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USMNT Win 2-0 Despite El Salvador's Biting And Nipple-Tweaking
The USMNT cruised to a 2-0 victory in tonight’s CONCACAF Gold Cup quarterfinal despite the fact that El Salvador repeatedly treated players like you might have treated your little brother....

USMNT Takes Healthy Halftime Lead Thanks To Two Unlikely Heroes<em></em>
The USMNT leapt out to a 2-0 first-half lead over El Salvador thanks to goals from two unlikely players. Despite Jozy Altidore and Clint Dempsey lining up together as a striking partnership, the scoring came from defenders Omar Gonzalez and Eric Lichaj....

Costa Rica Grateful For Panama's Huge Boner
The opening game of tonight’s Gold Cup action between Costa Rica and Panama seemed to be on a slow ride toward extra time*, but a Costa Rica free kick into the box led to a 77th minute own goal when the ball glanced of the top of Anibal Godoy’s head....

Very Good Bat Dog Has Identity Crisis, Chases After Ball
Adorable bat dog Rookie had been logging time with the Double-A Trenton Thunder until yesterday, when he got the call—he’d be moving on up to the Triple-A Scranton-Wilkes Barre RailRiders. Wow! A chance to prove his mettle and talent and cuteness at the next level! (His father and fellow bat dog, De...

White Sox Call Up Top Prospect (And Twinkie Lover) Yoan Moncada<em></em><em></em>
Yoan Moncada, the 22-year-old Cuban second baseman, will make his first major-league appearance for the White Sox tonight, acting in essence as the first ambassador for the Sox’s now extremely stacked farm system and offering Sox fans their first glimpse of a future the team has promised will have b...
![Kris Bryant Leaves Game After Hurting His Hand On A Slide [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/mwhbb82u41cawlocmniw.jpg)
Kris Bryant Leaves Game After Hurting His Hand On A Slide [Update]
Cubs third baseman Kris Bryant left today’s game against the Braves almost as soon as it started. Bryant slapped a first-inning double off R.A. Dickey, then tried to take third on a passed ball, although he was picked off by Tyler Flowers to end the inning. While sliding into third, his left hand go...

Small Tot Really Likes Charlie Blackmon
Charlie Blackmon is one of the best center fielders in baseball and has an extremely large beard. Both of these things have put him in good position to be a favorite among Rockies fans, and it looks like the formula is working for him:...

White Sox Add To Prospect Stash While <em></em>Sending Todd Frazier, David Robertson And Tommy Kahnle To Yankees
The White Sox are sending all three of their most heavily rumored trade chips—third baseman Todd Frazier and relievers David Robertson and Tommy Kahnle—to the Yankees in exchange for prospects Blake Rutherford, Ian Clarkin and Tito Polo plus, uh, Tyler Clippard. ...

White Sox Announcer Who Rejected Fried Pickle Also Rejects Frozen Turkey
The Chicago White Sox are playing the Los Angeles Dodgers, who are pitching Clayton Kershaw, tonight. Let’s talk about what happened Friday night, when Sox play-by-play man Jason Benetti presented color man Steve Stone, who previously rejected a fried pickle, with a frozen turkey on his 70th birthda...

<i>Game Of Thrones</i> Works Best When It Stays Small<em></em>
To be honest, 60 minutes spent zooming through the army of the dead would’ve been enough for me....

A Field Guide To Boston Sports Radio Chowderheads
Every day, it seems, a different Boston sports radio dipshit is delivering a take from a time when segregation was acceptable, getting attention for being five seconds away from challenging a listener to a parking lot fight for Tom Brady’s honor. Although you may not pay attention to these awful stu...

Titleist Sues Seller Of Parody “Titties” Merchandise
I Made Bogey is an online golf apparel company that sells products with slogans you’d expect to see on the Wildwood boardwalk. There are a series of t-shirts inspired by Happy Gilmore. There are red “MAKE GOLF GREAT AGAIN” hats. But the bulk of the products on the site are parodies of golf brand Tit...

Cowboys Receiver's Missing Dog Returned By Rapper Boogotti Kasino
Yesterday, Cowboys wide receiver Lucky Whitehead alerted the world to the fact that his adorable dog, Blitz, had been stolen from his home and was being held for ransom. Blitz was safely returned last night, but not before falling into the hands of a local rapper named Boogotti Kasino, who vehementl...

Report: MLB Considers Trademark Dispute With <i>Overwatch</i> League Over Logo Similarities
The new Overwatch League went with a pretty tried-and-true blueprint for its logo design: the white outline of a player against a colorful, two-tone background. Just like the NBA or MLB, pretty much, except with orange and black instead of red and blue. (Trailblazers!) But the fledgling league could...

Showtime™ Presents: Misogyny, Racism, And Homophobia<em></em>
You don’t have to pick a side between Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Conor McGregor. Floyd’s an unapologetic abuser of women and the Internal Revenue Service, while Conor is a racist dipshit. Last week’s circus of publicity stunts rightfully damaged both parties’ reputations, but another one, curiously, h...

Mike Finds New Mike Named Trey
The Mikes of ESPN’s Mike & Mike will soon split apart and become simply Mike and Mike, and reports out of Mikeville have indicated that the Mikes don’t really like each other. Both Mikes insisted that they were cool despite the rumblings and the imminent end of Mike & Mike, and now ESPN has finally ...

Fenway Gives And Fenway Takes
The Yankees and Red Sox split a day-night doubleheader on Sunday, trading shutouts for just the third time in the history of the clubs. They also taught us a valuable lesson about home runs: Sometimes it’s not how hard you hit them, but where. Especially in a weirdo ballpark like Fenway....

Get A Load Of The Insane Second Shot Of This Miraculous Par Save
You’re gonna have to trust me on the sequence here, because I can’t find video of the before or after: On the 531-yard par-5 17th hole today at the John Deere Classic, Kelly Kraft badly shanked his drive off the tee. Like, incredibly badly. Here he is lining up his second shot:...

Come Look At All These Good Oakland Sports Dogs
The Oakland Athletics had a Bark at the Park event Friday afternoon. Here come the doggos! ...

Pirates Fan Tosses Cardinals Home Run Ball Into The Goddamn River Where It Belongs
You know where a Jedd Gyorko home run ball belongs?...