hi Page 1839 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Hype (And Hats) Of Signing Day
Hey, a bunch of high school kids are picking their colleges today, and I'm pretty certain that one kid you don't know is totally going to help you win an office pool some day....
Open Up Your Heart And Let National Signing Day Come In
The Jedi mind tricks and tempting team buffet of Charlie Weis have worked their magic once again, as highly-touted prep linebacker Manti Te'o of Hawaii has just committed to Notre Dame....
Hoops Team Tries Performance-Enhancing "Suggestions"
A high school basketball coach in Kansas hypnotizes his struggling team; they win their next game by 10. Hey, it makes as much scientific sense as teaching evolution, am I right? [Wichita Eagle]...
Without Eternal Vigilance, It Could Happen Outside Of Your City College Women's Softball Practice
Santa Barbara police arrested a "middle-aged male" for masturbating in the parking lot where the Santa Barbara City College softball team was practicing. Carl Monday is not amused....
(Update) ESPN: The High School
Remember Fame? The movie about a high school where kids dance in the street and make out with teachers instead of going to class? This is just like that, only with Chris Berman....
Young Florida Fan Gets Preview Of College Life
Just guessing, but this is probably exactly how Michael Phelps acted during that South Carolina frat party. (Examines fingers) ... "Is this real life?"...
Lindsey Vonn Wins Gold, Would Prefer Another Cow
American Lindsey Vonn won her first major ski gold medal today, but still pines for the days when she was paid for victories in livestock....
The Onion Sports Network Debuts
Tom Coughlin Retires From Family To Spend More Time With Team”Let’s steam things up.” [Onion Sports Network]...
Washington Post Columnist Mines Deadspin Comments, Finds Comedy Gold
From Sally Jenkins' Washington Post column: "A wit named Gourmet Spud posted this sendup of his autobiography on Deadspin: "From Breaststrokes to Breasts-Tokes: How I Spent My Summer Olympics Vacation" by Michael Phelps." [Washington Post]...
He Fought The Tow Truck And The Tow Truck Won
No sooner had Ohio State garnered some positive publicity than the Buckeyes were brought back to earth with the drunken, mischievous adventures of offensive lineman Alex Boone....
That's Just Scott Boras Being Scott Boras
Manny Ramirez turns down Dodgers' offer of $25 million over one season, leaving the door open for ... the Washington Nationals? [The Nationals Enquirer]...
Matt Cassel Got A Little Wet At The ESPN Party
For the most part, this Super Bowl XLIII party weekend seemed relatively tame compared to previous years. That is until somebody at the ESPN party peed on Patriots' quarterback Matt Cassel....
Phelps Is Sorry He Hit That Bong, Dude
Michael Phelps says he regrets doing his impersonation of Brad Pitt in True Romance, and that it will never, ever happen again. I totally believe him*....
Buzz Bissinger: Foul-Mouthed Inspiration To Fertile Yale Minds
Surprisingly, he cursed a lot during his lecture: “I would never imagine him as the writer of the story I love." [Yale Daily News]...
Kobe Bryant: He's Just Not That Into Poo
I'm always torn on my feelings about Kobe Bryant. Talent aside, his personality always seems a little prickly and pretentious; it's like he's burdened by his greatness and just can't communicate with inferior beings....
Everyone Has An Opinion On That 100-0 Girls Baskteball Game
The debate rages: When is it proper to call off the full-court press? Should a losing team be shown mercy? Aren't some kids simply better suited for Theater Arts?...
It's War, And The Fish Are Winning
From the folks who brought you Flying Fish Jumps Into Man's Eye and Another Teenager Attacked By Fish, it's Leaping Needlefish Impales Man's Nasal Cavity. This was no boating accident! [Practical Fishkeeping]...
Meanwhile, At Busch Stadium ...
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
Eh, Screw It: Jason Whitlock Is The Friendly, Outgoing Sort
Everyone's favorite columnist is just chilling as usual. This time he took some time out of his busy schedule to snap a photo with two women doing missionary work in Vegas this past summer....
Very Naughty Jonesboro High Dance Team Banned Until Further Notice
After their YouTube video, entitled "The Sluts Of Jonesboro," went viral, the Jonesboro High dance team has been disbanded by the school district. Here's what all the hullaballoo is about....