hi Page 1594 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Michael Jordan Announced His Engagement To His Model Girlfriend On The Five-Year Anniversary Of His Divorce
Michael Jordan proposed to his 32-year-old model girlfriend, Yvette Prieto, on Christmas. MJ's agent confirmed the engagement today—five years to the day after he and his wife of 17 years, Juanita, announced their divorce. (Juanita, for the record, did just fine.) Mr. and Mrs. Airness have been dati...
A Gestural Analysis Of The Miami Heat's Intro Video (In Which Everyone Looks Like A French Sailor)
The over-produced NBA team introduction video is an unfortunate but often hilarious fact of life now, and we may as well accept its extravagance and pyrotechnics as such. But not every team is the Miami Heat, and not every team's introduction video calls to mind the hip-hop super-group music video...
Even At Kim Jong-Il's Funeral, A Yankee Fan
"You must wear a hat! We are in mourning for Dear Leader, so you must cover your head, and also you will catch cold. Go find your best hat; only the finest will do today. Something that screams luxury, but also power. Success and skill. Megalomania and a complete inability to feel empathy for anyo...
Wizards Big Man Hamady Ndiaye Stuffed Himself Into A Mini Car Last Night
Yes, he fit. All seven feet of him. No word on whether he let his knees do the driving. [Twitter, via DC Sports Bog]...
Watch Claude Giroux Set Up A Goal With A Pass To Himself Off The Boards
Giroux said he had tested the boards at the St. Pete Times Forum during the Flyers' morning skate, and he puts what he discovered to the test here, to dazzling effect. The subsequent shot Giroux took bounced right to teammate Scott Hartnell for a goal. Which is all well and good. The Lightning sti...
Erie, Pa. High-School Coach Takes On "Boy Lovers" And "Selfish Pig" Girlfriends In Email Rant
Chet Moffett (right, collecting trash) is the cross-country coach at Cathedral Preparatory School in Erie, Pa. He's also a guidance counselor. And just last week, he was totally pissed off about the lack of fan support for Prep's basketball team in its 51-46 loss to General McLane High. Or as he re...
"Joe Pa" Is Managing A Papa John's In Pittsburgh
Tipster Steve P. just sent in an email with the subject line "Oh how the mighty have fallen..." The Pitt alum figured people would like to know that when he called the Papa John's in the Dormont section of Steelerville, he learned his "pizza experience [is] managed by joe pa." You know, just in cas...
Top 10 All-Time Wrestling Moves List Offends Good Sense By Relegating Jimmy Snuka's Superfly Splash To No. 3
The fact that neither JYD nor George "The Animal" Steele appear on this Top 10 Wrestling Moves of All-Time list can be forgiven, if only because The Dog and The Animal brought an outlier level of showmanship to their athletic pursuits....
Don Cherry's Piano Desk Will Make All Analysts Self-Conscious About Their Gesticulations
A lot of television personalities talk with their hands and bang their fingers on the well-lit lucite before them. It's the larynx-friendly method of conveying outrage. They think no one is watching, but they are wrong—as evidenced by this clever YouTube user's "Don Cherry's Piano Desk." You have ...
A Plea For TV Networks To Show People Running Onto The Field
Big thank you to Drew for letting me guest this Funbag. Normally my day is filled with exploiting my elderly father for money (see: Shit My Dad Says), so it was a welcome diversion. I also used to write for the TV show of the same name, until America was like, "GOD FUCKING STOP THIS SHIT TAKE IT OFF...
Dottie Sandusky Maintains Her Husband's Innocence, May Go On Oprah With Him
Dottie Sandusky, who publicly defended her husband's innocence for the first time earlier this month, may join Jerry for another televised interview after the new year. Jerry Sandusky's lawyer, Joe Amendola, told the Harrisburg Patriot-News this week that the two may sit down with Oprah, Barbara Wal...
Ricky Rubio <em>Está Aquí</em>
The Timberwolves' Ricky Rubio had six assists in the 26 minutes of his NBA debut. Here's each of them in all their Catalonian glory....
Gunman Decides Not To Rob The 76ers' Lou Williams, Lets Williams Take Him For Fast Food Instead
That's the story Williams told reporters in the locker room prior to tonight's season opener against the Trail Blazers in Portland, anyway. According to the Philadelphia Daily News, Williams said a man approached him as his car was stopped on a Philly street on Christmas Eve, knocked on the car's w...
ESPN's <em>Monday Night Football</em> Intro Featured Betty White Talking About How Hot Matt Ryan Is
ESPN's been slowing scraping the bottom of the barrel since jettisoning Hank Williams, Jr., and this holiday-themed Betty White intro was less funny than weird. What, the usual New Orleans staples of zydeco and Cafe Du Monde weren't available? ...
Bryce Harper Named His New Puppy "Swag"
Did you know Nationals wundertool Bryce Harper protects his Tweets? Luckily, Nats Enquirer is here to relay to us that Harper received an adorable chocolate Lab for Christmas, and promptly named it Swag. They're totally off to the park to pick up chicks. [Nats Enquirer]...
Mizzou And North Carolina Will Be Competing For This Broken Trophy
This is what the Independence Bowl trophy used to look like. Now it's a crystal shard on a tiered base. [via Twitter]...
LeBron James Spent His Offseason Dunking On Small Children: A Video Compilation
The end of the NBA lockout meant one thing (aside from a massive upward redistribution of wealth from the players to the owners): no more videos of LeBron James dunking on kids. But, to celebrate his return this afternoon, let's enjoy them one last time....
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity. ...
A Directory Of Places Where You Can Watch Sports While Eating Chinese Food Today
Here is a very incomplete list of places in our great nation where you can watch sports while eating Chinese food today—as suggested by you, our readers. If you have more ideas, please let us know in the comments. All endorsements sic'd....
Jerome Simpson Stuck The Landing In Your NFL Highlight Of The Season
From takeoff to landing, this is one of the most remarkable touchdowns you'll see scored in any season of the National Football League. Jerome Simpson's leap calls for a superlative version of "elevate," but sticking the landing makes this the clip you'll be seeing for decades. [FOX] ...