent some of that time in the DMs of former porn star Mia Khalifa, seemingly undeterred by the lack of encouraging response. But if the 25-year-old had still been unclear on whet...

Willian's Volleyed Banger Puts Brazil Up On Colombia
Brazil and Colombia are playing right now in what will hopefully be tonight’s only competitive World Cup qualifying match, and Willian—owner of the sporting world’s best afro since Randy Moss’s—thumped the snot out of the ball en route to scoring this beauty:...

The NFL Is Investigating Michael Irvin's Sexual Assault Case
As the football world awaits a decision from arbitrator Harold Henderson on Ezekiel Elliott’s appeal of his suspension, Deadspin has learned the league is also investigating Hall of Famer Michael Irvin under its personal conduct policy in the wake of an alleged sexual assault allegation that resulte...

Outfielder Leonys Martin Makes Cubs Debut As Pitcher
When Joe Maddon looked at his bullpen depth chart in the eighth inning of yesterday’s blowout against the Pirates, he somehow settled on recently acquired center fielder Leonys Martin....

UFC Vet Diego Brandão Flips Out, Incites Garbage Storm, Leaps Out Of Cage
Brazilian mixed martial artist Diego Brandão has been fighting with Russian MMA promotion Fight Nights Global this year, since the UFC released him from his contract after he allegedly pistol-whipped someone outside of an Albuquerque strip club in April 2016. He once headlined a UFC event against Co...

Alex Gordon Turns Mikie Mahtook's Redemption Dinger Into A Spectacular Out
Poor Mikie Mahtook. Yesterday he swatted a loose ball over the outfield wall, creating one of the oddest, most hilarious dingers you will ever see. Today his own dinger, inches away from glory, was ripped back into the field of play by Royals outfielder Alex Gordon:...

Sergio Garcia Smashed His Putter In Anger, Then Sank A Birdie Putt Using A 3-Wood
Yesterday, during the third round at TPC Boston, Sergio Garcia lined up an eagle putt on the par-four fourth hole, and just blew it. His putt wound up a good 13 feet from the hole, far enough away that Garcia was really, really pissed. So pissed, in fact, that he smashed the absolute bejeezus out of...

The World Needs Lil B To Curse Lonzo Ball And The Lakers
The Ball family, of Big Baller Brand shoes and the Lakers’ point-guard-of-the-future role, have a new Facebook reality show called Ball in the Family. I had no idea the Ball family ever did not have a Facebook reality show, but here we are....

Go And Find Peace, Roberto Aguayo
Roberto Aguayo’s harrowing, steep spiral out of the NFL continued today, as the living embodiment of an imposter syndrome nightmare was released for the second time this offseason, this time by the Chicago Bears. ...

Roger Goodell Was Told Lead Investigator Didn't Think Evidence Was Sufficient To Suspend Ezekiel Elliott
A transcript of Ezekiel Elliott’s appeal hearing with the NFL has been made public in court filings of the players’ association’s lawsuit against the league, and it contains testimony from Lisa Friel, the NFL’s senior vice president for investigations, in which she admits that the lead investigator ...

Here's The NFL's Investigative Report On Ezekiel Elliott
The full NFL investigative report on star Dallas Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott has been released. It was included as an exhibit to a lawsuit, filed in federal court by the NFL Players’ Association, demanding that Elliott’s league-issued suspension be vacated. In its lawsuit, the NFLPA calls w...