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Meet The Illinois Policeman Who Helped Rory McIlroy Make His Ryder Cup Tee Time
Rory McIlroy almost missed his tee time at the Ryder Cup on Sunday because he is bad at understanding time zones, but he might have not made it at all if a local policeman hadn't escorted him to Medinah. Deputy Police Chief Pat Rollins was working security at the players' hotel, and managed to deliv...

Motorin’: Your Highlight Reel Of The Most Night Ranger-Worthy Runs From College Football’s Week 5
Prompted by a discussion between Gawker's own Mobutu Sese Seko and Sports Illustrated college football writer Holly Anderson, we created this mp3 celebrating the best and only relevant moment of Night Ranger's musical career. We think it's worth using to highlight plays, so here's the best runs from...

Rob Ryan Is Kind Of Pissed
The Bears smacked around the Cowboys tonight 34-18, a score that sounds even worse when you remember the Bears gave up a garbage touchdown to Jason Witten in the final half minute of play. Brandon Marshall had a big game on the field and on the broadcast. He wound up with 138 yards and one touchdow...

Your Monday Night Football Open Thread
Tonight the Cowboys host the Bears. Romo. Cutler. Other guys. At the end of the night, one of these teams will be tied for first in their respective division. It's gonna be so sweet. In less-sweet news, the Cowboys and Tony Romo have tabled contract extension talks until the offseason. Nobody seems ...

Former Ohio State Football Star Jim Stillwagon Allegedly Shot Someone In The Head
Ohio State football legend Jim Stillwagon was arrested and charged with felonious assault in connection with a road rage incident on Sunday. Stillwagon got into an altercation with Richard Mattingly, the result of which was Stillwagon shooting Mattingly in the head....

Euro Golf Fan At Medinah Celebrates Ryder Cup Win So Hard His Tooth Flies Out On Live TV
Yesterday's Ryder Cup meltdown at Medinah—already the fodder for Taiwanese animation mockery—prompted rowdy European fans to go crazy in their celebration of what the British press is already calling one of the great sports comebacks in history. We don't blame the Euros for getting excited, but we...

Was The Panthers' Fourth-Down Decision Dumb Enough To Change The NFL's Punt-To-Win Philosophy?
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Roundup: What You Missed During The Weekend That We Learned People Feel Strongly About Chili
Gordon Gee, Ohio State's "Best Recruiter" Of Uncompensated Student-Athletes, Expensed $64,000 Over Five Years On Bow Ties: "The university spends tens of thousands of dollars alone branding Gee around his signature bow ties. Since 2007, Ohio State has spent more than $64,000 on bow ties, bow tie coo...

Did These Fans Think The U.S. Would Hold Onto The Ryder Cup Lead? Neigh
We're used to seeing jackasses in horse masks in Louisville at the Kentucky Derby or occasionally at Notre Dame football games, where (really and truly) they are drunker than any other stadium....

Tom Brady Says, "Fuck You, Bitches," And The Bengals Win Gangnam Style: Your Sunday NFL GIF Roundup
This is where we'll be stashing the best GIFs from Week 4—from Percy Harvin returning a kickoff for the first touchdown of the day to, in all likelihood, Michael Vick breaking a rib. The day is done, except for the Eagles and Giants, so let's take a look at what this week had to offer. ...

The U.S. Rolls Over And Europe Roars Back To Win The Ryder Cup
Oh, fuck! The European team just stole the Ryder Cup despite beginning the day well behind on points to the U.S. team. Three Americans lost both 17 and 18 (the U.S. went 0/7 on the 17th hole), the 10-6 lead the U.S. came in with today was not safe, and Gene Wojciechowski's "Ryder Cup all but locked...

Rory McIlroy Needed A Police Escort To Make His Tee Time At The Ryder Cup Today Because Of The East Coast Bias
Rory McIlroy had an 11:25 a.m. local time (important) tee time this morning. Rory was a little bit late getting to the Ryder Cup because he has no idea what time it is. According to NBC/Golf Channel, Rory was telling time by the television and since they kept giving his tee time as 12:25 p.m. becau...

Michigan State Definitely Eye-Gouged An Ohio State Player During Yesterday's Game
As if fans taunting an injured Braxton Miller weren't enough, Michigan State players engaged in some dirty behavior at the end of at least one play today, as Spartans offensive lineman Jack Allen took advantage of his fingers being near Buckeyes defensive lineman Johnathan Hankins's face and gave ...

Hugo Chavez's Opposition In Venezuela Lampoons Him As An Egomaniacal Pitcher
In case you haven't been paying close attention to your South American politics for the past 14 years, you might be surprised to find that Hugo Chavez, Venezuela's cult-of-personality president, is facing a stiff re-election challenge on Oct. 7. Basically Chavez has presided over a widespread melt...

Rick Reilly Fell Asleep At The Ryder Cup
As tweeted out by Sports Illustrated writer Alan Shipnuck. Shhh, Alan! He's working!...

This Week's Sign Of The Apocalypse
For nearly two decades now, Sports Illustrated has stirred the tea leaves to discern a weekly Sign of the Apocalypse. Deadspin salutes the magazine's ongoing effort to head off the end of times, but declines to quietly cede to SI the scoop on the biggest event in world history....

Warren Sapp Called Brandon Marshall A "Retard," So Marshall Filmed Two Video Responses, Sideways, While Driving
On his radio show last week, Dan Patrick baited Warren Sapp into saying some dumb stuff about "kids these days"—how about Cam Newton celebrating a touchdown when his team is losing?! What a glory boy!—and Sapp took the bait, hook, line and sinker: not only did he incomprehensibly declare, "These kid...

Gordon Gee, Ohio State's "Best Recruiter" Of Uncompensated Student-Athletes, Expensed $64,000 Over Five Years On Bow Ties
On August 1, The Toledo Blade published a story about Gordon Gee, Ohio State's president, and likely the most prominent university president in the country right now. The article says that Gee's enthusiasm for the Buckeyes extends to hands-on football recruiting:...

The Many Horrible, Stupid Faces Of Roger Goodell: A Gallery Of Authoritarian Derp
Roger Goodell is the worst, a nothingburger who rose to power on his daddy's good name, a sort of Commissioner Fredo whose legacy thus far is two self-destructive labor fights, some owner collusion, and ceaseless bullshit about the sanctity of the game. We've spent a lot of time writing about all t...