hi Page 1226 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Timbers Give Fans Permission To Support The Sounders, For One Night Only
Playoff races make strange bedfellows. The Portland Timbers are hanging on for dear life, two measly points up on the Vancouver Whitecaps for the fifth and final playoff spot in the West. The Whitecaps face Portland's hated rival Seattle tonight, and Timbers fans are naturally a little confused....
Roberto Duran, World Champ Of Punching Dudes In The Dick
This showed up in ...
Pat McAfee, Just Out Here Playing Football By Himself
Who needs teammates? Who needs an opponent? Colts punter and general badass Pat McAfee doesn't. He can play all by himself....
Watch Jan Hooks And Phil Hartman In The Weird, Gorgeous <em>Love Is A Dream</em>
Jan Hooks, the fearlessly silly Saturday Night Live cast member and world-renowned Alamo tour guide, died today at 57 of a serious illness, reports TMZ. She was an integral part of late-'80s/early-'90s SNL; per the unanimously reverent Twitter chatter this evening, her best role might've been in the...
Hey, Bill Simmons, Come Work For Us!
Bill Simmons’s three-week suspension from ESPN ends on Wednesday, and there is already a lot of conjecture about how the suspension has affected his relationship with higher-ups at ESPN, and if he will stay with the network when his contract is up next year. He could stay at ESPN. He could go to Ble...
Boxer Gets Punched In The Dick So Hard He Can't Continue, Loses Fight
Last night on ESPN's Wednesday Night Fights, Carlos Velasquez took on journeyman boxer Jean Sotelo. Velasquez was heavily favored, and for the round and a half, dominated Sotelo. Then he punched Sotelo right in the dick....
Sweet ESPN Martial Arts Broadcast A Throwback To Network's Early Days
If you're old enough to remember any of the 80's, you know that ESPN wasn't always the home to 24-hour jabbering analysts and NFL talk shows. In its more fledgling days, the WWL aired whatever content to which it could obtain rights; thus, Americans were introduced to wacky hat-wearing and fingerg...
This Is The Strangest Kickoff You Will Ever See
Last week's high school football battle between DeSoto County and Bayshore High in Bradenton, Fla., featured a kickoff taken from the receiving team's own 15-yard line. If that sounds ridiculous, just watch the video, which comes to us courtesy WWSB in Sarasota....
Can The Chicago Marathon Get Back In The World-Record Game?
Man, it's rough work to make a world record happen in the marathon. Dennis Kimetto's freshly minted 2:02:57 took a whopping 26 seconds off the previous mark, but think about it—that relatively large improvement works out to a blink per mile, one step in a pothole, a hamstring twinge, a gust of wind....
High School Play Features Some Of The Worst Tackling You'll Ever See
This brief highlight is ostensibly supposed to show us what a talented high school wide receiver Angelo Wiggins is, and I suppose it does that, but what it really teaches us is that high school football players can't tackle for shit....
Tommy Wingels Pantses Jonathan Quick to Score
Hockey is finally back, and the most enticing match-up on the opening night of the season was San Jose at Los Angeles. But instead of letting the Kings celebrate on the night of their Stanley Cup banner ceremony, Sharks forward Tommy Wingels is out here making them look like fools. ...
The NHL Probably Shouldn't Hire Chris Pronger, Who's Still A Flyer
Chris Pronger hasn't played since 2011, but he remains under contract with the Flyers through 2017. That alone seems like enough to preclude Pronger taking a job in the league office. You'd think! ...
Soccer Players Accused Of Taping Autistic Teammate To Goal Post
A pair of high school soccer players in the Pittsburgh area are accused of duct taping their 16-year-old autistic teammate to a goal post on Sunday then leaving him there by himself. The boy's mother told WPXI her son was found crying for help. ...
![Redditor Asks How Much Pumpkin To Put In His Cincinnati Chi--[Gunshot]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/dka0ezc5hswz0gwx5bjw.png)
Redditor Asks How Much Pumpkin To Put In His Cincinnati Chi--[Gunshot]
Behold, the worst of all the things: a Redditor putting pumpkin in his diarrhea sludge! ...
Report: N.J. High School Football Players Sexually Assaulted Freshmen
Sayreville (N.J.) Superintendent of Schools Richard Labbe cancelled Sayreville War Memorial High School's football season Monday amid claims of hazing, though the details were unknown. But a parent of a Sayreville player talked to NJ.com today, and what happened sounds horrific and inhumane....
Colin Cowherd Is Right. African-Americans <em>Really</em> Don't Watch Hockey.
Colin Cowherd is a flaccid penis shaft of a man with a syphilitic soul who is paid handsomely by ESPN to spew racist and sexist and otherwise trash opinions over TV, radio, and the internet on a daily basis. That's why it was so surprising that when he talked about black people today, he was right! ...
The Nats Are Gone, But Bryce Harper's Taters Are A Joy Forever
The Washington Nationals were bounced from the postseason last night, but not before Bryce Harper did the thing he's been doing all series and murdered one last baseball into the sky....
Giants Outlast Nationals To Advance to NLCS
There was a moonshot of a home run, a phenomenal defensive gem, a solid pitching performance, and questionable managerial decisions. But when a fluky series came down to a fluky play, the Giants won 3–2 against the Nationals because they always seem to get a fluky play or two in the postseason....
Hunter Pence Slams Into Fence To Rob Jayson Werth Of A Hit
It's not easy playing right field at AT&T Park. The wall is 24 feet high (in honor of Willie Mays), and it is made up of three different surfaces: brick, fence, and padding. A right fielder trying to play the wall has to figure out which surface the ball is likely to hit, and how hard (and where) it...