go Page 478 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The First Goal Of The Premier League Season Is ... An Own Goal
Here it is, the day we’ve all been waiting for: the return of the EPL. Manchester United-Tottenham is our opener, and though Spurs started brightly, all their good work was undone thanks to a terrible pass by Nabil Bentaleb. It wasn’t the prettiest season-christening goal, but we’ll take it....

We'll All Go Down Together: Billy Joel Says Goodbye To Nassau Coliseum
It’s a little after six on a sultry Tuesday evening, and the Champions sports bar nestled inside the Long Island Marriott is packed with an unusual crowd. The walls are lined with memorabilia from the New York Islanders, who up until a few days ago called the crumbling Nassau Coliseum next door home...

Roger Goodell Yuks It Up Over Ballghazi
You could do worse than picking your friends by their laughs. Not that someone’s laugh reveals whether they’re a good person or a bad person, but it’s a pretty great indicator of if you’d enjoy spending time with them. A good laugh is lovely and musical. An annoying laugh pries open your skull and g...
![Minnesota AD Resigns For Sexually Harassing Colleagues Via Text Message [Updated]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1379428275984835617.jpg)
Minnesota AD Resigns For Sexually Harassing Colleagues Via Text Message [Updated]
Norwood Teague, the University of Minnesota’s athletic director, has resigned this morning. His decision stems from sexual harassment complaints made by two university employees, which Teague explained by saying he “had too much to drink and sent inappropriate texts.”...

Report: NFL Might Sell Season Tickets For Non-Existent L.A. Team
According to Fox Sports’ Mike Garafolo, NFL owners will meet next week and discuss selling season tickets to NFL fans in Los Angeles. As you are probably aware, there is no NFL team in L.A. for these fans to go watch with their season tickets, but who cares!...

Police Searched Patrick Kane's House In Rape Investigation
Cops and prosecutors remain tight-lipped, but more details have emerged concerning the sexual assault allegations lodged against Blackhawks star Patrick Kane following an alleged incident over the weekend....

The Only Real Question That Needs To Be Asked At A Debate
Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook....

Adios, Sucker: A Conservative Bids A Mostly Fond Adieu To Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart’s last episode of The Daily Show is tonight, and everyone promises to miss him, even if, like me, they stopped watching him religiously years ago. It wasn’t too long after he made his mawkish 2004 plea to Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala to “stop hurting America”—and, as a result, became t...
![Report: Patrick Kane Is The Subject Of A Rape Investigation [Updates]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1373822293372471653.jpg)
Report: Patrick Kane Is The Subject Of A Rape Investigation [Updates]
The Buffalo News reports that Hamburg, N.Y., police are investigating some sort of incident, and two sources tell the paper that incident involved Blackhawks star Patrick Kane. And that’s literally all we know right now. (See updates below.)...

The NFL Would Like To Have A Little Talk With You About Sex
Does the NFL give its players sex advice? Of course it does! This is a league that tells its players how to tuck in their uniforms, has an approximately 600-word definition of what a catch is, and has its employees sign an “integrity of the game” honor code. So why not give its players The Talk?...

The NFL's Dumbass Deflategate Science Report Is A Feature, Not A Bug
Last night, a mountain of documents and transcription emerged from Tom Brady’s late June appeal hearing before Roger Goodell. It’s been a circus, with a series of insults, emails, and sneaker requests to Tom Ford pouring out of the file cabinet, but the testimony most relevant to the case circles ba...

The Full Story Of Tom Brady's Destroyed Cell Phone
The biggest revelation from Roger Goodell’s decision upholding Tom Brady’s four-game suspension was that Brady’s cell phone was destroyed shortly before meeting with Ted Wells and his investigators, even though he knew Wells wanted access to the contents of his text messages. Here is how Wells descr...

Here's The "Integrity Of The Game" Honor Code The NFL Says Brady Broke
For the first time—as far as we can tell—the NFL’s secret honor oath has become public, as part of the NFLPA’s lawsuit over Tom Brady’s suspension. It’s this “Integrity Of The Game Certification” upon which the NFL has hinged its four-game ban on the Patriots quarterback, and yet the text of this ho...

22 Years Ago Today, Nolan Ryan Beat The Shit Out Of Robin Ventura
You charge the mound because you’re furious. Because you want to hurt someone. You know you’ll be ejected, fined, suspended, but it’s all worth it for brief taste of revenge. You never do it thinking that it all might go horribly wrong, and you might wind up on the receiving end of one of the most i...

Michael Jordan Victimized By Meme-Wielding Teen
While giving a speech to a gym full of kids at a youth camp, Michael Jordan encountered every 52-year-old man’s nightmare scenario: a teen with a deep understanding of internet memes....

Onside Punt Touchdown Is A True Gift From Canada
Canada’s been leaving us some crappy gifts lately, but here’s something from tonight’s Toronto-Hamilton game that might perk your ears up: an onside punt touchdown, unique to the Canadian game and something we strongly encourage Roger Goodell to unilaterally write into American Football’s rules....

The Greatest Boxer Alive Is Too Good For His Sport
Guillermo Rigondeaux—El Chacal, or The Jackal—is by far the greatest fighter in the world today. He may be the greatest fighter of the last 20 years. Unfortunately, he will soon lose for the first time, surely by knockout, and with his defeat will come sighs of relief and a lot of people saying, “I ...

How The Dodgers Got Baseball's Last Buried Treasure
The following is excerpted from The Best Team Money Can Buy: The Los Angeles Dodgers’ Wild Struggle to Build a Baseball Powerhouse. ...

MMA Fighters Spark Wild Brawl Outside WSOF Event
Apparently MMA fighters Nick and Nate Diaz and Khabib Nurmagomedov get so charged up by being in a fighting environment that they can’t help but seek out a scrap even if they aren’t on the card....

Johannes Geis Hammers Home Long-Range Free Kick <i>Golazo</i>
Schalke 04 up-and-comer Johannes Geis gave the supporters in Gelsenkirchen something to anticipate for the forthcoming season as he drilled a perfect free kick into the corner of the net during today’s friendly against Dutch side Twente. Schalke just signed Geis to a four-year contract, and if he ca...