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A Truly Devastating Juke
The Chargers, who suck, are staring down a whole host of problems this season. Joey Bosa is only nominally a Charger, their offensive line is injury-prone and bad, and they are still owned by Dean Spanos, who manages to be both cruel and incompetent. Thankfully, Keenan Allen is young and strong, and...

Roger Goodell Should Interview James Harrison In Public
More than anything, Roger Goodell fancies himself a disciplinarian. He’s personally taken the lead in prosecuting Ballghazi, gone out of his way to make an example of marijuana users, and gone all-out at Marshawn Lynch for the crime of having fun. Of course, Goodell also helped the Patriots cover up...

The Secret To Convincing Your Significant Other To Let You Play Video Games Whenever You Want
So you’ve found the love of your life. The two of you somehow tolerate one another enough that you’ve decided to share a home. Now you’ve got a problem: How do you convince them to let you get away with all those eight-hour binges on The Witcher 3?...

Very Good Jamaica Fan Cheers In Usain Bolt
Usain Bolt went and won his third consecutive gold medal in the 200m this evening, a few days after he won his third straight gold medal in the 100m. Bolt is an all-timer, and the only sprinter ever to defend both sprint golds twice. He’s also the most famous living Jamaican, with a massive, enthusi...

Cubs Fans Enjoy Baseball Game
The ballpark has many sights and sounds: the crack of that ol’ hickory, vendors shouting about peanuts and crackerjacks, fans cheering for a big play. These two fans, apparently moved by the spirit of the romance of the ballpark, got a bit handsy on the concourse....

Adam Eaton Hits A Grand Slam While Blowing A Bubble
Last night, Adam Eaton hit a ninth-inning grand slam to send the White Sox home with a 10-7 win over the Indians. And he did it while blowing a bubble, which seems a little dangerous but adds unexpected flair to baseball’s most magical outcome. After the game, Eaton told reporters he “was so fluster...

Cubs Bullpen Confronts Fear, Spits In Its Eye
What do you fear? Death? Loneliness? Small, hard objects flying towards you at high velocity?...

Wayde Van Niekerk's Run Was Historic In At Least Four Ways
South African Wayde van Niekerk’s Olympic gold medal and beautiful world record in the 400 meters could hardly get any sweeter. Out of lane eight—few win out of lane eight, much less set a world record, because other competitors are behind the lane eight runner until they hit the last straight, when...

Conor McGregor Gets Mad, Throws Things At Shit-Talking Diaz Brothers
Normally in fighting sports, pre-bout histrionics and chest-puffing look fake, and also not particularly noteworthy. That is not the case when the Diaz brothers are involved....

Anthony Rizzo Climbed The Dugout Wall For A Spectacular Catch
There have been more athletic catches this baseball season than Anthony Rizzo’s fifth-inning snag against the Brewers tonight, but none of them have been anywhere near as cool. ...

Rams Defensive End William Hayes Believes Mermaids Are Real, Dinosaurs Are Not
The Los Angeles Rams are this year’s subject of Hard Knocks, with the angle of showing how a team adjusts from moving from Missouri to glamorous Los Angeles. Additionally, the show has revealed how many players appear to shun basic science....

No, <i>You're</i> Genuinely Moved By This Display Of Olympic Sportsmanship
It’s time to thaw that frozen heart of yours, with the magical power of sportsmanship!...

Thiago Da Silva Sets Olympic Pole Vault Record, Dethrones Frenchman
Renaud Lavillenie entered tonight’s pole vault final as the reigning Olympic champion and world record holder. He finished it as a silver medalist, thanks to Brazilian Thiago da Silva setting a new Olympic record of 6.03m in a wild night that featured a lengthy rain delay and malfunctioning equipmen...
![Cubs Apologize For Playing "Smack My Bitch Up" As Aroldis Chapman Exited Game [Updates]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/civtgh4m5kste9q89slm.jpg)
Cubs Apologize For Playing "Smack My Bitch Up" As Aroldis Chapman Exited Game [Updates]
Cubs closer Aroldis Chapman pitched a scoreless ninth inning at home against the Cardinals last night, and as he walked off the mound the person in charge of the stadium’s PA system chose to play “Smack My Bitch Up” by The Prodigy....

Rabbit Fuckers
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We Asked Our Friends (And A Few Enemies) To Sign Our Yearbook<em></em>
On Monday of this coming week, all of us at Deadspin will sit down at our computers and write blog posts about sports and other things. On Friday, we will do the same. In between, while we are blogging, our parent company, Gawker Media, will be sold by auction in bankruptcy court. This will end the ...

Minor League Team's Double Play Made Possible By Magical Bounces<em></em>
With a little bit of luck, a ground ball from South Bend Cubs infielder P.J. Higgins turned into a double play involving four people during Thursday’s game. Two of them didn’t mean to participate....

Patrick Reed Would Like You To "Put The Fucking Camera Down"
How is U.S. golfer Patrick Reed’s Olympics going so far? He’s tied for 19th place so far, and seems more than little annoyed at a spectator shooting photos of him. Stay sane, Patty Reed....

A Legitimate Plan To Restore Tug Of War As An Olympic Event
Tug of war was contested as an official Olympic event from 1900 until 1920, when it was culled from the Summer Games program alongside sports like equestrian vaulting (jumping onto—and then off of—a horse), figure skating, and ice hockey. We think it’s time tug of war came back to the Olympics, and ...

Messi A Fool
Behold Lionel Messi’s perfect overhead-kick assist from today’s friendly against Sampdoria in all its glory:...