go Page 484 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Japan Score Scruffy Goal From A Corner, Progress To World Cup Semifinal
Look, they won’t all be wondrous moves drenched with class, genius, and magic pixie dust. But a winner is a winner, and Japan finally got theirs near the very end of their quarterfinal matchup against Australia....
Looking For A Job? Apply To Be The NFL's New Director Of Investigations!
Want to aid the NFL in its quest to rid itself of the scourge that is player misconduct? Ever find yourself shaking your head at the bone-headed mistakes that ruin one of their innumerable faulty investigations? Think you can do better? Then by all means, apply here for the league’s newest position,...
Holy Shit, Bob Costas
Pedro Strop didn’t have the best performance out of the Cubs’ pen tonight, giving up a homer and then putting two more guys on base. But it apparently infuriated MLB Network’s Bob Costas, who hammered Strop with a burn so raw we can’t even endorse it:...
Pool Bear Is Getting This Summer Started Right
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but summer is here, my friend. It is officially here....
Tanzania's Goat Races Are Decadent And Depraved
Slumgoat Millionaire lost his first race at the Dar es Salaam Charity Goat Races. While the “owners” (sponsors, really) were standing in the corral at the center of the small racetrack, one of the MCs asked Slumgoat’s patron if he knew the rules....
Angry Umpire Demands That Jon Lester Fight Him
Yesterday’s game between the Dodgers and Cubs was delayed for several minutes when home plate umpire Andy Fletcher decided to go full Ump Show in the second inning, stalking Cubs starter Jon Lester back to the mound in order to establish his authority or whatever....
Teenaged Red Sox Fan Somehow Not Garbage
Three things that are shit: Teenagers, Red Sox fans, and the city of Boston, a trash town that belongs in the dumpster. So I’m not entirely sure what to make of this:...
Evil Soccer Man Sticks His Fingers Up Opponent's Butthole
What part of “you can’t use your hands” don’t you get, Gonzalo Jara? And Cavani was the one who got sent off? There’s no justice in this world....
Marathoning With Wolves
In trying to expunge the newest reports and associated mental images of Alberto Salazar massaging Galen Rupp late at night with Alpha Male, perhaps in the invigorating new Down By The River scent, I came across this bit of fresh air....
Blackhawks' Teuvo Teravainen, On The Horniness Of Chicago Fans
Blackhawks center Teuvo Teravainen was asked about selfies and fans today. Did he respond by informing the media that female hockey fans in Chicago are very horny? He did....
Co-Ed Softball Team's Pro-Style Instagram Account Is My Favorite Thing
I would like you to meet the Stinkmitts, a beer-league softball team from Toronto that really understands how to get the most out of social media. Throughout the 2015 season, which the Stinkmitts appear to be dominating, the team has been running its Instagram account as if it was in the big leagues...
Japan Scored The Best WWC Goal I've Ever Seen With My Own Two Eyes
This is just, wow....
Dear Jon Stewart: Thanks For The Ride, Motherfucker
Good day to you, Jon Stewart. I never thought my first Dear Jon letter would explode with expletives, but ever since you, puckish fake newsman, hit what used to be called the small screen with your volcanic potty mouth and flagrant disregard for FCC regulations, you managed to disable just about eve...
Roger Goodell Has More To Lose Than Tom Brady
In just a few minutes, at the NFL office at 345 Park Avenue, Tom Brady will begin his appeal of his four-game suspension for his role in the Patriots’ ball-deflation scandal. And while drama and reality dictate that I say something like “he’ll be facing off against Roger Goodell,” that’s not technic...
England Fight Back Against Norway, Advance With Late Thunderbastard Goal
If you’re going to send a country home, this is how you send them on their way....
Even The Cleanest Person's Feet Are Hella Dirty
My guest this week on the official Ask a Clean Person podcast is Meredith Haggerty, the Reports Editor (and my editor!) at Racked National, who joined me to talk all about summertime foot- and shoe-care woes. You know the ones: smelly feet, soaked shoes, heels that sink into wet lawns at weddings, e...
FIFA's Savior Has Thrown His Hat Into The Ring, And His Name Is Maradona
With all the turmoil surrounding FIFA in recent months and the power vacuum soon to be created once Sepp Blatter finally relinquishes the reins on his Empire, soccer will need a smooth, steady, experienced set of hands to guide the sport out from the pits of controversy and back into the light. And ...
Golfers Pile On The Hate For U.S. Open Greens
Normally, it’d be big news that a bunch of players, having finished up their final rounds at Chambers Bay, are blasting the conditions of the course, especially the greens. But they’ve been doing it all weekend. Sergio Garcia compared it to playing basketball without a backboard. Henrik Stenson said...
Jordan Spieth Wins U.S. Open After Dustin Johnson Three-Putts 18
After a weekend of gripes about the state of Chambers Bay and the difficulty of the course, Jordan Spieth delivered a masterful second shot on the par-5 18th hole, one that played the wild geometry of the green like a putt-putt course and set the reigning Masters champion up for a two-putt birdie th...
Fox Is Still Struggling With Basic Facts About Golfers
It’s the final round of the U.S. Open, and viewers have had myriad and legitimate gripes about Fox in its first year as the tournament’s official broadcaster. One common theme has highlighted the network’s announcers and their lack of knowledge or preparation; here’s an example, in which former Brit...