hi Page 894 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Oh Great, Now John Wall's Knee Is An Issue, This Is Just Fucking Great
The top of the NBA’s Eastern Conference is a little deeper than most observers expected it to be before the season. The Celtics are kicking everyone’s ass. The Pistons are good. The Cavs are becoming good. The Raptors are their usual good selves. Teams like the Pacers and 76ers and Heat and Bucks an...
Chip Kelly Will Replace Jim Mora As Head Coach At UCLA
Chip Kelly has been quite the prize these last couple of weeks, as he’s been courted for vacant head coaching positions at Tennessee, Florida, and UCLA. Kelly reportedly turned down Tennessee, and was said to be choosing between Florida and UCLA last week. Word came Thursday that Kelly was suddenly ...
We Have A Contender For Worst Play Of The Season
Son, we recruited you to Western Kentucky to do one thing: punt the football. And you’ve done a hell of a job of punting that football this season. But what you did right here tonight, well, you did everything that wasn’t punting a football....
Washington's Shitty Turf Is Hurting The Team Again
It’s been almost four years since Washington’s slap-dick field cost them Robert Griffin III’s knee, and possibly career. Somehow, they are still letting things like happen:...
Hello Darkness, My Old Friend
Boy, things sure are looking up for Jerry Jones! Here he is enjoying a Thanksgiving feast of a 28-6 loss and 434 passing yards allowed. Look upon his soul, or what is left of it:...
Antoine Griezmann Smacked In A Very Pretty Bicycle Kick Golazo
Atlético Madrid face an uphill battle to qualify for the next round of the Champions League, and though they have a slim chance to advance, they put their best foot forward today, beating Roma 2-0. Antoine Griezmann, who hadn’t scored for Atleti since September, banged in the opener by going all ups...
Larry Nassar Pleads Guilty To Sexual Abuse
Just one day after 2012 Olympic all-around champion Gabby Douglas said that former USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar had sexually abused her during her athletic career, Nassar pleaded guilty to seven counts of criminal sexual conduct in Michigan....
I Saw The Buttfumble Live And It Fractured My Family<em></em>
Sometime in the winter of 2010, my dad sat my younger brother and me down for a talk....
Mike Leach Has Some Wedding Advice For All You Men Out There
A reporter who is getting married in a few days asked Washington State head coach Mike Leach if he had any wedding advice to share with him, and this is what he got:...
Roberto Firmino's No-Look Goal Is Cold As Hell
Now this is just about as cheeky as it gets:...
Ray Allen Says He Was Catfished By Man, Who Claims Allen's A Stalker
The day after a man named Bryant Coleman told a Florida court that he’s being stalked by Ray Allen, the former NBA player has responded with an emergency motion saying that he, in fact, is the one being stalked by Coleman. Their contact began, Allen said, after Coleman catfished him by pretending to...
Teenage Giant Bol Bol Commits To Oregon
Because of his beloved famous father, Manute, and his own similarly pronounced height, Bol Bol has been on the national radar since he was a 6-foot-5 middle schooler, casually blocking the shots of normal pubescent boys. Now, the now 7-foot-1 high school senior has chosen to commit to the University...
Joel Embiid Has Perfected Shit-Talking
Joel Embiid didn’t have the kind of monster game we’ve grown accustomed to seeing during last night’s win over the Jazz—his 15 points and 11 rebounds were perfectly solid—but he did provide the highlight of the game....
Bill Belichick: Thank God We Made It Out Of Mexico City Without Any Earthquakes Or Volcano Eruptions
Bill Belichick wasn’t so thrilled about the Patriots’ game last weekend in Mexico City, which is fair enough—at an altitude of nearly 7,500 feet (more than 2,000 feet higher than Denver), playing in Mexico City can present some unique challenges. Fine! But rather than sticking to that point in a rad...
The A-Rod Tidbits In This Anne Wojcicki Profile Are A Wacko Delight
The New York Times just ran a profile of Anne Wojcicki, founder of the genetic testing company 23AndMe, and it’s exactly what you’d expect from a styles section piece headlined “The Doyenne of DNA Says: Just Chillax with Your Ex.” Yep. It’s Wojcicki talking about her ex-husband Sergey Brin and her e...
Opposing Goalkeepers Spend Game One-Upping Each Other's Tremendous Boners<em></em>
Saturday’s Sunderland vs. Millwall match finished 2-2, and all four goals were scored thanks to an array of increasingly mind-boggling goalkeeper boners that almost beggar belief. This is either the worst example of high-level goalkeeping ever, or an impressive display of just how shameless match-fi...
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Japanese Game Show's Slippery Stairs
Humankind is mortal. We are born, we flop around and make noise for a while, and then, inevitably, we die. That is perhaps the lesson that the diabolical makers of slippery stairs were trying to teach to their audience. I realize that asking someone to watch a nine-minute video is demanding a lot, b...
High Schooler Kicks Mesmerizing 70-Yard Punt On Clearly Flawed Field
I know it’s a lot to ask you to take a minute out of your day to watch a football roll very, very slowly for about 40 yards, but this punt is truly hypnotic. It appears to come from a high school game in Chicago, with Raby kicking away to Morris Community....
In Unloving Memory Of HawkVision, A Low Point In Sports Owner Shamelessness
The story of professional sports is, among other things, the story of cheap bastard owners doing cheap bastard things. Charlie Comiskey charged his White Sox players to launder their uniforms. Jeffrey Loria coldly auctioned off two World Series champions, sold the Marlins for more than a billion dol...
Warriors Endorse Jahlil Okafor's Quest For Freedom From The Sixers
Sixers center Jahlil Okafor is pretty much done in Philadelphia, as he’s played just 25 minutes this season and slipped behind Amir Johnson on the depth chart. Even though both parties should move on for their mutual benefit, the Sixers are holding Okafor hostage and hoping to trade him for somethin...